Off to a family reuinion
Well my wife's family that become mine 17 years ago. They are a weird bunch but overall decent folks. This year the invitation letter said ABSOLUTELY NO ALCOHOL!
and I said....YEAH RIGHT! I'd like to see them try to stop me.
I broke the booze hymen last reunion because I knew that sitting around in 105 degree heat staring at each other wasn't cutting it. So I bought a couple of cases of beer against the wishes of the old guard. Not surprisingly everyone loosened up and had a good time..except for the old Aunts and hardcore Baptists. They were PISSED. (and not in the British way)
It's not like we are breaking out the beer bong from the second story balcony or passing doobies to Uncle Elmer. Sheesh.
Luckily, we were able to rent a seperate house on the property so I can get away from the nuttiness if I have to.
The thing that gets me the most is how nutless the grown men in the family are. Totally emasculated. It's pathetic to see a man act whiny and subservient. I feel like handing out boxes of midol and tampax at these gatherings.
I'm not a neanderthal beast by any means but most will agree that a snivelling weeping milksop is something to be reviled.
My dad told me long ago, that women instinctively try to take away a man's balls...however, once they are gone she has no longer has a use for him.
Maybe that is too simplistic but in certain instances I can see what he means.
Anyway, I'm off. I'm sure there will be plenty to write about when I get back.
posted by Bill Rowland @ July 03, 2008
42 Comments
42 Comments:
Happy 4th of July Hammer and family and try and enjoy yourself at the reunion.
Hammer,
Have a great holiday. Don't burn your fingers on the BBQ.
Flyinfox_SATX
I am sure you will have a lovely time and return with your balls intact!
Get drunk, be loud, show them you have balls.
hahaha if I rented my own house thingie next door I would have it stocked with tons of booze (even though I don't drink tons) I bet you almost everyone would end up at your place if you did.
Good luck Hammer.
I've got one of these in August, but it's my nutty family, I'm not forcing husband to go and there will be LOTS of alcohol!
You must be the life of all the reunions! LOL
Midol and tampax... How can they NOT love you??
You're right about some women, they do want the sensitive male, but when they make them girly, they trade up for a manly man. Never lose your spunk and cojones. Happy 4th to you and your family!
Yeah, it's sad, they cut the balls off in spite of their own pussies! Once off, they can never get really satisfied again. Sad.
Dad's side of the family had a No Booze policy for all family gatherings. Seems that back up in the family tree someone drank themselves to death in the 1920's or 1930's, therefore Grandma disapproved of drinking.
When I was 16 or 17, one of my cousins got married, and her new husband pretty much said "Y'know, that was 60 years ago. I'm having a beer." And that was the end of that silliness.
So, next weekend when I travel to Oklahoma City for a reunion at my Uncle Tom's place, I will gift my cousin-in-law with a six-pack for breaking the curse, and mix up some gin & tonics for whoever wants one.
Please have a safe, fun, and Happy 4th of July, Family Hammer! Kudos to you staying in the separate house.......separate houses at family reunions help to save lives.
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY TO YOU ALL! :)
Ha, great post! Sounds like a fun time???! I think you need booze to survive it!! Good luck, can't wait for the next instalment :)
Happy 4th of July! Hope you can smuggle in your beer incognito. Have fun, well, if not, looking forward to reading your funny stories.
Have a great weekend with a beer in hand. Cheers!
Have a great weekend with a beer in hand. Cheers!
bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!
i have a brother in law that was not only whipped by my sister, but my mother and one day i was pist and told my mother, "you need to take george's balls out of your purse and give'em back to him!"
have a great fourth, hammer.
I think I'd break the "rules" again too. If the venue allows drinking then you have just as much right to drink as they have not too. After all you are an adult and legally able to make that decision for yourself thank you very much.
I happen to prefer men with balls. I might get annoyed now and then but I hope I don't emasculate my men.
If they're such misery to be around, find a way to be "busy" and not go. Anyone you want to be around in her family, you can do it any other time the rest of the year. That's why I don't attend high school reunions - if I was so keen on being in touch with all those Richard Craniums, I'd have stayed in contact with them. It sounds like this trip is already giving you a case of the ass, and you haven't left yet. Is it worth the pain?
I've had people in my life go sour, and I just avoided them. If I meant anything to them, they came around and acted better. If not, then it's clearing dead underbrush to give light to new growth getting them cut off.
