Too much information..or things I don't want to hear.
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Sometimes people with diarrhea of the mouth and no mental boundaries need to have some kind of electronic speech filter device installed over their face.
Ever run into someone who just spews things out of their mouth that no one would want to hear?
No.. I don't want to hear about your sex life. I don't want to hear about the sounds, smells or any play by play. If this is an attempt to warm me up to some weird swapping idea..forget about it you sick fuck.
I don't want to hear about your latest gynecological exam and the green discharge dripping down your leg. I'm flattered that you see me as approachable and a good listener, however if you want know about what to do about the cottage cheese between your thighs or the rash on your anal cleft, I suggest you go to the free clinic. Thanks for ruining my lunch.
Man, please spare me from stories about your sexual exploits. Ok you screw a lot. I've seen what you take behind the bar dumpster at 2:00am...believe me..that's more of a foul than a score.
Mom: you know I'm always concerned about your health issues, but you can stop at "distended". I get the picture.
Guy waiting next to me at the Pharmacy. I know exactly what diverticulitis is. You don't have to go into graphic detail about having pork in your colon that's older than I am.
Lady with 4 kids at the park: I don't mind having a pleasant conversation about the weather and your kids. But C sections, episiotomies, and the vaginal exercises you do to keep your husband happy are definitely off the topic list.
Note: None of this applies to you bloggers. We always have the option of hitting the back button and without the stuff I mentioned we would have nothing to talk about.
posted by Bill Rowland @ November 11, 2007
27 Comments
27 Comments:
I know what you mean. It never fails to amaze me when people talk about things that would make ME turn eight shades of read if I were sharing the same info. I'm glad you added the disclaimer for bloggers, although I'm still pretty sure I'll avoid writing in detail about certain things!
Hammer, you need to hang with Catfish...because I used to be exactly the same way, about the TMI...and then I became one of his faithful minions.
Now, at least a dozen or so Blown Eyes are bugging the shit out of him for him to have his own radio show. You WOULD NOT BELIEVE the weird non-self-edited crap about pussy and Record-Breaking Big O's that comes diarrheaing out of his mouth.
No worries though, as yeast infections and other gross feminine issues are generally left on the cutting room floor.
:-)
Please thnank your Father for his service, Hammer, from one who never forgets his, and all our Veterans, sacrifices. Although it may not seem like it some days, our world really is a better place because of such men and women.
P.S. Some days just breathing is enough to make a stranger, let alone someone we know, open up as though they were in a confessional!
At work - people tell us the most amazing things.
And those same things - well some of them - make some good blogging.
Funny how a step away from face to face can change how something is viewed.
DAMN IT!!
Who am I going to tell about my proctologist exam now?
oh my gosh you have more than your fair share of weirdo's trying the "share" with you.
You need to come up with something really gross to bombard them with. hehehehe
I'm with you, Hammer.
Fine. Let me tell you about my last visit to the ob-gyn...
one question i almost always avoid asking:
"sooooooo, howya doin'?"
i don't really want to hear every stinkin' ache and pain - honestly.
my solution to this is:
"YOU'RE LOOKING GREAT! YOU MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT - I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW GOOOOOOOOOD YOU LOOK! okay, now, let's talk about me..."
i hear you, hammer.
Yikes and ewwww.
That's amazing. I don't know anybody else that gets to hear all this personal stuff. You must have magnetism! What would you do if you were stuck on a plane with someone like that?
Oddly, everything you described seems to be regular conversation at my office. Weird.
SICK! I know what you mean and can't even handle certain words being said in my presence (like phlegm) People are so gross sometimes. As for the sex stuff....what's the saying, those who are doing it don't have a need to talk about it. I think half those stories are made up and even if they aren't they are stupid and make the person sharing them look pathetic.
I personally don't kiss or ____ and tell and wish no one else would either.
