Hammer's guide to colloquialisms

I'm sure you guys can read between the lines and get the gist of what I write about most of the time. However, especially for my foriegn readers (that live more than 75 miles away from me) I'm sure there are some words, phrases and regional faire you may not be familiar with. Here are some from the top of my head that you may or may not know.



Pertineer: Close to.
Ned was pertineer drunk when he mooned the cops while driving his pickup.


Hard on: An active plotting type grudge.
Janice had a hard on for that new female adminstrative assistant with the big tits who seemed to know all the answers.


Floater: When someone forgets to flush.
Hey Walter! You see that floater in the gimp stall? I'm afraid to go near it...


Ass spelunker: An openly gay man.
Holy crap! Did you year Doogie Howser is an ass spelunker?


Cum guzzler: A loose woman:
Oh my gawd Florence, did you see that cum guzzler in the sequined tube top and short shorts on isle 7?


Dick weed: A nerdish young man who is incapable or unwilling to defend his honor. "
Hey dickweed you're in my chair"

Barney: An incompetant person in a security or pseudo law enforcement role.
"Did ya hear about that barney who accidentally shot himself in the leg and then called it in as a drive by?"

Pig fucker: A member of the Klu Klux Klan.
" Those pig fuckers are marching down main street at noon, bring the tear gas and batons"

Happy meal: A woman in a bar that will screw anyone who buys her fast food and drives her home.
"I could have had a happy meal but I didn't have enough change in the ash tray"

Bum diddler: A pervert who tries to keep it a secret.
The Catholic church is going to go bankrupt if they don't keep these bum diddlers under control.

Sausage party: A group of males that get together and pretend to not care that they are dateless and unattractive.
"Oh man! I never would have showed up if I had known this was going to be a sausage party..."

Balls out: All the way, to the maximum or extreme.
"I woke up 20 minutes late so I had drive balls out to get to work on time.

Jizz mopper: Someone in a very mundane, low paying and undesirable job.
When are you going to quit being a jizz mopper and get a real job?

Hope this helps you get a clearer picture of what I'm talking about in my posts.