NSFW

Saturday

The ballet recital went well. the hiphop screaming rap bullshit was fucking annoying but for the most part they kept it clean this year. The girls did really well, I did feel sorry for the poor wife that had to sit there babysitting all day. So I made chocolate chip cookies and Margaritas when she got home.

Margarita recipe:

2 cups crushed ice
3 oz of tres generations tequila..or any good brand of blue agave
3oz lime juice
1/4 cup sugar or splenda
Shake very well and strain into a proper glass with a sugar or salt rim. To do a glass rim wet a paper towel with lime juice and then wet the glass then dip in salt or sugar.

Margarita mix is too sweet for me so I prefer home made.

At least somebody has it right.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,523364,00.html?test=latestnews

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia — Saudi authorities beheaded and crucified a man convicted of brutally slaying an 11-year-old boy and his father, the Interior Ministry announced.

According to the statement issued by the ministry Friday, shop owner Ahmed al-Anzi molested the boy and then strangled him with a length of rope. He then stabbed the boy's father to death when the man came looking for his son.

He hid both the bodies in his shop, the statement said, adding that al-Anzi threatened police with a knife when they came to arrest him.

Al-Anzi had previously been convicted of sodomy and owning pornographic films, a crime in conservative Saudi Arabia.

Crucifying the headless body in a public place is a way to set an example, according to the kingdom's strict interpretation of Islam.

Normally those convicted of rape, murder and drug trafficking in Saudi Arabia are just beheaded.

According to an Associated Press count, Friday's execution brought the number to 35 beheading this year in the kingdom. In 2008, 102 people were beheaded.

Weekend

The wife's eye is better. Thanks for all your concern and comments. Just a little scarring but nothing that will affect vision. The doc says she can go back to contacts next week.

There has been a squirrel population explosion at my house. I went outside and there were at least 15 jumping all over the place, tormenting my poor dogs and ripping apart my trees and plants. I grabbed my pellet gun and aimed through the scope and fired...one fell out of the tree into the neighbors yard. I reloaded and fired three more times and three more fell. I really hate killin the little suckers but they are so goddamn destructive. The neighbors rotweiler ended up getting a good meal out of the deal.

I put the gun away then went up front to water the flowers. Two of the squirrel cousins or brothers of my victims had climbed over the roof and were stalking me. They were chattering away on the awning above my garage and the looked ready to pounce and take me out.

I've never seen a squirrel get so aggressive. They had closed in on me and were about 4 feet away so I turned the hose on them... Little bastards better think twice next time.

My girls have their ballet recital this weekend, they get to be in 3 shows. The wife got volunteered to chaperone the 3 to 8 year olds. They didn't ask me to do it thankfully. I think it's the perpetually annoyed and pissed off look I give their bitchy and annoying dance instructor.

I really fucking hate going to these shows because they always have a bunch of hip-hop bullshit intermixed with the "real" dancing. The last couple of times they had little kids doing moves that were bordering on pornographic.. I was pissed off and told the owner of the studio what I thought..she said she would make sure and approve the songs and routines from now on.

We'll see.


Oh yeah, here is a Friday song:

Bullshit VIII

I just read this article and I'm thinking it has to be complete bullshit.

After four years researching for the documentary, Azam told "Good Morning America" that oral sex is as common as kissing for teens and that casual prostitution -- being paid at parties to strip, give sexual favors or have sex -- is far more commonplace than once believed.

Who the fuck are they interviewing? Where are the parents? Maybe the children of absentee crackheads who don't give a fuck are selling blowjobs after school...but parents who monitor their children, their friends and their whereabouts probably don't raise whores.

Just today I saw 2 more cars driving 20 miles per hour under the speed limit weaving and making a course correction every 10 seconds or so...sure enough they had their elbows on the steering wheel and their eyes and both thumbs were busy texting. You think you can drive with no hands, no eyes and no brain? I call bullshit! Next time I see you I'm going to pull in front of you, slam on my brakes and make a couple hundred thousand for a neck injury...dickheads..

The government is getting ready to propose a national sales tax on all goods from the supplier down to the consumer. This was supposed to take the place of the income tax when it was first thought up..now it's going to be in addition to all the other taxes. The government NEEDS this money for bailouts, insuring illegal aliens and for studies on why drunk hookers get aids in Thailand. Taxation without representation is bullshit! Lets send this pack of government thieves a clear message. We will not put up with any more of this BULLSHIT!

So the truth finally comes out. Chrysler dealers that sent money to the Obama campaign get to keep their dealerships and the ones that sent money to the Republicans are axed. Talk about something right out of Atlas Shrugged. This motherfucking looter government sure doesn't give a shit about being subtle do they? I'd like to see them talk their way out of this bullshit...
I doubt they will even address it.

The bought and paid for main stream media is trying to distract everyone with American idol, Kate Gosselin and fake swine flu hysteria. I wouldn't know anything about the first two except for the fact that this bullshit has been plastered on every web page and news program for the last month.

