Only in Vegas

On my recent trip to Vegas I was reminded of some of the weird things people do there. Maybe they do these things at home too. I'm not sure.

Every morning the casino bathrooms are filled with men blasting the water out of the toilets. Even in these huge well ventilated and marble walled restrooms there is always some guy who can pollute all 2000 square feet with fetid stench so bad that it makes the whole place unbearable. This is every damn bathroom on the strip. I'm trying to pee with my shirt pulled up over my face while breathing through my mouth and all I can taste is the thick nasty polluted butt air.

Ever see a guy take his drink into a bathroom stall, set it on the floor next to the toilet and take a stand up piss? I could actually see his drink splashing. But hell I guess for 7 to 10 bucks each, beers need to be watched carefully.

The beggars that hang out on the walkways between the casinos. "Hungry please help". I saw one filthy son of a bitch take a pile of wadded up bills out of his pocket, convert them to poker chips at the cashier and head straight for the roulette tables. Now THAT is a gambling problem.

Drunk kids leaving the hotel's dress up, hip fru fru bar at 4:00 AM. Glassy eyed stumbling, chicks with their tits spilling out and makeup smeared everywhere. Some crawling through their own puke trying to make it toward the elevators, high heels kicked off and abandoned. The ones that didn't hook up at the bar are desperately trying to grab onto any man with a pulse to take back to the room.

The cocktail waitresses look rode hard and put up wet. They are made to wear this outfit that pushes their boobs up in some impossible cleavage inducing package no matter how ridiculous it looks. They act like they've seen it all and will not take shit off anyone. I make sure to tip them so they don't spit in my drink.

90% of the table dealers are Asian. It's really not a problem except when they go off on you in their native tongue because you played your cards wrong. "No no you idiot not two kings dere pai gow pai gow you let me play your hand next time you moron!"

Those little tiny soaps in the hotel room. Christ almighty. I'm a pretty big guy and I'll be trying to wash my butt or something and the damn thing will disappear on me. I'm like "where the fuck did my soap go?' So I'll just finish up not really thinking about it. Next thing you know I'm walking down Las Vegas Boulevard and I feel a strange lump on my ass cheek. Holy shit! is that a tumor, a parasite? Oh fuck. No..it's just a minature hotel soap that got tangled in my butt hair.

Perspective

Sometimes you just have to look at things in perspective. Yeah my house is falling apart and at age 38 I'm starting to fall apart as well. But I've got a wife that cares about me and three kids that still want to hug me goodnight, so I feel pretty damn lucky. Life isn't always easy but it seems we have to look at the big picture and take stock of our lives once in a while.

Just like the book says: Don't sweat the small stuff..it's all small stuff.

I'm glad I made the difficult scary decisions when I did because I'm not sure I could make them now.

lolcats 10

Back

Vacation was interesting. The wife and I ended up going to Las Vegas to celebrate her birthday.

We had free airline tickets from frequent flier miles and the hotel rooms at the Luxor were really cheap.

The whole trip was calm and uneventful. This was one of the very few times I didn't win any money. Luckily, this hammer knows when to stop trying.

The first night we went to see Louie Anderson. The guy is a riot. He picks on people in the audience for his material which makes things even funnier.

I was annoyed at the new drink prices in Vegas. Pretty much any beverage including bottled water is seven bucks. It actually pays to put some money in a machine to get your drinks for free.

One guy walked up to the bar and ordered a round for his friends...$84 bucks for 6 drinks. The bar tender told the guy..."Dude.. just stick ten bucks in the video poker in front of you and all the drinks are free" We learned quickly where to get our beverages.

Our last night we went tothe MGM grand. It got a little hairy because all the people who escaped the fire at the Monte Carlo had been relocated there.

We ended up getting tickets to see Tom Jones.

He put on a damn good show but seriously that's about the only place a 68 year old man can grab his cock in public multiple times and not get arrested for it.

It was good to get home. I find myself getting homesick more and more when vacationing.

The wife had a good birthday and that's all that counts.

Off to vacation

My wife's vacation schedule suddenly changed so we are taking a short trip to celebrate her birthday. See you all later next week.

Minor cultural differences.

