Back from the reunion

The family reunion was held in a hotel out in the Texas hill country. It was a huge house built in the early 20th century and converted to a bed and breakfast sort of thing. Luckily, my family reserved the extra 2 story house on the property that was removed from the main area.

The place was touted as a Christian retreat where all the big evangelicals stay when they are travelling. There were pictures of their smiling faces beaming down from every wall.

The property itself was on the river, but most everyone stayed on the giant outside porch overlooking the grounds and near the pool.

It's funny that even though these are supposed to be reunions, everyone still stays in their little clique and pretty much snubs or avoids everyone else. I figure why go if you aren't going to talk to anyone.

Personally, I felt obligated to hang out with my wife's cousins and their families a little bit each day. They seem to accept me more and more and as the years go by the "kids" become second tier in line to keep the families together. The parents are in their 60's and 70's so those of us in our late 30's and 40's are taking up more of the slack and responsibility.

For the first time this year, I was invited to go golfing on the adjacent course that is partnered with the hotel. I hadn't picked up my clubs in over a year, but the greens fees were comped for 18 holes. It was me and two guys who married into the family like I did, and one legit cousin.

The golf course was fancy. I felt a little under dressed and under skilled but after a while my game improved and everyone started to loosen up and joke around. Turns out that the golf outing was supposed to be boys day out. After the first 9 holes, we rented a cooler and stocked our golf carts with beer and played the last nine a little less seriously. This was the only place I had ever been that encouraged drinking and driving and I was sure that cousin stew was going to dump the cart over with his NASCAR impersonation. We finished our game, downed the rest of the beer and went back across the street to the hotel. Luckily, I brought some mint drops so the boys wouldn't get in trouble with their wives for coming back sauced.

I wasn't sauced but for some reason I got really sunburned and everyone had to ask me at least once why I was fucsia. I was about ready to hang a sign around my neck that read "yes it is a sunburn now shut the fuck up."

Everyone was jealous of our separate quarters and I have to admit it was nice to be able to get away and have my own personal space and kitchen away from nosy relatives and bratty kids.

One of the coolest things was that there were no televisions on the entire property. Not a single one. Some folks were in serious withdrawal and I was laughing my ass off.

I didn't realize that the town's fireworks were going to be launched not even 100 feet from where were staying. The explosions were going off right over our heads and we were showered with sparks and burning chunks of cardboard. It was probably the most amazing display I've ever seen and I only had two burn holes in my shirt to show for it.

Before we left, I had mixed gin with fresca and cranberry juice in specially marked bottles to keep the drinkers happy. Personally, I was too tired to drink so I let my wife, niece and nephew have at it. All the guys at the main house were trying to get me to smuggle them booze but I told them they would have to come over and drink it at our house. Since they weren't allowed to be off the spousal leash, the party at my pad was a no go.

Everything went pretty smoothly except for the fact that my sister in law wore a "worlds greatest grandma" T-shirt even though she hasn't seen her grand kids more than twice despite living less than a mile away from them. She ended up choosing her perpetually pissed off and moody live in boyfriend over her own kids and grandchildren. So understandably, there were a handful of folks who thought that it was ludicrous and were outraged that she wear that shirt.

I about laughed my ass off when my little 4 year old nephew walked up to her and asked "hey lady what's your name again?"

Everything went well so we are going to the same place next year.