Goings on

Last Friday the wife came home complaining of discomfort like there was something lodged under her contact lens. We flushed her eye out and I put some silver drops in it in case it was infected. The drops helped for a while but after a couple hours her eye was swollen shut and she was in tremendous pain.

Luckily the eye doctor she uses was open early on Saturday so I took her in, by this time she couldn't see out of the eye at all. The doc found two large ulcers on her cornea cause by some infection. We got some eye drops and the doctor arranged two more appointments through the memorial day weekend on his own time.

So every hour on the hour I put two sets of drops in her left eye. Gradually her vision came back but she couldn't read or drive. Now we are using steroid drops to take down the swelling and prevent scarring.

Luckily by Monday she was well enough that she could go to the family barbecue. I just brought my signature salad and some bratwurst. I had to skip the beer unfortunately but it was still a good get together and the kids got to go swimming.

Tuesday the wife sneaked off to work before I woke up even though she still couldn't see. I was pissed. Thankfully, her co-workers sent her home but she still shouldn't have been driving. I'm happy to say she is almost back to normal.

Technical difficulties

A big storm knocked out my internet Monday night. It's finally back up, so I'll be around to catch up on my reading.

Busy weekend

I've been all assholes and elbows this weekend, hence the lack of visits and posts. Thanks to everyone who gave tribute to our fallen soliders and honored their memories. I'll be back with a proper post on monday. In the meantime here are some funnies.

Something educational and something not

A day in the life

Click Here

Joke

A man on a business trip is sitting in a bar far from home when Barack Obama
comes on TV.

The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's ass."
Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the
face knocking the man off his bar stool, then stomps out.

He gets up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer.
Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV.
He looks at the TV and says, "She is a horse's ass too!"

Out of nowhere, another local punches him on the other
side of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again.
He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take
it this is Obama country?"

"Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."

From the WTF files

Friday music

A classic


One of my favorite stones tunes


Before Aerosmith got boring

Messed up

Since the last election I've noticed a lot of screwy stuff going on. Messed up stuff. Quite scary actually. Maybe you've seen it too.

Right after the inauguration I picked up my son from middle school. He said "dad we didn't have school today they just showed Obama on TV all day in every class the teachers said it was historic"

I've never known for a school to stop classes for an inauguration unless it happened to be going on during social studies.

The following week I picked up my son once again and he said "dad I'm really worried school is getting messed up" I asked him what happened.

"Did they have booking when you were in school?"

I said I hadn't heard of it.

My son told me that after the inauguration the "brown boys" were marching down the hall chanting Obama Obama and when they came across a white kid they slammed the kid's books out of his hand and kicked the books and papers down the hall while laughing.

I asked my kid if any teachers saw this.. he said yes but the teachers looked like they didn't know what to do.

I called the school and complained..they said that there have been behavioral issues since the election and they were looking into it.

I picked up my daughters from school the next day and my oldest said.. Miss Jimenez put up a giant picture of Obama in our classroom next to the flag for when we say the pledge. I asked he if there used to be one of George Bush in the same spot...she said no.

I called the school to complain and they acted like I had 2 heads, but apparently enough noise was made to where they moved the obama portrait to the other side of the chalk board.

Last week my youngest daughter came home and asked if I would help with her social studies project. I said "sure what is it?" "The teacher said we have to do a biography of someone we admire the most". I asked her who she picked. "Well the teacher said I could do Martin Luther King jr or Rosa Parks..." I asked my daughter if that's who she admired most....she said no that's what the teacher is making her do....apparently in her class the admired most choices were limited to Obama, Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks because that's all they could pick.

I Emailed the teacher to complain... here's what I got back: Your daughter is finishing up her research tomorrow- she has already done the large majority of it- we are basing our research off of the books available to us in the library. Sorry! She is doing great so far!

I want to pull the kids out of school and teach them myself but the wife is dead set against it. I wonder how bad this bullshit is going to get.

Carne Guisada

My family loves carne guisada, but to get good quality you have to hijack someone's abuela or go to a hole in the wall mexican restaurant.

Most folks around here eat carne guisada on a flour tortilla with melted cheese. "They call it super melt" I think it's a cross between velveeta and those prepackaged american cheese slices.

So my mission was to figure out how to make it at home. The wife said: "think spicy beef stew."

So here's what I came up with.

Take one small onion, one clove of garlic, one bell pepper and two or three small tomatoes, put them in a food processor until they are smooth. Take this mixture and put it in sauce pan on medium heat until it starts to boil, add 1 cup of water, 1/2 tsp cumin powder 1/2 tsp paprika and 1/2 tsp salt. stir well, lower the heat and cover.

Take one pound of beef cubes (stew meat) and make sure they are in bite sized pieces. season them with salt and pepper then put them in a skillet on medium heat with 2 Tbs of vegetable oil. Brown the meat slowly making sure to get all sides. Remove from heat and add 1 Tbs flour to the meat and stir well till it's mixed in completely.