Since I moved to this part of the country over 25 years ago I came to fully appreciate the differences in the way Americans speak, eat and live their day to day lives. Someone who abrubtly changes their locale will often find themselves facing strange looks in grocery stores and restaurants due to language and custom barriers.

Here's a few that I've noticed in South Texas.

Around here people ask for a soda. This pretty much means any carbonated beverage in a can or plastic bottle. If you ask for a "pop" people will give you a blank stare or if you ask for a "Coke" they will ask you if Pepsi is ok.

Around here it's common for someone at work to run and get breakfast tacos for everyone.

This is not a taco with ground beef, lettuce and a crispy shell. This is a small flour torilla filled with any combination of eggs, sausage, cheese, potatoes, barbacoa, carne guisada,beans etc wrapped in aluminum foil. Usually served with a little cup of homemade salsa, there is usually some mom and pop place on every corner that makes breakfast tacos to go.

Iced tea is big here, breakfast lunch and dinner. Most places serve it unsweetened except for barbecue places.

Speaking of barbecue, Brisket is big along with pork ribs and sausage. Sauce is usually served on the side. From what I understand every area does theirs a certain way. Pork isn't big at all here and most people don't know how to cook it.

Silly things, like at the grocery store. We call it a cart, I've heard others call it a "pusher" "buggy" or a "basket" Get it right or get laughed at.

I think each part of the country calls their meals something different as well.

5am to 10am is Breakfast, 11am to 3pm is lunch and 4pm to 6pm is supper or if you do 6pm to 9pm it's called dinner. It's all very confusing and the rules are not set in stone.

People are dead serious about their chili around these parts. Beef, a few chopped onions and spices nothing else. Where I was born, all chili had beans in it. If a bean touches chili here there's gonna be trouble. The Mexicans call their home made hot sauce "chile" prounounced almost the same. So if you order Chili at a mexican reastaurant you will get a bowl of spicy salsa put in front of you.

Most times, if you order a beer you shouldn't be surprised if there is salt on the rim and a lime on the side. We drink tequlia straight and one is put in front of you. Better not say no.

There is a thing called a "Texas Courtesy" If a slow farm truck or other vehicle is on a two lane road they often pull to the shoulder to let other cars pass. I've not seen this phenomenon in any other state.

I can only speak to the customs I've experienced here and the midwest. What others have you seen?

I made a few music videos

Nothing fancy, I just wanted to put some songs I like on youtube.

Reconciliation..sort of

I went to my mother in law's birthday party last night. I was warned that everyone was going to be there. Since my family still hadn't had any meaningful reconciliation with my sister in law, I was concerned. Christmas had gone ok but nothing besides basic pleasantries were exchanged.

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When we arrived, the whole gang was there. We ate, my Mother in law opened her presents, then we all sat down and played cards till about 11pm with no incidents. Actually everyone had a good time and we were able to talk, joke, shoot the shit and have a very pleasant evening.

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Personally, if I screw up, I go up to the person, apologize and try to make amends. The people in my wife's family cope by ingnoring three years of nastiness, backbiting and not talking just like it never happened.

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I overheard my little daughter walk up to her aunt and ask her why she wasn't mad at mommy anymore... I thought... "crap here it comes" but my sister in law just said: "grown up stuff honey"

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I guess I shouldn't look gift horses in the mouth and I'm glad my wife has her sister back after all these years. They went out today and got their nails done today and did girl stuff. It's still hard for me to get used to the idea. I'm a slow learner I guess.

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When I asked the wife how it went, she said it was fine but it seemed a little difficult for her sister to hide and dismiss the fact that they went three years without speaking.

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It's nice to not feel the pressure and foreboding of worrying when our paths might cross and how to deal with wayward relatives. I can forgive and be pleasant but it sure is hard for me to pretend I even understand how people can live a lie and ignore giant parts of their life like they never happened. Oh well.

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I made my signature salad (pictured above) to bring to the birthday party. Pretty much any time there is a family get together they request that I bring it.

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Hammer's signature salad:

Ingredients

1 head romaine

1 bunch fresh spinach or bag of pre-cut

1 box of sweet cherry tomatoes

1 large avocado

1 green bell pepper

1 red bell pepper

1 red onion

1 can large black olives (pitted)

1 poblano pepper

1 small jar of capers

1 cucumber

1 can of quartered artichoke hearts

1 block of regular or herbed feta

First wash all the lettuce and vegetables and drain really well. then in a large wide bowl add romaine and spinach. All the rest of the vegetables should be cut to where they are thin and circular: cucumbers, rings of bell pepper and onions especially. Lay down each ingredient evenly all over the top of the salad individually. This makes sure everyone will get a bit of each flavor and it really adds to the presentation.

