Fear and loathing in Las Vegas

My wife and I have been to Las Vegas countless times over the years. We always have a great time. We do stuff together, walk around, gamble a little, eat, drink see a show... no worries no stress.

My wife got a free trip to Vegas with her sister. Before she could ask me if it was ok to go without me, I told her not to worry and have a good time. My brother in law, (I will call shithead) was an abusive pain in the ass and he gave my wife's sister a whole load of shit about her going without him.

Four days of his wife being in Vegas sent him off the deep end. He was calling, screaming leaving messages on everyone's phone and basically going full on flaming apeshit. This was nothing new to me. I knew he was an unbalanced possessive asshole.

Did I mention shithead was on my bowling team? I was taking one for the team by letting him join. It gave my sister in law a break from his abuse once a week. Shithead was always too much of a pussy to give me problems. He was also jealous of me, probably due to my lack of mental illness and of me not having a substance abuse problem.

Did I mention my bowling team was a Las Vegas league? That meant at the end of the finals everyone got four days and three nights in Vegas paid for through the weekly bowling fees.

Once the time came, it was my two best friends Gary and Mike (I'll call the asshole twins) along with me and shithead. On our way to Vegas, everyone was talking about going to the ranch to have sex with prostitutes.... I told them to send me a postcard. Hookers ain't my bag baby....

You will never realize what whiny bitches are until you take three fat ass, cheap, miserly, passive aggressive fucktards to Las Vegas. They were like 3 babies that were just pulled off their mothers tit.

I was determined to have a good time. All these guys wanted to do was stay in the room and watch TV. After much cajoling, I finally got them out on the strip.. "this is too much walking" "I'm chafing" "My balls are sweaty" on an and on they bitched. I finally turned around and told them "If I wanted to hear bitching and moaning I would have brought your wives and girlfriends instead of you assholes"

This shamed them into shutting up for a little while. I decided right then and there that we needed mass quantities of alcohol, mostly to numb my brain to all the negative energy.

We went into O'Sheas and sat down at a 2 dollar blackjack table and proceeded to empty their keg of "free" Guinness. Winning at cards and free booze put shithead and the asshole twins in a better mood. We took a cab to the Hard Rock to check out the casino. Shithead and the asshole twins were losing money and getting angry. I won $500 on a slot machine and everyone started throwing a fit. My god! These guys had a mental age of 5. I never realized before how bad they were.

I was determined for these guys to loosen up and have fun. We back to the hotel, changed and headed to the House of Blues. We began drinking kamikaze's finally we were having a good time laughing and making poop and fart jokes. The asshole twins were flirting with the bartenders when shithead brother in law tells me that his wife is calling his phone every 5 minutes screaming and crying and going hysterical about her not giving him permission to go to Vegas. I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity. Shithead and my sister in law were truly soul mates.

My friend Gary overheard this and said , "damn! why is she being such a bitch" Uh Oh. that was the wrong thing for one drunk asshole to say to another. I jumped in between them and told my friend to apologize for calling his wife a bitch...well I guess most of you know how stubborn and stupid drunks can be. They didn't fight but instead pouted for the rest of the trip.

By this time I had enough. I went off by myself, gambled, took in the sights won another thousand dollars and enjoyed myself. Shithead and the asshole twins just sat in the hotel room for the rest of the trip...even though they had loads of money and had never been in Vegas before. Hell, I would have been happy if they had at least gone to see the hookers like they had promised.

It just goes to show...You can lead a Donkey to Sin City but you can't make him stop being a jackass.