Take your beef cubes and flour mixture and pour it into the pot containing your tomato onion spice mixture stir well. Raise the heat on the pot to medium and let it simmer covered for 30 to 40 minutes, check the tenderness of the meat at the end to make sure because a few more minutes won't hurt. The gravy should be fairly thick at this point.

Put the carne guisada in a serving dish and serve with a bowl of shredded cheddar cheese and warm flour tortillas

More funnies

I bet there is a whole chain of dick liquors out there.

Apesicle?

I think the out of order sign is a little superfluous

Goings on

I'm currently reading Atlas Shrugged for the first time...I'm about half way through and all I can say is holy shit! It's all come true. I recommend it to anyone who might still have any illusions about where our world is headed.

I was depositing a couple of checks the other day and as I was waiting in line at the bank a Mexican guy in work clothes tried to cash a check without any identification whatsoever. I could understand enough Spanish to gather that much...the surprising thing is after talking to the manager they let him...I think I need to find a new bank. There was only one teller so about 15 of us are standing in line for what seems like forever waiting to make our deposits...finally I said "Fuck this!" walked out and pulled into one of the the drive up banking lanes. I had my checks deposited in under 2 minutes.

I got home and saw the pneumatic banking canister laying on the seat next to me...Shit! I was tempted to just throw it away but my conscience got the better of me so I went back to the bank to put it in the holder but the little door was shut on the canister return. I had to actually walk back inside and hand it to the teller... and the same people were standing waiting in line from before...talk about sheeple...

Oh well here are some funnies:

We call it the African mudslide!

I'm not tipping that Valet.

Random obvservations

What is that weird language we speak when we get into a tub full of too hot water or are being chased by a swarm of yellow jackets. Oooga ooga ahh ahh yeeeeaaiiiii. Must be something from a vestigal part of our caveman brains.

Ever make up new compound words while driving in traffic?

This guy in front of me stopped at a green light..I slammed on my brakes and yelled Go!..You shit-cock!

Another lady was crossing in front of traffic then chickened out right in the middle of the road and wouldn't go even when I stopped to let her in. Come on...you dildo wipe! was the first thing that popped out.

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Weird stuff. I bet a lot of new words are created on our roads and highways.

I was reading an old magazine while dropping the Browns off at the Superbowl this morning when I suddenly laughed out loud at this:

What to do when the chips are down

I'm hearing more and more about folks losing their jobs, their retirement accounts drying up and from those who are trying to scrape by on less.

I've been in situations before when my hours were cut, unexpected expenses came up or a serious error balancing the checkbook threatened to upset the delicate balance between bare existence and poverty.

These days, many people confuse luxuries with necessities.

A little story:

Once upon a time one of my employees had her boyfriend empty their joint bank account and run off to parts unknown. She came crying to me for a payday advance because the bills were due and she had nothing. I got the guys together and we scraped up a few hundred bucks so she could pay her rent and utilities, we were shocked the next day to see her skipping the potluck lunch in the office and coming back with a bag of nick knacks that she bought at the pier one store, a new hairstyle and a new pair of shoes...She was indeed in financial peril but when asked...she thought shoes, hair and therapeutic shopping were indeed necessities.
She had no clue that she had hamstrung herself with poor thinking skills and bad habits.

These things are necessities:
Food
Shelter
Transportation to look for or go to a job
Utilities. Electric, gas and water.

That's about it.

These things are not necessities:
Cable TV
Credit cards
Eating out
Booze
Candy
Shopping
New clothes and shoes
Netflix
Online subscriptions
Newspaper delivery
Membership dues
Internet
Cell phone yes even the kids don't need phones.

Let me expound on some of these:

Internet: ..unless it's for job search or you are using it to make money, if so cut it back to the minimum plan available. Start selling your nick knacks and luxury items on Ebay. It's really easy to do. A couple of years ago I was able to pull in a couple of thousand dollars in one week from selling various crap I had bought but never ended up using, kitchen gadgets, gifts I never opened, CD's DVD's books. electronics etc..

Cell phone: Cancel it. Unless the number has been put on a large number of job applications dump it or reduce the plan to the $19.99 100 minutes and only use it only when absolutely necessary.

Food: Buy cheap and nutritious. Pre packaged foods rarely fit this category. Don't buy pre cut vegetables and fruits, they cost 5 times as much per pound, so cut your own. Buy Bananas, Milk, Eggs, Cheese, Potatoes, Carrots, Dry beans, Pasta noodles and inexpensive canned vegetables like spinach, green beans and peas.

Things not to buy when money is tight:
Cookies, Paper plates, plastic cups, paper napkins,bottled water, expensive cleaning products, lotions, air fresheners, room sprays, candles, flowers, etc..