Once all the vegetables are layered neatly add cherry tomatoes, olives, capers slice the avocado and lay that down then crumble the cheese on top. Immediately cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until ready to serve.

This recipe will serve about ten to twelve people.

Tagged

Mimi tagged me for this meme. It was actually fun to do.

The Band Meme

Here's how it goes. You are about to have your own band's CD cover. Follow these directions Go to......
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together.

I'll tag whoever wants to do it. Just put it on your blog and I'll come check it out.

Weekly rundown

My 11 year old has been craving Sardines. I asked if he had ever had them and he said no but he wanted to try them. I bought a can and he gulped em all down within minutes. It was like watching fear factor when he dangled those slimy things over his mouth and devoured them. The stink in the kitchen was awful. I'm not sure I'm buying them again.

Next he wanted anchovies, So I bought him a personal pizza topped with the nasty things. He ended up not being able to eat it because the salt made his tongue numb. Go figure...

There's a local Italian place I go to that serves everyone at the table a salad no matter what. It's their policy that they HAVE TO put a salad in front of everyone who is eating, even very small children.

My youngest only eats cucumbers, the middle eats black olives and the oldest only eats dark green leaves. So I end up eating four huge plates of salad. I'm not complaining because it's actually pretty damn good.

I spent most of today taking all the DVDs we own, pulling out the disks and putting them in flip books. I realized the other day that I couldn't get to most of the movies in my collection because they were stacked 4 deep on every available shelf. I ended up throwing away three 55 gallon trash bags full of empty cases. I just don't have room for any more superfluous shit.

My youngest daughter is taking caps of toothpaste, lotion, etc and sticking them to the bathroom wall. Then she goes and lies about it. I can't for the life of me figure out where she comes up with this shit but it's starting to piss me off. I have hidden about every tube cap in the house and have several products drying out and evaporating as we speak.

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I guess it was a fairly normal week.

Fear and loathing in Las Vegas

My wife and I have been to Las Vegas countless times over the years. We always have a great time. We do stuff together, walk around, gamble a little, eat, drink see a show... no worries no stress.

My wife got a free trip to Vegas with her sister. Before she could ask me if it was ok to go without me, I told her not to worry and have a good time. My brother in law, (I will call shithead) was an abusive pain in the ass and he gave my wife's sister a whole load of shit about her going without him.

Four days of his wife being in Vegas sent him off the deep end. He was calling, screaming leaving messages on everyone's phone and basically going full on flaming apeshit. This was nothing new to me. I knew he was an unbalanced possessive asshole.

Did I mention shithead was on my bowling team? I was taking one for the team by letting him join. It gave my sister in law a break from his abuse once a week. Shithead was always too much of a pussy to give me problems. He was also jealous of me, probably due to my lack of mental illness and of me not having a substance abuse problem.

Did I mention my bowling team was a Las Vegas league? That meant at the end of the finals everyone got four days and three nights in Vegas paid for through the weekly bowling fees.

Once the time came, it was my two best friends Gary and Mike (I'll call the asshole twins) along with me and shithead. On our way to Vegas, everyone was talking about going to the ranch to have sex with prostitutes.... I told them to send me a postcard. Hookers ain't my bag baby....

You will never realize what whiny bitches are until you take three fat ass, cheap, miserly, passive aggressive fucktards to Las Vegas. They were like 3 babies that were just pulled off their mothers tit.

I was determined to have a good time. All these guys wanted to do was stay in the room and watch TV. After much cajoling, I finally got them out on the strip.. "this is too much walking" "I'm chafing" "My balls are sweaty" on an and on they bitched. I finally turned around and told them "If I wanted to hear bitching and moaning I would have brought your wives and girlfriends instead of you assholes"

This shamed them into shutting up for a little while. I decided right then and there that we needed mass quantities of alcohol, mostly to numb my brain to all the negative energy.

