Wondering again
Do birds fart? I think it would be a definite advantage for them to have some extra thrust.
I find it pointless to fill my bird feeder. They just eat the dog food and shit all over the kid's slide and swing set.
Why do people I barely know feel the need to talk to me when I see them in public? My demeanor does not welcome unwanted advances or conversation or at least that is my goal.
Why in the fuck do the ladies at the grocery store end the transaction with "that will be $94.63 pretty please". I've already swiped my debit card and the machine says what I owe. I thought the ridiculous "pretty please" crap was just one crazy lady but now they have three doing it.
I avoid those lanes when I can...hmm maybe that's their plan.
When two people driving opposite directions on my street see each other, decide to stop, roll down their windows and have a 15 min conversation do they not give a damn that I'm waiting behind them or trying to pull out of my driveway? I really don't want to be an obnoxious asshole to my neighbors but they leave me no choice.
How does a hitchhiker that looks like Charles Manson but dirtier and crazier expect to get a ride? The only person who would pick them up would have to be crazier and scarier.
Al Gore wins the peace prize, Dumbledor is gay, California is on fire, Turkey is invading Iraq, Russia is claiming the north pole for themselves... Why don't we have a news channel with 24 hour happy news?
What the hell is up with these medicine advertisements on TV. "Ask your doctor about Dweebozan if you have restless legs...Some people have reported possible side affects of explosive bloody diarrhea, memory loss, heart damage, sex and gambling addictions or death." No.. I am not kidding. I'll deal with my twitching leg thank you.
posted by Bill Rowland @ October 23, 2007
38 Comments
38 Comments:
Easy big fellow, don't let it get you down...life is full of this shit!
The only way to get away from it all is move to the deep woods of Canada, marry a moose, and if she pisses you off, kill her ass and eat her!
OH wow.. I hope you arent in the demeanor of the fires please. That sucks about the ladies at the grocery store. Most of them here dont really say much. Life is good though. Like mushy said dont let it get to you. Its just a phase and it will end soon. Take care.
From Luara's Birding Blog (http://lauraerickson.blogspot.com/):
"But the short answer is an almost definite no, birds do not fart. Farts are, by definition, noticeable eruptions of significant volumes of intestinal gas. Avian intestines are short and evacuate wastes frequently. Any gases produced in digestion leak out as fast as they're produced, so there isn't the opportunity for build-up that leads to those explosive releases we cheerfully or disgustedly call farts."
Today I had to explain to a woman that not having hot water was her responsibility in getting her water heater fixed, and that the water company has nothing to do with it.
The whole time I was thinking, "I bet Hammer would enjoy hearing this conversation."
The "pretty please" from the cashiers made me chuckle. I was a cashier in my high school days and had created several great tactics for avoiding customers. One of my favorites was cupping the underside of my customer's hand while dropping their change with my other hand. It was so ackward and I was therefore avoided. If I were you, I'd develop some comebacks.
What is the meaning of "pretty please"? it sounds ridiculous to me.
Turkey is invading Irak??? you're sure? or it's a bad joke? I fully agree with a 24 hour happy news.
Hammer, I thought you had ALL the answers.
Mushy: sometimes I just have to stand back in amused bewilderment :)
Tweety: I don't mind friendly cashiers but the weird ones are really weird.
Jami: thank you! ]
alan: you mean they don't pipe in hot water? ;)
random: oh so there is a method to their madness..hehe
Kitem: From what I've read it seems they are fighting the kurds in the north. You are correct: The pretty please thing is ridiculous nonsense talk.
Lexcen: I may have the answers but I'm afraid to accept them ;)
I'm with you. But Cali is always on fire at least once a year.
To understand my Mike Rowe comment you need to read my post from two days ago. I agree that parenting IS a dirty job!
You made me laugh loudly with your comment.
Life is full of irritations. I want to install giant springs on the front of my car so I can ram drivers that annoy me.
Grown women are saying pretty please? Take one of your guns to the market next time and dare them to ask for it pretty please.
We're here to prop you up when the going gets tough. Mushy and I will hold you steady ...