It's hard to break our buying habits. Make a reasonable list and stick to it.

Here's an example of a cheap, tasty and nutritious dinner.

1 large zucchini 50 cents
1/2 Lb angel hair pasta $1.00 for a pound
1 small onion 40 cents
3 cloves garlic less than 30 cents
1 small can generic tomato paste about 50 cents
2 Tbs oil.

Start the noodles per the directions on the package. Saute the onions, garlic in a skillet on medium heat for a few minutes toss in the zucchini, and tomato paste and mix well, then add 1 & 1/2 cups water and bring the mix to a simmer. Add salt and pepper.
Reduce heat to low and cover.

When pasta is done in 9 minutes drain and toss into a serving bowl and pour the sauce over the top. This will feed 2 or 3 hungry people and the whole thing will cost less than 3 bucks not to mention being delicious.
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Other things to cut back on.

Run the thermostat at 78 or 80 in the summer and use a fan on you at night to help you sleep. This will save big bucks.

Do not make your credit card payments if you don't know where your next dollar is coming from. This is unsecured debt. Nothing is going to happen to you or your stuff for lack of payment. If necessary use the cards to get the max cash advances you can and use this money to survive on. You can call the credit card companies and tell them the shit has hit the fan and you will start paying again when
the money starts coming in again. Even if you never pay, all ill effects on your credit will go away in a few years....and remember folks this is for survival.

My best friend got laid off from his job and he used his entire $5000 severance check
to pay off his credit cards. I pleaded for him not to make that mistake but he was positive that he needed to pay Visa and discover his last few dollars even though he had no money for rent and food...he was just programmed that way.

I'm sure you guys can think of more things to cut back on,
Oil changes, lawn service, gifts, impulse buying, online purchases...etc..
I think you catch my drift...Some things we can do with out when it comes right down to it. It just takes self discipline and a willingness to do a complete 180 in the way you think about money and it's true value.

Weekend stuff

My dad has been really wanting me to go out to the club where all his veteran buddies hang out.

I gave him my extra karaoke machine a few years ago and he's been taking it out to the club and all the old and returning vets have been out there singing on Friday nights. He called me up and said, "that machine you gave me was a real blessing because everyone has such a great time with it."

So I thought I'd surprise him by showing up at the club Friday night. The place was empty so I had a couple of beers and was about to take off when a friend of my dad's came in and started packing up all the Karaoke gear.

He said, Your dad is having a big party out at his ranch, you should go out there.

I picked up some more beer and headed over., he was surprised to see me show up because I'm hardly ever able to go except on Sundays. There was a huge gang out there, almost all retired military and their families. It was the first time I had sang in about 5 years. I was a little rusty but it was all in good fun. Everyone had a great time. I kept picking songs from the 70's for my dad to sing. Even his harpy wife Samantha behaved herself.

We spent today cleaning up the house for my mom's bi-annual visit. She is coming into town for business so she is stopping by for a couple hours tomorrow.

It's my brother in laws birthday and we were supposed to go have dinner over there but the wife told her mom we weren't coming. I don't particularly like celebrating the peckerhead's birthday, he hasn't remembered to call his sister on her birthday or send a card since I've known him but I know he's going pout like a little bitch next time I see him.

Old weird song Friday

I heard some of these songs on internet radio recently and I was thinking..Holy shit I'm getting old. These are a few nostalgic ones that I fondly remember listening to on the AM radio as a kid.

Lost in translation.

I took my dad out to dinner at an Indian restaurant for his birthday. Dad's nephew had just come into town from Kansas City, they are getting 2 week furloughs from the Ford plant because of the economic downturn. My Cousin Billy Jack...(yeah that's his real name) is a colorful character.. about my age...imagine Hammer with more drinking and cussing.

Anyway, we are talking to my dad about some of the guys he knows at the the VFW hall. Dad proceeds to tell us there are a lot of spooks that hang out there. My cousin and I look at each other and we both say "Spooks?"

My dad says..yeah spooks..what's wrong with that? You know, the guys who sneak around and kill people.

Billy Jack looks up from his tandoori chicken and says "hell uncle up in Kansas City we just call em niggers."

I about fell out of my chair.

My dad says not those spooks!...I'm talking about CIA!

Billy asks incredulously, "they let niggers in the CIA?"

Check this out:

A day in the life.

The wife's real mothers day gift finally showed up. I bought her a jewely armoire It turned out pretty nice and she's already started sorting through the piles of tangled necklaces and started organizing them. I notice they keep forgetting to mention "some assembly required" on this shit...Next thing you know they will send me a hammer, nails, saw and a picture of what they want the thing to look like.

Youngest daughter has been tearing up shit again. She is in a rebellious stage. She cut up the kitchen chair seats, table cloth and scratched her initials in the wall paper. I'm keeping a running tally of everything she is going to pay for with chores. Right now she is booked up through 2012. My oldest daughter stopped doing this shit months ago thank god.