We have alcohol at family gatherings (Eastern European d.p. and Mexican Catholics are we), and a lot of times I wish we didn't. I've seen enough wedding receptions and picnics go to hell once a critical mass got staggering drunk and loud. I keep myself to just a couple, to be the soberest person there, though I've found I get very mean and hostile to drunks. It brings out the angry pit bull in me. They act their true selves drunk, then hide behind the booze and say "don't pay attention I was drunk," as if it didn't count. I'd respect them more if they were that way stone cold sober and man up to owning it rather than hiding behind drink as a crutch.
I'm glad you have a second home to go to while there. There is no better relief valve to avoid an altercation than to up and leave.
Your Dad's right. I had a boyfriend that I dearly loved, and who wanted to marry me. I knew that I'd make his life a living hell, because I would HAVE to see how far I could push him. He would've let me walk all over him.
I need a man that will stand up to me and tell me when I'm full of shit!
Hope you have a great time. Family always makes for good blog fodder, if you can get away with it. And I know YOU can!
You have such a way with words! ave travels and have a BLAST!
* safe lol
Show them you have balls, but don't show them your balls...it's not the same thing (trust me on this...).
Maybe you should pass the beer bong and some doobies and everyone will lighten up.
You just can't do 105 degrees and weird without something.....
Happy 4th to you and yours!
Off again? Me too. Mentally. Have a good one.
ahhh, i smell a big rukus over the booze issue. i wanna see video of the fights.
if you drink enough beer you don't need the midol.
just trying to be helpful.
No alcohol?? are you kidding? how is it possible? don't go please, they will take your balls off too, it's dangerous. Stand for yourself, enjoy, and feel free to do and drink what you like.
When I was a young bride I instinctively knew that if my man became everything I wanted, I'd despise him.
Besides, ladies, they don't change. Ever.
They merely adapt.
Best of luck Hammer. I know that extended family can be an adventure!
I look forward to hearing about this. I know wes family reunions were interesting to say the least.
Beer in the left hand, and a steak in the right hand. Isn't that what real men do?!
lol... is your wife the only sane one out of the whole family? It sounds quite the 'reality show'...hehe.
Happy 4th Of July Weekend. I hope you're having fun @ the reunion.
They probably have their own stash of Midol.. or they can look in their wives' handbags... the ones they're carrying even though it clashes with their plaid bermuda shorts.
Have fun!
Aha! I knew that there must be a good reason why the Brits are pissed and nutty, which of course has nothing to do with emasculation. Probably something to do with warm beer. Have a super break!
Cheers
Have a great time, and thanks for the welcome to Texas!
I'm a full-times BALL-PLAYA for the PyongYang PeckerHeads, 24/7!!!
Great Reader KIM Jong IL
good for you for not bowing to asshole big-brother pressures. Take your damned beer and enjoy yourself!
LOL
I love it!!!
Im the same way when I go to my own family reunions, which is when someone dies, gets married or moves. Anyway, my ultra religious grandmother refuses to pay for any booze, despite the fact she wants to "take us to dinner".
When I was up for my Mom's passing, I bought the biggest bottle of vodka and drank in her house.
shocking how much more tolerable relatives are after a drink or two!!!
~claps hands~
good for you!!
way to break the hymen!!!
Hammer,
The 4th of July can be a crazy holiday weekend. Sometimes drinking can exacerbate family situations.
If you want them to respect the rules you have for your house when they visit you, then it would have been a nice gesture of respect to not drink at theirs since they asked specifically.
Okay, 'nuff said. You have a good sense of fairness about you and you're smart.
This is also coming from someone that only has something to drink once or twice a year...
Hammer,
Love your Dad's quote. Truer words have never been spoken.
Yep, yer dad had some wisdom there. Now that you mention it, we always drankk tea at our family things. All my granddad ever did was sit and chew tobacco and spit into an old coffee can. Guess granny had his nuts in a drawer.
My folks were a bit better. Dad loved his rum and coke. Mom still loves to tipple. Denise and I are lushes in comparison. She calls me from work, at lunch, and says "Take me to a bar!"
Happy to say Hubby's balls are definitely intact and maybe even bigger since he married me! I am the kind of woman feministas HATE!
Read the above post and this one and thought it was great. Funny!
Oh. And if my hubby showed up at the family reunion with a couple of cases of beer, my Baptist preacher daddy would annoint him with oil and hedge him in with a circle of prayer. Hubs doesn't for his own peace of mind. At reunions that is.
Jen
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