Only in Vegas

On my recent trip to Vegas I was reminded of some of the weird things people do there. Maybe they do these things at home too. I'm not sure.

Every morning the casino bathrooms are filled with men blasting the water out of the toilets. Even in these huge well ventilated and marble walled restrooms there is always some guy who can pollute all 2000 square feet with fetid stench so bad that it makes the whole place unbearable. This is every damn bathroom on the strip. I'm trying to pee with my shirt pulled up over my face while breathing through my mouth and all I can taste is the thick nasty polluted butt air.

Ever see a guy take his drink into a bathroom stall, set it on the floor next to the toilet and take a stand up piss? I could actually see his drink splashing. But hell I guess for 7 to 10 bucks each, beers need to be watched carefully.

The beggars that hang out on the walkways between the casinos. "Hungry please help". I saw one filthy son of a bitch take a pile of wadded up bills out of his pocket, convert them to poker chips at the cashier and head straight for the roulette tables. Now THAT is a gambling problem.

Drunk kids leaving the hotel's dress up, hip fru fru bar at 4:00 AM. Glassy eyed stumbling, chicks with their tits spilling out and makeup smeared everywhere. Some crawling through their own puke trying to make it toward the elevators, high heels kicked off and abandoned. The ones that didn't hook up at the bar are desperately trying to grab onto any man with a pulse to take back to the room.

The cocktail waitresses look rode hard and put up wet. They are made to wear this outfit that pushes their boobs up in some impossible cleavage inducing package no matter how ridiculous it looks. They act like they've seen it all and will not take shit off anyone. I make sure to tip them so they don't spit in my drink.

90% of the table dealers are Asian. It's really not a problem except when they go off on you in their native tongue because you played your cards wrong. "No no you idiot not two kings dere pai gow pai gow you let me play your hand next time you moron!"

Those little tiny soaps in the hotel room. Christ almighty. I'm a pretty big guy and I'll be trying to wash my butt or something and the damn thing will disappear on me. I'm like "where the fuck did my soap go?' So I'll just finish up not really thinking about it. Next thing you know I'm walking down Las Vegas Boulevard and I feel a strange lump on my ass cheek. Holy shit! is that a tumor, a parasite? Oh fuck. No..it's just a minature hotel soap that got tangled in my butt hair.