We went into O'Sheas and sat down at a 2 dollar blackjack table and proceeded to empty their keg of "free" Guinness. Winning at cards and free booze put shithead and the asshole twins in a better mood. We took a cab to the Hard Rock to check out the casino. Shithead and the asshole twins were losing money and getting angry. I won $500 on a slot machine and everyone started throwing a fit. My god! These guys had a mental age of 5. I never realized before how bad they were.

I was determined for these guys to loosen up and have fun. We back to the hotel, changed and headed to the House of Blues. We began drinking kamikaze's finally we were having a good time laughing and making poop and fart jokes. The asshole twins were flirting with the bartenders when shithead brother in law tells me that his wife is calling his phone every 5 minutes screaming and crying and going hysterical about her not giving him permission to go to Vegas. I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity. Shithead and my sister in law were truly soul mates.

My friend Gary overheard this and said , "damn! why is she being such a bitch" Uh Oh. that was the wrong thing for one drunk asshole to say to another. I jumped in between them and told my friend to apologize for calling his wife a bitch...well I guess most of you know how stubborn and stupid drunks can be. They didn't fight but instead pouted for the rest of the trip.

By this time I had enough. I went off by myself, gambled, took in the sights won another thousand dollars and enjoyed myself. Shithead and the asshole twins just sat in the hotel room for the rest of the trip...even though they had loads of money and had never been in Vegas before. Hell, I would have been happy if they had at least gone to see the hookers like they had promised.

It just goes to show...You can lead a Donkey to Sin City but you can't make him stop being a jackass.

Lolcats nine

Here is my latest lolcats video




You can make your own lolcat pictures using this website:

http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/

Took a few pictures today and made a short video

Click for much larger images.

I trimmed the tree and thought it looked good from this angle.

Chula looking innocent
Marvin checking out the camera
Marvin doing what he does best.
The most perverted dog toy I've ever seen

Chula likes to slide

Hammers take.

GuyK got me thinking about the Ten Commandments and how they have shaped human history. I pretty much believe they are good words to live by. I then remembered I hadn't read them in a while. I'll do a literal 21's century translation while I'm at it.

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Good call. Who has time for more than one god anyway? Sunday would be like fathers day at the dog pound.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

Take down those Ozzy Osbourne posters, throw out that bong and skull candle holder or God will come down and do it for you.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will
not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

That means every time you say "Damn" or "Jesus Christ' when you stub your toe or slam your finger in a door, coach mephistopheles will make you run an extra lap in hell.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labor, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle,nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

Don't do shit on Sunday. Give the maid and butler the day off, don't hire anyone or make fido fetch. Be sure to buy your beer and toilet paper on Saturday.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

As long as you're living under their roof keep your trap shut. Once you are living on your own, paying your own bills and have children , then you'll see what it's like, you ungrateful little bastard.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

Unless some crackhead is trying to bust down your door at 3am.. then it's ok to fill em full of lead. Otherwise, keep it in the holster Tex.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Some say eatin ain't cheatin, but it's probably a good idea to keep it in your pants just to be on the safe side.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

Or thou shalt be filled with lead, and if you survive, bubba will make you his wife, then God will get what's left of your sorry thievin ass.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

That means, do not tell the cops you bought crack at your grandma's house just because she threw your sorry ass out in the street for being a worthless hoodlum.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s.

Go get your own wife, maid, butler and oxen, a tub of Crisco and have a good ole time.

and the point is...

I've come to the realization that life is like a modern video game. Once you've completed all the levels, found all the secrets and killed all the monsters there isn't much point in playing anymore.

Personal enjoyment and satisfaction is not derived from owning a fast car or a big house with a pool.

Some folks chase money, some chase youth, some find themselves in the bottom of a bottle.

I think eventually all of us come to the point where we ask ourselves what now?

It's probably endemic to our affluent culture, that when we no longer have to struggle for each mouthful of food, or for clothes on our back. we end up taking simple things for granted.

Some suggest religion, a healthy relationship with god, prayer, meditation etc... That is fine but what if you are already comfortable with god and your place in the afterlife?

I'm figuring on taking it one day at a time, making sure my family is happy and trying to touch peoples lives in a positive way.

One dickhead sombitch once told me that in 100 years nobody will ever know much less care what job you had, how much money you made or even if you ever existed in the first place.

What are we supposed to do with this life we are given and how important is our legacy?

