Letters

I got this idea from "M"

I wish we could send messages or little notes to the people we encounter throughout the day just to let them in on the impression they left during our brief interaction.

Dear: man driving behind me today. You were yelling, honking and gesticulating wildly as I obeyed the traffic laws in the school zone and were practically frothing at the mouth when I heeded the" no right on red between 2pm and 4pm" sign. I hope your head spontaneously explodes from your rage disorder. Have a nice day. P.S. Gore lost 7 years ago. You can scrape off the 18 bumper stickers now.

Dear: Lab lady at the doctors office. I'm glad you care so much about my health that you decided to rile me up with admonitions and accusations about my health management just before you took my blood pressure reading. I'm sure it helped tremendously.

Dear Doctor: I don't want to go on a litany of life altering medications just because my cholesterol, BP are on the high normal range. don't you think maybe sending me to a nutritionist or offering some lifestyle suggestions would be a better option before chucking a hogshead full of pills at me? Oh sorry, I forgot you are the guy who went to school for eight years to learn how to write an illegible prescription.

Dear: Neighbor lady: I'm so pleased that you invited my daughter to your son's birthday party on Saturday. I'm sure you are blissfully unaware that your little angel spent all of last year punching, throwing rocks at and humiliating my child. I hope you understand when I respectfully decline your invitation and hope your stinking brat is allergic to cake.

Dear Neighbor guy: Hi! Nice to meet you. I have only lived 2 houses down for almost nine years. I hold no hard feelings for when you called the neighborhood association on me twice without speaking to me to my face about the weeds in the drainage ditch or the size of boards I used when I built my new fence. When you finally decided to speak to me in the grocery store please forgive me if I really wasn't paying attention.

Dear Target employee partner boy man dude: When I asked if your store carried door knobs and you replied "I dunno" and went back to scratching at the lice that infest that greasy disgusting mop of hair on your head, just remember: you are probably going to be here the rest of your life.