B.S Part one
One of the problems with living in a first world nation where people live in relative comfort and luxury compared to 80% of the rest of the world who live in huts made of cow shit and sift through mine fields for scrap metal is the phenomenon called bullshit.
It can be argued that everything is bullshit except for the basic necessities of life, food water, air and shelter. I won't go that far, but it seems that we live in a society obsessed with bullshit.
Meaningless, unadulterated, 100% certified grade A unpasteurized bullshit.
Let me give you a few examples of our obsession with bullshit.
TV reality shows, "American Ahole", "Half naked drunk moron house", "Dancing like an intoxicated dickhead" "Washed up stars screwing for crack" etc... People are really into this shit and it's all they fucking talk about. GAH! STFU already! I have no desire to hear about who got kicked off fake titty island or who blew who on "My three dads".
Pet psychic, pet psychologist, gerbil whisperer. etc... this is another form of bullshit..errr dog shit. I don't give a flying rats ass about what is making fluffy depressed. Catbox..check...meow mix..check...thousand dollar couch to shred..check.. I'm not in the least bit concerned about the mental health of a fucking cat. Oh my dog is uncontrollable and he mauls small children..whatever shall I do? Oooh Oooh I know...fucking shoot it. Then spend the dog psychologist money on yourself shithead!
Cosmetic surgery... Unless you are getting shit fixed from an injury or birth defect....then leave it alone... People get old...they get saggy...they start smelling like cheese so get over it! Eye lifts, ass lifts, tit balloons, injecting bacteria, pumping lips full of shit out of a cows ass...some of these old assholes have had so many face lifts that they can use their dick for a necktie. Old is beautiful and if you don't think so then you can lick my old saggy nut sac.
Diets...Got to be the biggest most profitable load of bullshit I've ever seen. Ever eat Jenny Craig food? It's like eating a pile of dehydrated ass crackers. Shit on a shit shingle for only 90 bucks a week...no shit you are going to lose weight if that's all you're going to eat..Wait! I have an idea! Just make awful, terrible, disgusting food at home and you can save yourself a small fortune. Hell, you can sell it to stupid people and make a shitload of money.
Celebrities..oh fuck don't get me started on these assholes. It must take some uber fucking mental illness to make someone want to pay 11 million dollars for a picture of something Angelina Jolie squirted out of her beefy dew flaps. And riddle me this batman..Heath ledger took an Elvis cocktail and washed it down with a bottle of gin...and that makes him a fucking hero? He was a goddamn broke back ass hopper... not Jim Morrison for crissakes.
Shit I need to take my blood pressure pill.. I've only scratched the surface of the bullshit.
posted by Bill Rowland @ July 16, 2008
39 Comments
39 Comments:
Gerbil whisperer, you gota be jokin'!!!
Loved reading this. Hope the pills worked by now;)
True so true...
This is why I no longer watch tv or read newspapers. It's a big waste of time.
Add cell phone addicts with their interminable texting and you've got MY short list of BS!
You're killing me today! Seriously true bullshit. I agree 1000%.
Ahhh good rant! So true, so true!
you forgot the part where you say, "I'm Hammer, and I approve this rant!"
Did you get audited?
Can you write another post just like this for tomorrow? :)
OMG!! LOL
I'm waiting for the ooze from my computer screen. I figure by part 3 it will be too full to hold any more!
1st World? Food isn't safe, water isn't safe, economy in the crapper, people thrown out of their homes - welcome to the third world, son...
We could have been a contender, but interfering in other countries, foreign entanglements, favoring one nation over another in trade and withholding that trade when we don't get our way tarnished our image. I fought for this country and would do it again, but severe changes need to be made to the way we do business - and not the changes Osama Bin Obama or Puffy McCain are yakking about either.
Oh, GOD. I laughed my ass off through this entire post. I chuckled up until 'fake titty island' and it all went south from there. I have people sleeping in my house, ya know.
Ohh, Jim Morrison... I'll take a page out of the Denis Leary Celebrity Handbook on this one: "We don't need a three hour movie about The Doors! I can sum it up in three seconds: I'm drunk, I'm nobody; I'm drunk, I'm famous; I'm drunk, I'm fucking dead."
tweaker
OMG! Finally someone I can agree with 100%! Great stuff!
I hate the celebrity shows. All they accomplish is making half the world think they have to live up to the ridiculous ways of the rich and famous.
I hope the television actors go on strike this fall. Then maybe everyone will start to drop their TV addiction. I can't believe some of the crap that's on.
Right on, Hammer!
You really have a way with words. I agree with 99% of what you said, but I do think Heath was a good actor even if he wasn't' dead now.....
don't look at my blog today, its a tad shallow....