Politics isn't usually this funny

I know I post a lot from these guys but it seems they captured secret audio from the presidential candidates while they were on stage.

I couldn't resist sharing.

Biscuits and gravy.

Jeanie's post got me thinking about one of my favorite breakfast foods

Baking Powder Biscuits
Ingredients: 2 cups all purpose flour
3 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp baking soda
4 tablespoons butter or shortening
1/2 tsp. salt
3/4 cup milk
In a large bowl add flour, baking powder, baking soda, and mix well. Cut in shortening or butter using your hands until the flour looks like fine crumbs. Add milk, stirring until soft dough is formed. Turn out on slightly floured surface and lightly knead for 30 seconds, pat dough flat 1/2 inch thick and cut with 2 inch biscuit cutter or a skinny glass. Bake on ungreased sheet in a 400 degree oven for 12-15 minutes.

Gravy.

Fry up your sausage and keep aside about three tablespoons of the drippings in the pan and stir in about 2 1/2 tablespoons of flour until well blended. Heat the skillet on medium and stir until flour mix begins to bubble slightly. Add two cups of milk and bring to a low boil until gravy is thick and smooth. Salt and pepper to taste.

Pour the hot gravy over warm biscuits split in half. They go great with scrambled eggs, sausage and juice.

This morning, I had the biscuits in the pan before the oven preheated and while bicuits were baking I had plenty of time to make the eggs and cream gravy. We had mimosas and hot coffee too. I need a nap.

Hidden talents and defects

Over the years I've discovered things about myself that are both worrisome and potentially positive and useful. It is frustrating however, to be hindered by my built in limitations and not to be able to fully exploit the positive aspects or side effects of how my brain is put together.

Negative:
Spatial and mechanical relationships look easy on paper but when tested I always score zero on accuracy. Basically that means when I'm given a true or false question about which way a gear in a machine is turning I always choose the opposite of what is correct.

This is really frustrating so I have to compensate by doing the opposite of what my brain is telling me, even when it comes to untwisting a bread tie, I have to force myself to turn it the other way.

Positive: My brain's internal clock is uncannily accurate. Whenever I have something on a timer, I get up to check on it and the alarm goes off just as I get there. I also wake up about one minute before my alarm goes off even though it's never set for the same time.

Negative: I'm terrible with names and certain types of faces. I can never remember whos blog belongs to who and I have to constantly check and double check even if I've visited it a hundred times. I have to also be very careful not to put my foot in my mouth when commenting. I may have forgotten about a disability, orientation or past history of someone I'm reading and end up writing something potentially hurtful.

Positive: I can spot people for what they are immediately, within seconds and with total accuracy. I can tell if they've been abused, are addicted to drugs or alcohol, are homosexual, hyper sexual or are a pervert and which type. I've never been wrong.

I don't tell others what I have discovered unless I'm sure the person is a rapist, abuser or a pedophile and I'm concerned about their safety. Some girls haven't believed me and have ended up raped for their trouble.
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I still try to warn others, even total strangers when I can. There have been times where I've spottted a predator stalking someone and have followed them all the way until person got home safely. The victim usually has no clue what transpired.

This skill makes it easy for me to know what to expect and how to behave with the people around me. It is also very disconcerting when I know I'm speaking with a killer or an abuser of women.

Positive: I've had food poisoning so many times I am hypersensitive to it and can smell it before it's consumed. This also goes for chemical contaminants. Everyone around me will be eating or drinking something rotten and I will try to warn them. Usually to no avail. Then they'll call me the next day complaining of explosive diarrhea, cramps and vomiting. Plagued by short memories they still don't listen even after multiple poisonings.

Negative: After throwing away several hundred dollars and envelope with vacation tickets I am very afraid to throw away any paper or envelope. I have drawers filled with stacks and stacks of junk mail, boxes stuffed with bank statements and receipts from 1987 onward. I even have nightmares about going through box after box and not being able to find the one piece of paper that I need to stop my life from being ruined. I have to admit, this predilection has saved my ass on occasion but I'm not sure if it's worth the aggravation.

Random bits

I was in the grocery store parking lot yesterday when the car door next to me opened. Emerging from a cloud of dense skunky smoke were two really stoned 20 somethings that reeked like hell. I happened to run across them in the Twinkie isle where they were filling their hands with snack cakes and other munchie sundries.

