Suggestions..questions... and remarks
If you have loud conversations, yell admonitions and warnings to the actors on a movie screen, buy a DVD player. Those images on the screen cannot hear you but everyone else can. So shut the fuck up!
If you have curly black hair on your belly and back please do not wear a half shirt or sports bra to the shopping mall. I am really glad you are comfortable with your body. Maybe some day I will be just as enlightened.
To the moms out there who proudly dress their daughters as a street hookers. Go step in front of a bus.
To bloggers that leave a vague comment with a link to their Viagra blog. Get bent!
To all you female teachers out there wanting to hump 13 year old boys..uh where were you in 1983 when I was taking about 18 cold showers a day?
Hey guy who is doing construction and trying to flip the house across the street from me. I know you are on disability and Workman's comp with full pay. I just called your boss you fucking worthless thief.
.
To the little old lady at the grocery store. I know I'm a big, long haired scraggly looking mother fucker. I didn't mean to scare you, but it looked like you needed help lifting that heavy sack of canned goods. Thanks for not freaking out.
Hello lesbian cashier girl in the liquor store. I spotted you a mile a way and I have no problem with your sexual preference. Quit trying to make your girlfriend jealous by flirting with me. Just a hint...The wallet with a chain and crew cut gave it away.
Mrs teacher lady who thinks they are too smart and too good to follow the mandated educational plan for my child. I've been through this before. You will lose. Why do keep trying to screw with me and my kids?
posted by Bill Rowland @ November 06, 2007
39 Comments
39 Comments:
you were thirteen in 1983...sheesh...maybe I was the little old lady with the heavy groceries...
I like this memos to assholes series...saying all the things you'd like to scream out loud! The workman's comp guy is gonna love you! I hope he goes to jail.
"Mrs teacher lady who thinks they are too smart and too good to follow the mandated educational plan for my child. I've been through this before. You will lose. Why do keep trying to screw with me and my kids?"
I'm with you Hammer.
LOL, I second the part about the oversexed teachers.
I can't understand why parent's think it's OK to dress their daughters up in boots and mini skirts????? And WHY aren't we boycotting the manufacturers/designers - it looks awful and makes me sad =(
I think you needed to let a female teacher KNOW how you were feeling and they probably would've come out of the woodwork!!
Good ones! and I agree with them all!
Peace
HA...Good stuff Hammer. Now if you'd be so kind, stop by my blog and read how Viagra has changed my life and may be able to change yours. Cheers!!
Nice...you tell 'em!
I rarely go to the movies for precisely that reason...;)
you gooooooooooo...lol. OMG this is so funny I almost choked laughing . Thanks for the giggles...wayyyyyyyy too funny.
It would be nice if these people would get these suggestions!
"big, long haired scraggly looking mother fucker"
Awww..those are my favorites! And how sweet of you to help her.
Great list! I'm still laughing!
Lets not forget the ever popular and more recent -
Hey Mr. Congressman, the term is Illegal Alien...don't try to soften it up by changing it to "Undocumented Worker" - They are still here Illegally!
Flyinfox_SATX
Man, do you ever get it dead on!
LMAO!
AMEN! to all of them ;o)
Heh heh. Perfect. Once again.
LOVE the randomness!
My fav is about the little old lady. I hope when I'm old and weak, someone like you will help me at the grocery.
So that means if you were only 13 in 1983 I was only going into kindergarten.... LOL... HEHE.... Anyway its nice of you to help the little old lady with that heavy sack. Teachers doing 13 year old children is sick hammer.
Oh hammer, looks like you are having the day I had yesterday. Lets hope your tomorrow isn't like my today though. Not good. lol
katherine: lol!
jp: His boss just called and asked me to take pictures :)
epijunky: what is up with them?
brandon: Looking back there weren't but a few I would have considered :D
KB: hehe I was a shy lad. And I agree with you on those clothing manufacturers.
odat: thanks :)
matt-man: I wonder if they could just add it to beer?
jenafear: It worst in kids movies the adults are louder then the children.
canadian: can you believe most of this stuff is from the last 5 days? I have no choice but to make fun of it :)
Janet: Well my kids teacher and the workmans comp guy sure will :)
Real life lesbian: Thanks for visiting! I'll stop by and check out your blog.
flyinfox: yep those flowery words make everything sound better don't they?
mushy: It's a conspiracy :)
litlsassy20: thanks :)
jerry: Stuff just happens that makes enough material to do at least one a week :)
random: I hope we all do :)
tweety: Why you're just a youngster ;) Yeah you're right about the teachers. I'm just remembering a few daydreams from back then :)
burfica: it was a whole week of that but it's good to vent.
So 13 in 1983, that means you're 37, or is it 38 next week? I had to write down and do the + and the - to calculate your ripe old age. Now tell us how long your hair is.
kitem: You got it right :) My hair goes down to about the middle of my back. I keep it pulled back all the time. I avoid barbers like I do doctors and dentists :)
:) - ok, they are wellabit funny.....
x
I too was 13 in '83!
I only had a crush on my ninth grade English teacher. All I remember is reading Romeo and Juliet in class and he read Romeo and asked me to read the part of Juliet. I was dying!
Good on you for turning in the disability shyster! My SIL is one and it really pisses me off!
Schools and IEPs are nothing but one big battle. :(
At least you can laugh about it all after... :)
That was good.
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Great stuff as always, Hammer. Just what the doctor ordered, and I'm too afraid of saying in public.
Thanks for the laughs. My favorite saying these days "Hang up and DRIVE!"
Alrighty, then!
Backing slowly out of the blog...
:)
Havin' a bad day Hammer? ;)
You help lil old ladies with their shopping, there are some true gents still out there! Good rant
Hammie, come over to my blog and join the birthday party!!!
"the wallet with a chain and crew cut gave you away". Oh man. Steam has this neighbor, she is a lesbian but pretends to everyone she isn't. She it extremely butch, has a girlfriend who is there all the time and looks like her, they hold hands when they go walking...she has a husband and kids and this friend never comes over when they are there. Denial?
Forgot to mention above - the pic of the brain with the hammer in it was gross :)
Man, I love your blog. I should have known you had long hair. People with great minds and big hearts usually have long hair.
1983 - I was 23, but I was dating a 15 year old who lied and said he was 18, does that count for anything?
I think you might be in need of some anger management training.
~Oswegan
So you're not going to come and visit my Viagra blog then? Crap.
LMAO@ MattM!
Hey Ham... RE: Mrs Teacher... Sic her baby!
Haha. So funny. When my boys were in junior high I noticed ALL the boys wore their shirts untucked. Took me a bit longer to figure out why. Hey, I was raised to be a good Catholic girl. Who knew all those wankers I went to junior high with had erections? SNICKER!
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