Good one. I suppose you're spot on with first wolrd countries, as England fits the A-list of bullshitters. The girls in the office would chat about their Corries (extremely lame English TV series) and BBs (Big Brother extremely lame people being watched 24hours doing lame things) and inspecting and debating the food the non-diet-eating girls eat (me and two others) and that would make you cry it's so pathetic, but now I know and I eat at my desk :)
Thankfully, TV occasionally has spurs of intelligent programmes with the likes of Planet Earth and Dispatches, which restore a little bit of intelligence - but of course are not watched by the above mentioned crowd.
(SLAM)!!!
That's the sound of the hammer hitting the nail on the head!
Hahahahahahahaa!!!!!!!!!!! OMG that was funny! AND so true!
Why on earth do they call these shows that are so lame, phony-baloney, "Reality" shows is beyond me! Bunches of stupid gibberish in my opinion -which I know everyone is just waiting to here that too, right?
Now, tell us how you REALLY feel! Better be careful though as the heat from this rant and others to come is liable to ignite flames from your keyboard and monitor -blow the hole darned computer up. Waiting for the next one now.
I sense you are a little stressed
Between the letters you've been meaning to send, random thoughts and B.S. part 1 I'd say you are doing a great job of just getting it ALL out. Keep going. I'm nodding in agreement with much of it.
Hey,
a fat Mexican with a pocket protector walks into an Irish bar.......
I have to put on my hip boots before I head out the door every morning...
Maybe I'm not hip but I haven't heard nothing about Ledger since he died.
Have you seen Greatest American Dog yet? I like dogs, but that just sounds boring. I'm better than that. Although I admit that I never miss an episode of Survivor or Big Brother. I guess it's a weakness of mine. I never did watch Biggest Loser except a couple times. It just sounded boring, and it was. That's why I don't post about my weight loss stuff. It's boring material. Milestones are cool though. That's the only exciting part. Essentially diets are boring but necessary. I'm thinking of it as more a lifestyle change forever thing.
I guess I waste cash for too many channels, 'cause I've never watched any "reality", or entertainer gossip shows.
How about adding TV commericals to your BS list? Especially showing new cars ripping through deserted downtown playing car tag, or speeding on isolated highways. Where is all the traffic, or the traffic cops with radar guns?
And don't forget the "toe fungus monster", the stupid grinning man who uses enlarge pill/creme, or the "bladder dribblers".
Who writes this crap?
i like when you get pist so the rest of us don't have to!
beefy dew flaps?
bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!
you said it, Hammer-exactly what I've been thinking!
Great post (as always) Hammer, but I must say - I sense a little hostility. :)
Hammer-
You have given me some USDA Prime BULLSHIT to chew on there.
Thanks!
JihadGene
Wow-you rant very well! :)
I agree with most, but when it comes to dogs...they are my soft spot. No shooting. :(
Hey hammer... Long Time no see. Glad to see you haven't lost your stinging wit!!
I truly detest every fucking one of those so-called "reality" shows. I'd rather pull out my pubic hairs one at a time than watch one. A little insider info: "Reality" shows have as much connection to the real world as "Batman" does. They're all scripted; it's just that "Batman" uses professional script writers and real actors.
Beefy dew flaps? Hmmmm. I'm going to think about this.
I think that what is really eating you is the fact that creativity has died. There is nothing creative today. I think I am going to film 30 minutes of my right toe nail and put it on YouTube for people to watch. Its a reality show about my right fuckin toe nail...destined to be a hit!
Looks like my dad was right. I would always ask in the 80's "What will they think up next?" And he always answered...."nothin".
My Dad's "Nothin" = Your description of "Bullshit"
Good post Hammer!
Deech!
I do like watching people biff and splat on "Wipeout!" - I don't feel their pain and I'm glad.
Everybody on Big Brother should be put up against the wall Warsaw-style and shot - or sent to the Gulag - and the Mainstream Gloom-News too, it's all stink-shit calculated to get you down and enfeebled.
I have a problem here.... Just don't know HOW to make awful, terrible, disgusting food at home..Maybe I should try a fast food diet?? lol Good rant my man~~
Preach own brutha!
Your killing me. Too funny. You should see the fake everything down here. I swear a 60 year old woman looks funny as shit with fake tits. Face lifts, botox, etc. It's non ending. The best is the MOMMY LIFT. No joke.
I could keep going. But I am going up and joining a friend for a fun Friday night ride.
Yer on a roll, man. Laughed my ass off.
Love it!
I had never heard of Ledger before he passed, sad...but true.
TV makes me ill. Mass media brainwashes people into liking things, needing things, wanting things and believing things that just aren't all they are cracked up to be.
Masses of dumbasses
hahahaha...your words here are a gem!
omg.
ROFLMAO!
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