On Vacation..see you guys in a couple weeks

Worst burglar ever

The fastest

I grew up watching this guy. He never fails to amaze.

Now on Broadway!

Learn something new everyday.

I had never heard of or knew what a hipster was until woody edumacated me.

I would have preferred to remain ignorant.

But since I've been mentally scarred I'll have to drag you guys down with me.

These are "hipsters"







H/T Mitchieville

Some funnies

Blownstar post

Jihad Gene asked that I give a rundown of the recent blogmeet.

Basically it was one big blur of drunken debauchery and swimming pool cannonballs intermixed with improbable fits of hilarity.

I won't go into the whole thing but there was this one memorable night.

Everyone was swimming and I got coaxed into the pool I swam around BSing with my friends when one asks me ..who is that couple necking in the corner 0f the pool...

I did a little underwater surveillance..they weren't blownstar invitees but instead guests of other folks... who were getting it on... cause I was dodging tartar sauce in the pool water.

When I moved out of the pool and back to the porch, the couple went inside our bunkhouse and started to get down so I cranked up the boom box so I wouldn't have to hear that shit.

Myself and a few other guys were telling dirty stories from our youth. At this point I hadn't slept in about 50 hours, and I had been drinking beer and shots since 9am.

The post coital couple made their way outside and sat on the patio furniture next to me, the girl curls up and passes out and the dude I ended up recognizing.

So we all start bullshitting about even dirtier stories from our youth, barmaids, pool tables, french poodles and spinach dip.

I look down at my watch and it's 4:30am so I'm like "fuck going to sleep".. Who wants a beer?

So I grab a handful of shiners and we keep partying.

Post coitus dude has to go so he ends up leaving the chick on patio louge chair.

So it ends up being CD and myself drinking, smoking and shooting the shit. I forgot the girl was even there.

The sun was just coming up over the horizon and I went to grab another beer and as I walked up to my seat all I saw was the chick's hiked up mini dress with this hanging out for all of the world to see:



I'll narrarate the rest:

Hammer: CD: get over here! You need to check out Arby's beef flaps!
CD: WTF?
Hammer: look at this fucking gigantic fur burger with tartar sauce,
CD: gets up to look and the girl rolls over, closing the blinds on her meat curtains.
Hammer: Oh well
CD: Arbys?
Hammer think of Arbys and cooch at the same time
CD: Hahaha gross!
Arbys girl: Ugh I have to go to work in 45 minutes
Hammer: Right on...
CD Fuckin A..
Arbys Girl: No I don't think you understand the situation..
Hammer: situation?
Arby's girl: What are you going to do to help me?
Hammer: Sorry I would love to help you but we've been drinking since 9:00.......Yesterday
CD: don't you have a car?
Arbys girl: Yes a truck
CD: well where is it?
Arby's girl: Well I don't fucking know
CD well I guess you're fucked then.
Arby's girl: You obviously don't understand the situation.
Hammer: I think it's pretty clear (cracks open two more shiners)
CD: Yeah you're fucked...looks like you're going to have to hoof it.
Hammer: Snort!! lol
Arby's girl: this isn't fucking funny I need to be at work in 35 minutes you obviously don't understand the situation!
CD: BEEEEOOTCH I don't think YOU understand the situation...I'm from fucking California I came on a fucking plane...unless you want me to hold your fucking hand and walk with you to work it looks like you aren't going to make it.
Hammer: me thinks this girl has never been told no before.
Arby's girl: Harrumph! Fucking fine!!! (Stomps off)
Hammer: Fucking Arbys dude!
CD You obviously don't understand the situation!!
Arby's girl: I'm only 10 feet away and I can still hear you
Hammer:Bwhahahaha
CD: (spits beer)
CD: I wasn't too much of a dick was I?
Hammer: She didn't even offer us any of her beefy meat curtains.

Surely going to hell for this one

Texas issues a commemorative keychain to honor the king of pop.

and why aren't we nuking this festering shithole?

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,534116,00.html

TEHRAN, Iran — Members of Iran's feared Basij militia forcibly marry female virgin prisoners the night before scheduled executions, raping their new "wives" and making it religiously acceptable to execute them, a self-professed member of the paramilitary group said.

The anonymous militiaman told the Jerusalem Post that at age 18 he was "given the 'honor' to temporarily marry young girls before they were sentenced to death."
In the Islamic Republic of Iran it is illegal to execute a woman if she is a virgin, the former guard told the newspaper. So the government arranges "wedding" ceremonies to be conducted the night before executions, and prisoners are forced to have sexual intercourse with a guard.

