Hammers take.

GuyK got me thinking about the Ten Commandments and how they have shaped human history. I pretty much believe they are good words to live by. I then remembered I hadn't read them in a while. I'll do a literal 21's century translation while I'm at it.

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Good call. Who has time for more than one god anyway? Sunday would be like fathers day at the dog pound.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

Take down those Ozzy Osbourne posters, throw out that bong and skull candle holder or God will come down and do it for you.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will
not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

That means every time you say "Damn" or "Jesus Christ' when you stub your toe or slam your finger in a door, coach mephistopheles will make you run an extra lap in hell.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labor, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle,nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

Don't do shit on Sunday. Give the maid and butler the day off, don't hire anyone or make fido fetch. Be sure to buy your beer and toilet paper on Saturday.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

As long as you're living under their roof keep your trap shut. Once you are living on your own, paying your own bills and have children , then you'll see what it's like, you ungrateful little bastard.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

Unless some crackhead is trying to bust down your door at 3am.. then it's ok to fill em full of lead. Otherwise, keep it in the holster Tex.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Some say eatin ain't cheatin, but it's probably a good idea to keep it in your pants just to be on the safe side.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

Or thou shalt be filled with lead, and if you survive, bubba will make you his wife, then God will get what's left of your sorry thievin ass.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

That means, do not tell the cops you bought crack at your grandma's house just because she threw your sorry ass out in the street for being a worthless hoodlum.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s.

Go get your own wife, maid, butler and oxen, a tub of Crisco and have a good ole time.