Went to the doctor for a checkup this morning..god I hate that shit.

Doc: Hows the plavix doing

Me: I've decided not going to take cholesterol medicine.

Doc: Why not?

Me: Because it makes your liver turn to shit.

Doc: Your cholesterol needs to be 15 points lower.

Me: I'm taking flax oil

Doc That shit doesn't work

Me: We'll see.

Don't get me wrong he is a pretty good doctor and he always sends in the young female med students to examine me...It's kind of embarassing I'm about old enough to be their father and they are poking and prodding me with shit..and no I'm not going to turn and cough and just forget the prostate exam lil missy.

We have a problem keeping the kids bike tires inflated..they seem to go flat every 5 minutes so I decied to use an old farmers trick...I think it used to be called gorilla snot or something. You unscrew the shrader valve on the tire stem and pour this slimy green goop into the tire, replace the stem and fill it with air..it's supposed to seal up any hole up to a quarter of an inch in size. If it works, I'm going to carry a jar of it in the car with me. We'll see.

Beer song

From the WTF files

An office worker cleaning a fridge full of rotten food created a smell so noxious that it sent seven co-workers to the hospital and made many others ill. Firefighters had to evacuate the AT&T building in downtown San Jose on Tuesday, after the flagrant fumes prompted someone to call 911. A hazmat team was called in....Authorities said the worker who cleaned the fridge didn't need treatment — she can't smell because of allergies.

What a bunch of wussies..

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - An Iraqi soccer fan shot dead a player of the opposing team as he tried to score an equalizing goal in the final minutes of a match, police said on Monday..."As soon as Haider Kadhim (the player) was alone in front of the goalkeeper and close to equalizing, a fan in the crowd fired a pistol at him," a senior police officer in Hilla, who declined to be named.

And you though European soccer fans were bad...


McDonalds must be trying to develop the "really happy meal"

FRIBOURG, Switzerland - Swiss police said they are investigating a 7-year-old girl's discovery of a condom in her McDonald's Happy Meal.
Fribourg state police said the mother called them after the girl discovered the condom among her French fries. Police said Monday they were investigating where the condom came from and how it got into the Happy Meal.

Department of labor

A man owned a small farm in Alabama . The Department of Labor claimed hewas not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.

I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.'

Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

The cook/housekeeper has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

''That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent. 'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

In the news

I just read that stamps are going up another two cents. Costs 46 cents to mail a damn letter.
For those of you who haven't done it yet, I suggest moving to online banking and bill pay.
All you do is type in your account numbers and addresses of the companies and utilities you pay every month and your bank will confirm the information. Then when a bill is due, you log in, fill in the proper amounts and click "pay". It's so dang easy.

I've probably saved $400 in postage in the last several years not to mention time consuming task of writing checks, buying stamps and taking the stack of bills to a mailbox. Technology is good.

Upcoming coffee shortage...as soon as I get into the stuff, the cost is supposed to skyrocket due to a high demand and a shitty harvest...stock up now while you can. I make a pot per day and a 9 dollar can of folgers lasts me about 2 months. So I figure I'll grab up a years worth today and store it in the back of my closet.

Texting while driving...I saw this dumb broad texting as she was going down the freeway. She was swerving in between three lanes and ended up driving 30 miles per hour in the fast lane. She was furiously tapping away on her phone totally oblivious to the task at hand. I have never before seen such utter stupidity. Come to find out, people are killing themselves and others on the roads because of their texting addiction. This to me is beyond ridiculous. But nothing really surprises me in this country anymore.

Monday stuff

Since the wife is on vacation I let her sleep in today. Then I took her to Le Madeline for breakfast..it's kind of a faux French thing but the coffee is good.

Right afterwards I took her shopping and we ended up buying some fancy Olive oil and a big magnifying glass and a knife sharpener...real exciting I know.

Then we went to see the Star Trek movie.

All I can say is JJ Abrams could fuck up a county fair. I guess if you like a mix of Armageddon with shitty acting and lots of CGI special effects then it could be ok. I could also tell they had a huge diversity hard on in this film....much more than all of the other series put together. I swear I couldn't tell if it was fucking Star Trek or Madea goes to space camp. Maybe hollyweird was trying to get all of the affirmative action quotas out of the way in one fell swoop. Gays..check, Latinos check, Asians, check, blacks check check check check, cripples? got it covered, boss.

I swear they took all the seriousness, drama and cerebral elements out of the franchise and dumbed it down for an 80 IQ fucknut....Oh lookee space ship go boom!

William Shatner should be glad they didn't let him get within a hundred miles of this film.

I know I shouldn't be hatin.

Hat tip to Deadman:

Monday Funnies

America..it's finger licking good..

New From Gap kids...Edgy Bear

Happy birthday Honey!

And the hores you rode in on...

Mothers day.