Raped by her new "husband," a female prisoner is now fit to be put to death.>

Is it racist?

H/T woody

A couple for FOD

Correction and retraction

Hello,
Cyclone Power Technologies and Robotic Technology Inc are partnering to create a robot that can forage for its own "food" - fuel to run on. Unfortunately this week, some media outlets have incorrectly stated this week that the robot will feed on dead bodies for fuel.

The truth is, this robot will be a strict vegetarian. This is a cutting-edge project that has tremendous potential for reconnaissance, surveillance and other military/security applications.

If you'd like to learn more about Cyclone Power Technologies and its lineup of modern-day steam engines that can power anything from weed whackers to locomotives, please let me know.

Frank Wolff Wellons Communications 407-339-0879 office 407-637-6000 cell

Autistic teen fools airlines into believing he is a tycoon

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,533813,00.html?test=latestnews
From The Sunday Times
July 19, 2009
Teenager wings it with a fake airline

A TEENAGE boy from Yorkshire succeeded in persuading British aviation executives that he was a tycoon about to launch his own airline. Using the pseudonym Adam Tait, the smooth-talking 17-year-old told airport and airline executives that he had a fleet of jets.
Tait, who said he was in his twenties, even flew to Jersey to attend a 1½-hour long meeting with the director of its airport. Their talks were considered promising enough for a further meeting to be arranged, which was due to be held next week.
Other air industry bosses found themselves dealing by telephone or e-mail with Tait’s fellow executives, David Rich and Anita Dash, who proposed to launch a cut-price Channel Islands-based airline servicing most of Europe.
What no one realised was that Tait, Rich and Dash were all the same person: an aircraft buff with the gift of the gab and an overactive imagination.
His exploits are reminiscent of those of Frank Abagnale Jr, who convinced the Pan Am airline that he was a pilot while still a teenager.

The Yorkshire teenager’s six-month-long ruse, which included placing articles in industry magazines, foundered only after one publication, Airliner World, became suspicious. It started to unravel the complex network that Tait had set up of fake websites, “virtual offices” complete with a real telephone receptionist and bogus names.
Last Monday he was questioned by Essex police while trying to gain access to a 93- seater jet at Southend airport, having convinced the plane’s marketing agent that his “company” wanted to lease it.
The police, who had intervened after being tipped off by Airliner World, discovered the boy’s true identity. Although no further action was taken, his fantasy was finally grounded.

Be back monday.

Have a good weekend!

On blogging

I try to read and comment on any blog who cares enough to leave me a comment. Some folks have no blog linked in their profile so I figure they don't have one or it's private. If you want me to come read you, don't be shy. Send me an Email at bohab1969@yahoo.com

Don't send any more email to my hotmail account or it will probably end up in some electronic round file in Nigeria.

As a side note:

There are some blogs and blog posts that I cannot read or comment on and still keep my sanity. Here are some examples:

Blogs devoted to macaroni art.

Blogs that devote themselves to large odd shaped vegetable insertions

The hippy peace blog ring for self joy and understanding.

Buster O-ring's blog guide to gay bar restrooms.

Blogs devoted to breast feeding children until they are 12 years old.

Goth blogs with sad poetry, hair dye and self mutilation.

I think you get the idea.

Cell phones are evil

Goings on

It was my nephew's birthday yesterday. His wife and kids have been out of town for 3 weeks and everyone forgot to wish him well, so we took him to a gormet burger place and to the comic book store so he could pick something out for himself. He's 27 now but I've been buying him comic books since he was 8 and it's hard to break the habit. The burgers were good..and they better be for $13 bucks each.. Fries and drinks are extra. I had a vegetarian burger on a kaiser roll with cheddar, mangos, spinach and roasted red pepper. They are also the only place I know that can make good sweet potato fries.

Oh yeah as a side note, comic book geeks are more breast obsessed than ordinary geeks... damn near every action figure, statue and comic book cover in the store portrayed giant boobs barely restrained by a skimpy costume. Hell, these dudes in the comic book store loved boobs so much that many of them had grown their own.

I had to kick in the door to my garage yesterday. The doorknob mechanism broke and even when I removed the parts the latch wouldn't release. I hardly had to put any force into my kick and a solid core door split into about 3 pieces. It took a whole bottle of elmers and 5 C clamps to put it back together. I don't know what that says about home security except for the fact that doors are pretty much a social barrier more than anything.

The doorbell rang yesterday and I was like "holy shit what now?" I fucking hate surprise visitors. In fact I hate damn near everybody that disturbs me at home. It turned out to be the mail man..he handed me a trial size box of maxi-pads shrugged his shoulders and walked off.

