Letters I've been meaning to send
Dear cell phone user. I'm going do you a favor and stick that Nokia up your ass because your head has already made the trip.
Dear Obama supporters: Quit calling me at all hours of the day and night and ringing my doorbell. I didn't drink the koolaid. If you don't cease and desist I will put on my Curious George costume and march up and down main street with a "Chimps for Obama" sign.
Dear SBC: I made one 40 minute long distance call last week and you charged me $46 because I didn't choose a long distance carrier when I signed up. Since you find it necessary to take any opportunity to sodomize your customers with a splintered shovel handle, I say so long, cock nozzles... you just lost a 20 year subscriber.
Dear punk on the crotch rocket. If you think you can race between stopped cars at 80mph during a traffic jam, let me tell you, just wait..someone, someday will open their car door.
Dear: 95 year old lady driving down the freeway at 25mph: I'm really glad you are independent and still have 4 years left on your drivers license. However, I get really nervous when I all I see are two wrinkled hands on top of the steering wheel and your head doesn't even clear the dashboard. I find myself wondering if Jesus really is your co-pilot.
posted by Bill Rowland @ July 14, 2008
35 Comments
35 Comments:
Hmm I'm glad I'm not the only one who is suffering from a spate of telephone calls from people trying to extract money out of me!
Handy hint of the day:- if they call you up and use the new style = 'hi is that you Bob?' Then, if that's the case you reply, 'sorry no, he's out, this is the baby sitter.'
Cheers
haha...It's a Monday, eh. :)
Dear Police Officer,
You, of all people, should understand that chivalry at traffic lights is a cause for confusion and will be misinterpreted by me to mean that you are too stupid to see my blinker waiting my turn to go left while you go straight. So the light changes, and there we are opposite each other-- and you just.sit.there.
I can't see you waving me on, and there's really no traffic behind you, so I motion to you irritably to just obey the frickin' rules, it's easier on everyone. You took offense. Hehehe.
I swear, overly polite drivers are gonna get someone killed.
Ha-ha-ha !!! Those were excellent, Hammer.
Please send them, or better yet, turn them into billboards :)
I dare you to be the one to open your door. hehehehehe
Do I dare mention telephone de-regulation?
Cheers from your radical liberal reader :)
Feel free to sign my name to those letters too! ;)
I want to see the curious george get up.
HA! Love the 95 year old woman... I think I saw her today. Or her hands, as that might be.
and...
Dear Sheriff, while I appreciate you protecting and serving us, I really do, could you please remain in the doughnut shop during rush hour so that those of us who have some where to be don't have to sit in a long stream of cars that have no courage to pass you, while you are clearly doing five under the speed limit?
May I add?
Dear Doctor,
I understand that you charge the full amount of a visit if I miss my appointment. Since you missed the appointment with me today, I am looking forward to seeing that $120 credit on my account. My time is every bit as valuable as yours.
These are great! I get a little sick in my tummy when I see the 90 year old lady driving.
And I double dog dare you to open the car door in traffic.
May I say it takes A LOT of talent to write a post like this.
Dear Santa,
Where was the Barbie Dream house I asked you for in '78? If you think I am EVER going to sit on your lap again you've been drinking too much egg nog.
See? Not just anyone can do it.
Jen
Sorry Ham~~ I find the Curious George costume slightly alluring!
ROFLMAO!!! I needed this today!
omg - please tell me where and when and I'll spend money on the gas to drive all over tarnation to see you do the "Chimps for obama" routine. Hilarity!
The McCain fund raisers are as bad as it sounds like your Obama ones are. They won't go away. I had one call today while I was getting a battery jump, and I told him so, and he said, "Well, can we put you down for $100 today?"
"No, I have to go back to work. I need to get to a work site. Some of us have businesses and work for a living. That's why we're f**king Republicans." He kept reading monotone from his script in front of him (can't they add just a touch of inflection, to at least give the impression that they are trying?) as I hung up.
He will call again tomorrow. The bastards call every day. It's worse than a psycho ex-girlfriend. I know the area code already and know to ignore it. I just didn't look when I answered the phone this time.
~claps hands~
I want a pic of that chip for Obmama suit!!! LOL
Can you also manage that pic on the "fly by motor cycle rider???
That would be the bestest Christmas present EVER!!!
Curiuos George! Love it! I loved all of them! Thanks for the laughs!
Brillient!
I wonder if you would get any replies!
Good ones.
Seriously, I'd call the phone company and bitch. Not that it will do any good. The phone company I left are trying hard to get me back when I gave them every opportunity to keep me in the first place. Idiots.
Nice rants! I can identify with all of 'em except the long-distance one. That would really piss me off, too.
I have sooooo many letters to write!!!
I say you ought to do the Curious George thing anyway.
ha ha! I especially loved the last one. "Jesus as your co-pilot!" priceless.
"I find myself wondering if Jesus really is your co-pilot."
He is, and he's tightening his seat belt...
Jesus is in charge of the whole dayamed plane! and HE DOESN'T need a co-pilot!
the guys on the crotch rockets are the worst - i keep thinking further on up the road i'll be giving them last rites.
Gotta admit...that was pretty funny!
Sorry hammer but I couldnt but laugh at most of these. I remember right before they took my grandma's drivers liscense away. Boy was she angry when they did. Ouch I had never heard her so angry.
I tagged the punk on the crotch rocket with my right front fender on March 10, 2005.
At least one punk has learned a painful lesson.
Meh, land lines are so 2000. It's SBC's loss for not evolving when they lose you.
"Dear punk on the crotch rocket. If you think you can race between stopped cars at 80mph during a traffic jam, let me tell you, just wait..someone, someday will open their car door."
AMEN TO THAT ONE
I hope i am the open that opens that car door
LOL! You are too much!
Lady on highway-LOL
Oh Shit!- My mom got out again.
Really when we had to sell her car (take it away for the good of humanity) she kept pointing to her driver's license saying the sate of Illinois says I can drive 2 more years! She may have a piece of paper that says she can drive but she can not see! (no depth perseption) over the steering wheel anymore.
She
Blue hairs and boobs on ninjas, you should drive around here. We got the market cornered. Too many soldiers who just got back and think they are bullet proof. Too many retired folks piddlin' along.
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