My wife and I tried the wine I bought for mothers day and it was outstanding. Most folks don't realize that the proper glass makes a huge difference in the way wine tastes. We broke out the french lead crystal balloon glasses and it really helped bring out the flavors. We smoked a couple of cigars and watched cooking shows all day Saturday. Her main gift..a large stand alone jewelry box with drawers and legs and a place to hang necklaces won't show up till next week. She doesn't have a lot of fancy jewelry..it all was stolen a few years ago but she does have a lot of sentimental pieces that she can't get to because of the clutter in her current jewelry box.

Today we went to the Mother in Law's house, I made my famous salad per their request.

I decided to take the ingredients to their house and make it right there so I could show off my fancy knife skills lol. I had also brought a bottle of wine for my father in law but the ultra-baptists were there so the wine stayed in the car.

Good thing we steered clear of the booze because after dinner we decided to tackle a tree that fell in the back yard. It was half rotted and about to take out the fence

We had 5 dudes all arguing about how to move this tree without breaking anything. I just stood back because the last thing I wanted to do was get into the middle of their circle jerk. I swear it was like a fucking Chinese fire drill. Everyone running in circles with nothing getting accomplished. It didn't help that is was 90 degrees and 90% humidity and everyone was full of roast beef and potatoes. Finally, we propped up the tree with a ladder and sawed the bottom. I tied a rope around the middle and told everyone to move back and I was able to pull it down. My brother in law then sawed it into pieces.

I sent my mom a small gift and exchanged emails...she thought the package was a thank you from a charity she donates to.. so she told me she didn't get the gift. When I finally told her what it was, she was like ohhh that was you? Mom and I never communicated very well.

She is visiting next week on her 61st birthday so I'll take her out to dinner or something...the kids will be happy to see her. This will only be the third time the girls will have seen her in the 5 years.. no worries though...they are always happy with whatever they get.

Kick ass macaroni and cheese (salad)

This isn't your mom's mac and cheese.

Take 2 cups of dry pasta noodles and put them in a large glass bowl cover with cold water till it is a couple of inches over the top of the noodles. Microwave uncovered on high for 7 minutes.

Start your dressing

2 Tbs mayonaise
1/2 cup buttermilk (you can stir in a teaspoon of vinegar into regular milk and it will work fine)
1/4 cup sour cream
1/4 cup finely diced onion
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp curry powder
1 Tbs minced fresh cilantro
1/2 tsp dill
1 Tbs minced fresh parsley
1tsp salt
1/2 tsp of sciracca or other hot pepper sauce tabasco, cholula etc..
1/2 cup of shredded parmesan or romano or manchego or any good hard cheese

Mix all of the ingredients into a bowl until the dressing is a smooth consistency.

Check the noodles to make sure they are done completely and rinse in cold water.
Stir the noodles into your dressing and mix well.

Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

This is more like a pasta salad but the cheese adds another layer of complexity to the dish.

Random thoughts.

About 600 people have died of regular Flu in the United States since the swine flu scare started dominating the headlines. I wonder if this whole outbreak scare is some sort of ploy.

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You know what? If you come to me bitching and complaining about a health problem and I give you health advice, don't come bitching to me about the same problem until you at least try what I recommended...the same goes for marital advice and money advice. Don't just do it half assed either mother fucker because I will find out. The only reason I even offer to help is make you shut the hell up about your constant penile discharge, repossessed car and cheating spouse.

The best way to get losers, leeches and pity party cases out of your life is to be consistent. Just keep saying no when they want to scam something from you. Don't give in. Pretty soon they will move on to greener pastures.

If the birds are shitting all over your porch..don't put out a bird feeder. If you don't like homeless/scam artists hanging out and begging at busy intersections do not give them money.

Don't want stray cats fucking, fighting and pissing in your flower beds? Quit leaving a bowl of tender vittles on your front porch...I think you see where I'm going with this.

I was with my son watching Mail Call on the history channel and R. Lee Ermey Showed how the soldiers put condoms on their rifle barrels to keep them clean, dry and in good shooting condition. My son looked over at me and asked what condoms were really for.

I told him they were made to keep your gun dry, clean and in good shooting condition...a couple minutes later a light bulb appeared over his head and he said ewwwww!

Random stuff plus Friday music

I've been having more squirrel issues so I've moved up to chemical warfare. I boiled a pound of Habanero peppers, strained them and used the resulting infused water to fill a large spray bottle.

I took it into the back yard and soaked everything that the tree rats like to chew on. It seems to be working so far... I think I'll spray some peanuts and watch one of those little fuckers smoke from both ends.

My kids are getting along better but I have no idea what goes through their heads sometimes..my 8 year old took an expensive porcelain comic book type statue out of my son's room, broke off the hands and feet and hid it under some of her barbies.
It took a couple of days to get the truth out of her but after some waterboarding...lecturing she admitted doing it...no particular reason.