Why in the fuck is the mailman going door to door handing out that shit? No doubt it's another brilliant marketing plan by some idiot with a leaky mangina.

These guys know how to party.

3 year blogoversary

I started this thing 3 years ago not knowing how it would go.

There have been a few bumps along the way, readers and bloggers have come and gone.

I've unintentionally pissed in a few people's cheerios, some rolled with the punches and some deleted me off their blogrolls.

I figure it's inevitable, you can't please everyone all the time.

For the most part this blog has been more fun and enjoyable than I could have ever imagined and to you guys who stop by to read and or comment I thank you.

Here's are some funnies:

It's a phallus Jim, but not as we know it.

Walmart introduces their new store brand underwear.

Those Wacky ATF guys...

Someone call Al Sharpton!

Tagged

I haven't done a meme in forever and I was looking for one when curiously I found that I was Tagged by the Admiral.

Ten honest things about myself.

1. I love to prank people. My favorite targets are the guilty, the paranoid and the humorless members of our society.

2. I'm often disgusted with people who refuse to see the truth even when it stares them in the face.

3. I hate being wrong, but honestly I will gladly admit when I make a mistake.

4. I used to like accumulating material goods, but now it feels like my possesions own me.

5. When I'm around people from a different region or country, I feel myself start to take on their accent.

6. I'm irreverent to the point of being anti-social so I have to temper what I say to keep from being labeled.

7. In some ways I envy the Iranian people..the genie is out of the bottle. They are mad as hell and fighting back against tyranny. The same goes for Honduras, the president tried to stage an anti-constitutional takeover and the checks and balances worked properly to take him out.

8. I have a hard time watching movies and television shows with time travel as part of the plot because I find myself picking out all the errors made regarding the cars on the street, the language used and the curious practice of pretending segregation didn't exist.

9. I'm finding myself getting hooked on reality cooking shows. It's the only place I know where the judging is blind to sex, color, creed and nationality...if your food sucks, the judges boot your ass out the door.

10. Every morning when I read the headlines, I ask myself: "What fresh fuckery is this?"

Random thoughts

I looked at twitter recently. I've had a couple of invites. When I got there all I could see was a profile pic and a bunch of one liners from whoever was being followed.

7:00AM Taking a crap.
7:05AM pushing pushing
7:15AM Wiping Wiping Wiping
7:25AM Eating Toast
7:30AM Have to go wipe some more
7:54AM Oh shit I missed Spongebob
8:01AM Damnit I hate Dora and her stupid fucking monkey

I just can't get into it.

I tried farting around with facebook until someone mentioned that long lost friends from 20 and 30 years ago were finding and contacting them with the friend finder.

There isn't anyone I want to talk to from 20 years ago....and who are all these "friends" that keep popping up everywhere...and why does that clown have a french tickler for a nose?

I don't think I'm fitting in with the times.

I'm guessing TV advertising revenue must be down because now instead of Oxy-clean they are advertising "Extenze" ...it makes a man larger... My kid asked me if it makes people taller. I finally had break down and tell him that some men are embarrassed by the cocktail weenie dangling between their legs and other guys make fun of them in the locker room. I went on to explain that they are selling fake medicine to profit off of people who are self conscious about being hung like a field mouse. He just said, "that's gross dad why do they show that stuff on TV?"

I couldn't agree more.

Here's a funny:

Some of my drink recipes

When I make drinks I try to use ingredients and techniques that are easy for the occasional or at home mixologist. I don't keep a large amount of different liquors in my pantry. I usually decide on one or two types of drinks I'll be serving and keep it simple. Otherwise, I'll be at my own party making drinks all night instead of enjoying the company of my guests.

One trick I use is to take a recently emptied fruit juice bottle with a wide mouth and screw on lid and mix a batch of drinks in that and take it with me to the beach, camping or to the pool. It sure beats lugging around all the different ingredients and glass bottles of liquor. I use the ocean spray cranberry bottles for the most part. I take the label off and mark the bottle with a permanent marker so that some unsuspecting non drinker doesn't get a surprise. I keep the ice seperate to keep the drinks from getting watered down.
..................................................................
White Russian

1 oz Kaluaha
2 oz high quality unflavored Vodka
3oz milk or half and half
Pour over crushed ice and stir well.
This drink is very reminicent of chocolate milk and it will sneak up on you.. so be careful

There is a version of this called a "Colorado bulldog" where you just add a splash of Coke to the glass and the drink takes on a whole new dimension.
................................................................
"Fuzzy navel":

2 oz peach schnops
3 oz orange juice
Pour over ice cubes in a tall glass

This is great for summer and is inoffensive to people not accustomed to mixed drinks.
..............................................................
Here is one of my favorites:

"Fuck the Royal Navy"

1 oz Crown Royal
2 oz Chamapgne
1 oz pineapple juce
Mix in a shaker with crushed Ice and strain into a cocktail glass
Squeeze a lime over the top.