I HAVE A FRIEN WHO SPECIFICALLY CALLS ME UP TO INFORM ME OF THE PROCESS CONCERNING HER RECENT BOWEL MOVEMENTS, INCLUDING, (BUT NOT EXCLUSIVELY SO):
FORM
QUANTITY
ODOR
COLOR
EASE OF DISMISSAL
AND
THAT PARTICULAR MOVEMENT'S RANKING ON AN ORDINAL SCALE
IT ALL IS SO VERY FASCINATING TO HER.
Oh gawd this had me in stitches. I guess I have one of those friendly faces that people feel they can tell anything too. I have heard far too many far too personal things from complete strangers. But you are so right, it is different in text form from what it is like to hear it in person, face to face.
Great post.
I kinda agree, except with the old people, sometimes they just need to talk to someone...
Peace
Ooo not just me then! Do you think they'd forgive us for sticking fingers in our ears and singing at the top of our voices? Probably not very socially acceptable but very tempting!
Cheers
You're a freak magnet. I have never had this kind of stuff happen to me. Thankfully.
Hammer,
You may want to take this post back. If you found out how much I charge just to listen to these stories you would be envious!
Flyinfox_SATX
I have an aunt in Ohio who does this kind of thing. I know all about her sex life for the first two years she was married. Talk about gross!! And she tells you all about her bodily functions.
I was out drinking with two of my 13,467 cousins and I asked them if everyone in Ohio was this open about their bodily functions or if it was just our Aunt. The cousins looked at eachother and laughed and said, "Nope, it's just her."
Crazy.
I think those very same people live in my town!!!
Ok, sometimes I do really enjoy hearing about a guys exploits, if I like the guy and the stuff is interesting. I've know a few guys who had some hilarious and cool shit to relate, but there is a fine line between telling another guy about something cool that you did and bragging to make yourself sound cool. I really don't care to hear about a strangers bragging.
I'm with you on that other stuff. I'll sit and listen sympathetically for hours to a friend, someone I care about, telling me about their problems, but the lady in line at the pharmacy needs to keep her private issues to herself.
I have a student now who has all sorts of health issues and feels she needs to leave me these long messages on my answering machine telling me about her latest biopsy. Just eeew!
I half think it's a case of under the radar bullying. Especially Infinitesimal's friend calling her about her b.m.'s. They can't twist your arm until you say uncle, but they can give you hell with their word pictures.
I watch those old 1940's movies and the way people spoke in public back in the day, even the Joe Sixpacks, and the low level of self discipline today is astounding.
p.s.: the cell phone has worsened the fact that everyone wants to be their own Howard Stern by 1000%.
Holy crap! I mean, at first, reading your post, I wondered if you were going to be talking about people like me, because I can be a spaz and a bit of a blurter, but no, on the other hand, I'll say outrageous things, but not repulsive things. I mean, I have my standards. THey are low, but I have them.
ew. Just, totally ew.
Ha ha, good post. I agree. I like some of the new stuff u have over here (new to me, I´ve been around far too little).
Ode to a shit- AN OLDIE BUT GOODIE-
I CHRISTEN THE - THE FECAL WIND. I BROKE A MINI- BOTTLE OVER THE PERFECT DUMP I TOOK IN COLLEGE! IT WAS FLUSHED WITH DIGNITY AND PROPER PROTOCOL. UNFORTUNATELY IT WAS - PRIOR TO DIGITAL, SO NO PICS WERE TAKEN. BUT TRUST ME- IT WAS A PICASSSSO.
On every bathroom wall stall from Amarillo to Maine.....
Here I sit brokenhearted
Tried to shit but only farted
and the lesser known 2nd vs.
Please don't be so broken hearted..
One day you'll shit, when you think you just farted!
Also- Medical Truth- Write this down: THE OLDER YOU GET- THE LESS YOU CAN TRUST A FART!!
John
When such occasions arise I alwys say "ignorance is bliss!" Sadly, I'm nearly always ignored... Grrross! I totally agree with you. ~ But thatnks for the smiles, you have a great blog!
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