I told her that she is going to have to do chores to pay for the statue. Since the concept of the value of money is still foreign for her I think a couple of weeks of scrubbing toilets will pay it off...she had better get it done before double digit inflation hits.

Friday music:

Thank god it's Friday.

As I mentioned before the wife is going on vacation next week. This is a good thing because she started her new job and has received zero training. With her type A personality regarding work she is really stressed out about it. She's afraid they are going to hold her accountable for stuff that she has no knowledge of or handle on as of yet. I keep reminding her that she always goes through this when she transfers to a new department and ends up being the best of the best..but my encouragement doesn't seem to help much.

I've been trying to help as much as I can. I've been getting up at 4:00am and making coffee and breakfast and packing her a lunch, because if I don't make her eat she will skip it and make herself sick. I was the same way when I was a manager and it about killed me.

The other day I noticed that her car was out of gas and looked like a pterodactyl had shit all over it. You couldn't see out of the back window. It's pretty fucking bad when the birdshit has bones in it. So I went and gassed up and ran through the car wash at 3:30AM It was kind of cool being out AD (after drunks) and BA (before assholes)

I've been getting the kids up at 5:45. Yeah I'm an asshole but it's much better when they have plenty of time to get dressed, eat a hot meal and watch some cartoons before school.

This and that.

I accidentally ran across a local wine producer who has a store front here in town. It's called Water 2 Wine It looked a little fancy and I was just in my normal T-shirt and jeans/baseball cap, but I said fuck it and went in anyway. There were 20 foot tall racks of wine and a large wooden bar off to one side. But no obvious bottles for sale.

A lady came up and asked me if I needed help. So I told her that I wanted to pick up something nice for the wife for mother's day. She told me that their wine is completely different because they don't ship their wine, they don't have to use preservatives so she recommended I taste before buying.

I picked a pino noir, she poured a tiny glass and after tasting it I was shocked..it tasted completely different from store bought wines. It was exceptionally good. I tried 2 more and ended up buying one bottle of each. I would have bought more but I couldn't do any more tasting on an empty stomach without getting buzzed. They also have a setup where you can create your own personal batch of 30 bottles of wine in their winery under their tutelage, choose from a hundred different varieties of grapes, you go back in 6 weeks later, bottle it, and even make your own label.

Pretty cool!

I might take the wife next week when she is on vacation so we can make our own batch of wine.

If I'm going to hell I might as well go laughing

Look in the mirror..you're now an extremist.

The farce that is our dept of homeland security led by Janet Napolitano released another report on extremist groups that need close scrutiny. Then they said "oops! Nobody was supposed to see that" and they pulled the report for fear of another backlash after the last one that targeted veterans.

Too late..the cat is out of the bag.

Note: All these groups on the report had the words "virulent extremist" tacked on to make them seem more dangerous and deserving of fear and ridicule.

Here is a partial list, Remember, the following groups are lumped with domestic terrorists, skinheads, neo nazis and other hate groups.

You will also notice that nowhere on the list will you see the words "Muslim extremist" "Islamic fanatic" Or any reference to Radical Islamists.


The following are dangerous groups that need to be closely monitored due to their threat to homeland security:

• Members of message boards that interpret of events and issues that differ radically from those presented in mass media products and outlets
  
  A movement of groups or individuals who are
  virulently anti abortion
  
  "alternative media" -- (bloggers)
  
  A movement of groups or individuals who are
  vehemently opposed to illegal immigration, particularly along
  the U.S. southwest border with Mexico
  
  Patriot movement: A term used by right wing extremists to link their beliefs to those commonly associated with the American Revolution.
  
  Groups or individuals who vehemently believe taxes violate their constitutional rights
  
  A movement of groups or individuals opposed to
  technology.
  
  An organized collection of violent anarchists and
  anarchist affinity groups
  
  Christian Identity
  
  Cuban independence activists
  
  denial-of-service (Hackers)
  and hacktivism
  
  Lawful or unlawful acts of civil disobedience (protesters)
  
  ethnic-based groups
  
  Jewish extremism
  
  leaderless resistance
  
  militias
  
  Puerto Rican independence groups
  
  right wing extremism
  
  single-issue groups (AKA gun rights advocates)
  
  sovereign citizen movement
  
  antiwar extremism
  
  Look in the mirror. You just might be a dangerous radical extremist.
  
  
  
  
  
  

Bullshit VII

Property taxes..yeah they pay for public schools and other various socialist indoctrination /FEMA death camps. I've been paying about $5000 per year based on the value of my home and property...it's about a third of my house payment. Ok fine I've grabbed my ankles and paid it all these years. So the bottom falls out of the housing market, my home is worth half what it was 2 years ago..so why have my taxes not gone down to reflect this? So I lose a huge chunk of my net worth and the government keeps taxing me like I still have it....I call complete and utter BULLSHIT!