Enjoy!

Some Wednesday funnies.

Yep that's about right.

That's goin to leave a mark.

Family fun time?

Yep

Hammer Burgers.

I made these last night and they were a hit.


1 Lb Ground Chuck
1 Lb Ground pork
1 medium onion
3 cloves garlic
2 tsp salt
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp paprika


Place the onion, garlic and spices in a food processor and liquify it.

In a large bowl blend the beef, pork and onion mixture until it is mixed well
Form into large pattys and grill over medium high heat in a cast iron skillet or non stick grill pan. You can even do these on the outside grill if you are careful.

Cook the burgers for about 5 minutes per side. You should see some carmelization when you flip them. If not, cook for a bit longer.

I topped them with provelone cheese and served them on a kaiser roll.

I always make a tray with hamburger fixings such as pickles, onions, lettuce, tomatoes, guacamole etc.. so each person can pick and choose exactly how they want their burger topped.

The onion spice mix makes these burgers moist and well seasoned...it really helps to keep the burger from turning into a hocky puck when cooking them well done for the kids.

Back

The reunion went well I guess. It was frigging hot. 18 holes of golf almost killed me in 103 degree heat. Good thing we had golfers gatorade (cold beer) We would buy a few at the clubhouse then head over to the truck to load up with our own cheaper store bought . I didn't play as well as last year. I did have a couple good 240 yard drives but the heat was kicking my ass.

No fireworks this year..they said it was too dry but I really think the town lacked the money to put on the show.

There were 3 main families there and each was responsible for a meal. My brother in law has been working as a cook for about 10 years so he made pasta, I did the salad and mother in law made desert. We got to work in a small professional kitchen so that was pretty cool. I also learned a few things about making mass quantities of food and using the proper equipment.

We stayed up late and drank beer with some cousins, cut up and joked around. We were sure we made enough noise to wake up the ultra baptists and piss them off with our demon alcohol and devil music. Everyone kept telling me to move the party away from the main hotel but I said fuck it. I'm almost 40 years old what the hell do I have to be afraid of? It's not like I'm 16 sneaking booze out of my dad's liquor cabinet. Some of my counterparts from other families act like dogs that have been kicked too much..they are fun to be around but always have their tail between their legs afraid of their wives and mothers in law scolding them.

I'm proud to say my wife was right there with me matching me beer for beer...the only time I get yelled at is when I don't get them open fast enough...

Needless to say I was a little worse for wear the next morning when we had to get up and load the car. Thankfully the kids are old enough to do a lot of the work.

My sister in law and her husband ignored repeated calls and warnings that we were taking family pictures. We waited 30 minutes and then took them without her. They were really pissed off and making a scene so I said fuck off and got in the car while they did the pictures all over again just for her. I would have given her the benefit of the doubt but this is the 3rd year in a row she's pulled this bullshit. Everyone was acting like I was the bad guy for not wanting to be in the middle of their screaming bullshit. Fuck them. I don't do drama.

I'm off

I'm off to the family reunion. I'll catch up with everyone on Monday.



Here's a funny.

Well ain't that a bitch

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,529920,00.html?test=latestnews
ELK GROVE, Calif. — A Northern California elementary school teacher sent her students home for the summer with a video of class memories, only the DVD included six seconds of her having sex on a couch.

Officials at the Elk Grove Unified School District asked families of the teacher's 24 students to get rid of the DVD after the unintended clip was found spliced in a scene where children were sharing stories in class.

"Just destroy them," said spokeswoman Torrey Johnson.

Johnson said the teacher, Crystal Defanti, sent the DVD home with her students from Isabelle Jackson Elementary on the last day of class Friday. She learned of the mistake after a parent called her. She then called all the parents to ask them to destroy the DVD.


The school district, located just south of Sacramento, initially sent a letter home to parents asking them to return the DVDs, but then asked parents to simply destroy them.

Yeah I'm sure they were all destroyed....

Thursday funnies

Stereotypes are often based in reality.

Truck Drivin Man

I just found this song on an old CD I forgot I had. I put it some pics to it and stuck it on Youtube...lets see how long it takes for the fuckers to delete it.