I walked up really close behind them and said to my daughter..."DO YOU SMELL A SKUNK IN HERE!?? My daughter said just as loudly "No daddy those two people with the red eyes are real stinky"

The two stoners did their best impression of a Benny Hill chase scene to the registers with their sugary booty. I guess I have to get my fun where I find it.

I was guilted into taking my son and his best friend "Willy" to the bowling alley. The kid is a mess. When I went to pick the lil bastard up, he tried to get into the car with no jacket (45 degrees F) and was completely shoeless. I sent him back to put something on his feet. Still no jacket, so I lent him one. I'll have to burn the sombitch later.

I took them bowling, to miniature golf, the arcade and to the sporting goods store to look around. The kid gave monosyllabic answers when I asked him questions and never once said please or thank you. for anything.

My son wants me to like his friend really badly so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have started correcting Willy and telling him to chill out, behave himself etc... It looks like he's never been corrected in his life. Oh well... I do what I can.

I sent the kids to my in laws to spend the night so I could surprise the wife with dinner and a movie.

I fixed her a nice marbled grilled rib eye, asparagus in lemon garlic sauce, and a baked potato. We then went to see National Treasure. It was a decent movie if you can suspend all disbelief for 2 hours.

One thing I do like is that Disney is showing cartoons before their movies again. I'll give that a thumbs up.

It was a nice evening overall.

Blast from the past.

My 8 year old showed me this video yesterday.

Not sure what she was searching for but it is indeed a hoot.

Moreno: :HEY BUDDY, I only want to say that you must stop doing that, , understand? NOT NICE Look at me when I talk to you. This is my number and if you mess with me one more time I'm going to give you a slap and make you stupid. Cool it.

Things I learned in 2007

That people still think "full time parent" is a worthless job for a man. Even normally polite people get "that look" on their face and make snide comments when I tell them what I do.

Other than relaxation and as an aid in socializing, tobacco and alcohol aren't worthy pursuits.

That irrational people are a huge liability and should be avoided at all costs.

It's hard to go back and capture the magic and exuberance that comes with youth.

That ADHD and other similar disabilities that negatively affect impulse control are probably part of the reason our prisons are so full.

Self destructive behavior is not worthy of my sympathy.

That I can no longer sleep to the science channel because of that loud mouthed bastard Matthew Lesko.

After looking at the current presidential candidates, Americans are totally going to get it in the bunghole in 2008.

That these guys are about the funniest political pundits out there.

After a trip with my in laws, that I have the most polite well behaved children my relatives have ever seen. (I wish the kids would do that trick for me.)

That America must really be prospering because I cannot find anyone to do plumbing and tile work at my house for any price.

What have you learned in 2007?

New years rundown.

We invited my niece and nephew over and they brought their kids ages 1 and 3.

I put out chips and dip and made queso in the crock pot. I made home made buffalo wings, cheese tray, fresh fruit, ham, hummus etc...

My nephews family all have celiacs disease where the can't be anywhere near wheat or flour. To make matters worse the baby is lactose intolerant as well.

So whatever I cooked had to meet special criteria. I don't mind, I'm used to dealing with food issues.

My nephew brought over some games for the Wii and I learned to play guitar hero. It's actually a fun and challenging game. They were telling me there is a huge number of youngsters rushing out to take guitar lessons after playing this game, then quitting after one day when they realize that learning to play a real guitar is hard work. It figures...

Both my Wife and Niece had to work till about 7pm so when they showed up I broke out the refreshments and we all snacked on the buffet while the kids played video games and ran around the house screaming and hitting each other with plastic swords.

About 10pm we sat down and played 20th anniversary Trivial pursuit and polished off about 4 bottles of champagne. It's not my favorite drink but I'm damn tired spending every holiday being a damn bartender and not having any fun.

The women got tipsy, I just was relaxed and had a good time. My alcohol tolerance is pretty high so unless I work really hard at it, tying one on really takes a lot of work.

By midnight everyone was tired and ready for bed. My nephew doesn't drink, so he drove everyone home.

I was in bed by one. It was a pretty good night overall.

Found this pic while I was cleaning out a drawer. It's from about 1972... I'm the one WITHOUT the freaky shirt.