Food prices peaked when fuel was over 5 bucks per gallon. The diesel fuel used to cart groceries across the country was up to $5.69 at one point. I can understand..transportation is a huge chunk of food costs. Ok fuckfaces.. the fuel prices are back to 2 bucks a gallon..so why hasn't the price of food gone down to reflect these lower costs? A fucking box of crackers or a bag of potato chips is still almost 5 bucks. WTF is going on? I smell a big pile of Bullshit.

So anyway, out of curiosity I was checking out the price of new cars, since the wife has been bugging me to get one. You would think that with sales down 80% from a couple of years ago and car companies going bankrupt faster than a coke head with a gambling problem that I would be able to find a good deal on a car...Nope! they are still real proud of those sombitches. Instead of trying to move vehicles so they can get some money flowing, they are holding out for maximum profit on each one.

Silly bitches! You can't fuck with the law of supply and demand..supply is up, you have cars parked up your own assholes for lack of other space and you are still trying to charge $40,000 for a fucking pickup truck....Blow me! Fucking idjits! I hope you drown in your own bloody pile of bullshit.

Breakfast.

There's a little mexican cafe by my house so when the kids are good I'll take them there for breakfast. When I turn on their light at 5:30AM the first thing they say is: "Are we getting tacos?!!??" I'll tell them, "if you get dressed fast, and do everything you are supposed to without cussing or fighting" I'll take you for breakfast tacos.

It's a great motivator.

The girls always order 3 bean and cheese each. They eat 2 and take one to school in their backpacks. My son orders a bean and cheese and chorizo and egg. I don't mind taking them there because all four of us can eat for under 10 bucks.

Just to clear up any confusion, breakfast tacos are just a home made four tortilla filled with your choice of breakfast foods and served with fresh made green or red salsa. They usually have a deal where you can get 3 for $1.99.

They also serve specialty tacos with names like suicide and trash can...doesn't sound very appetizing but after you have one, from that point on you'll drool every time you hear the word "trash can" It has scrambled eggs, melted cheese, refried beans and fried potatoes..damn now I'm hungry.

I just got this interesting email

I wonder if the kids are going to school this week....

Date: May 4, 2009, 5:15 p.m.

To: Families

Re: Student absences

This message is being sent to address a serious issue that has been brought to the district's attention. Students are sharing text messages, blog postings and Facebook postings encouraging each other to skip school in hopes of creating a swine flu scare resulting in a school closure. These students are under the false impression that inflating the absenteeism rate will cause their school to be closed. This is not true.

Just today, the Metropolitan Health District (MHD) held a conference call with area superintendents, including Dr. Richard Middleton from North East ISD. MHD stressed that they are not recommending canceling any public events or closing any schools at this time. MHD has provided guidance that a 12 percent absenteeism for two consecutive days will be investigated for possible closure. But that guidance is contingent upon students being confirmed with flu-like symptoms. If any school in NEISD reaches those levels, SAMHD will thoroughly investigate the situation.

The school attendance office will be contacting parents to find out the reason their student is absent. Parents can help by contacting the attendance office at their child’s school when the child is absent with the reason for the absence.

Every day of school includes important instruction for your child. We would appreciate you talking to your student about not spreading these false messages to intentionally inflate absenteeism. If you have any questions about the swine flu, you can call the MHD hotline at xxx-207-5779.

Thank you for your cooperation.

....This bullshit sure as hell better not fuck up my summer vacation plans.

Ribs

I made two kinds of ribs this past weekend. I don't know why, I just felt like throwing meat on the barbecue. It's funny as hell, I guess because of the swine flu scare I was able to pick up 10 pounds of pork spare ribs for about $12 and the pack of beef ribs was only $4

To prepare the ribs for the grill I put them in large roasting pan with a bottle of Barbecue sauce and a giant bottle of italian (oil and vinegar) type dressing, cover the pan with foil and let them bake at 400 for about 90 minutes.

This makes the ribs really tender and adds a ton of flavor to the meat.

While the ribs are in the oven I made my barbecue sauce.

1 tsp cumin powder

2 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp paprika

1 tsp chili powder

4 Tbs soy sauce

1/4 cup of maple syrup or equivalent

1 Tbs spicy hot mustard

Whisk well.

When the ribs come out of the oven I baste them with sauce and put them over the coals. Since the ribs are already cooked, they just need to get a nice crisp coating on the outside. I pull them off when they have a nice carmelization. I then baste with some more sauce and wrap the ribs in foil so they can rest.

Along with the ribs I roasted peppers, onions and zucchini with garlic, olive oil, beer and cumin. I used the leftover Barbecue sauce on slices of eggplant and roasted those as well.

Everything came out tasting really good.. I went out to visit my dad on Sunday and when I came back my in laws had come over and scarfed a bunch of the leftovers. Which is fine with me. It's a personal victory when my father in law "the barbecue master" compliments my cooking by eating two plates and asking for a doggie bag.

Monday funnies

And for my next trick....