By the way, your mother-in-law's lawyer just called me on the basis of your comment on my recent post!!!
Would you like the scientific answers to your questions or just a pithy quip? I'm guessing pithy quip. I didn't know Russia is claiming the North Pole and I don't think people want happy news.
no one says "pretty please" to me at the market.
Blogging is the closest thing I can find to 24 hour Happy News....laughing....
Dumbledor is gay?!? When the fuck did that happen? Damn. Yea, chill man. Yer gonna go postal at this rate. Life is a shit stream. Ya gotta just try to avoid the undigested chunks and keep yer head from goin' under. Or, learn to love the smell of shit.
Janice: maybe a tidal wave could put it all out...
Jeannie: lol I can't wait for them to say pretty please to Tommy Lee Jones the next time he is at that store.
david: Damn that woman! ;)
paul: Yeah the russians are dropping flags all over the place now that the caps are melting, they want a piece of the oil.
katherine: no wonder I like blogging so much
FHB: Rowling announced it at carnegie yesterday. Scary stuff. I need a beer.
Oh, yeah, I wonder about that stuff all the time, too. Haven't encountered that "pretty please" but maybe I didn't hear it. Cashiers who try to drive away customers aren't doing themselves any favors.
very good thoughts to ponder. I ponder alot of those myself.
We have the people that stop in the road to chat, and when you want by, they try to wave you buy on the sidewalk where kids are walking. Then as they drive away they flip you off.
You seriously should be doing stand up! Thanks for the laughs today; I needed them!
Loved the Charles Manson hitchhiker the best, and that last one is so true. Why would you take something that will give you more problems than the one you already have? Go figure!
Hammer, this was one great post! It drives me nuts when drivers do that 'let's chat on the road' thing too. It's similar to that 'what, the light's green already?' bit at stop lights (one car gets thru)
I loved being a cashier and would have choked myself before saying pretty please!
Happy news? great idea...
Could be worse, they could say "with a cherry on top"...
"Why in the fuck do the ladies at the grocery store end the transaction with "that will be $94.63 pretty please". I've already swiped my debit card and the machine says what I owe. I thought the ridiculous "pretty please" crap was just one crazy lady but now they have three doing it."
That's why I love the self-checkout lines, you don't have to deal with people's bullshit.
Interesting...makes sense though. I think Russia wants to regain its superpower status. Oil is definately power in today's market.
Regarding the side effect warnings on TV pill ads, the one for Viagra always has me laughing: "may result in a sudden drop in blood pressure." Isn't that what always happens when the blood rushes to the little head and pumps it up, Viagra or no Viagra? All the blood in the little head leaves none in the big head for proper thinking, so there's no ugly women after 2 a.m., etc.
With all that going on, how's your blood pressure doin'?
I think we've pinpointed your blood pressure problems Hammer! I too am suffering through a bought of intolerance of everything lately. Things that normally might make me laugh are infuriating me to no end. People especially. I can't believe so many suffer from the levels of stupidity they seem to display. What the hell is going on? Why is everyone suddenly an asshole?
I love your observations...no sugar coating, just honest to goodness frustration. We need to settle back and hope things calm on their own. This can't be healthy!
LOL....I agree that they should have a "happy news" program...
Maybe if we ask nicely: Pretty please, put on some happy news?
There you go. ;-)
Peace
I love it when you wonder....
i do know that chickens fart. and they're nasty.
the commercials for "erectile dysfunction" are the ones who get to our entire family - the other night after the debate, there was a "levitra" one on - our daughter said, "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww - why do they put these on?" my husband went into his "zgirl, what's wrong with people who have reptile dysfunction - imagine the poor guy's snake!" she responded in all her 15 year old grace, "pop, i'm smarter than the average bear..."
the clerk who says to me, "here's your change, young lady!" I'M FIFTY-FREAKIN'-ONE YEARS OLD!
I have a cat that farts but I'm not sure about birds.
Ah Hammer, you crack me up. I definitely think the checkout girls are plotting... :)
RE: Medical ads...
I wonder why the hell don't they post MY phone number if your erection lasts more than 4 hours!!!
Do you think now that Dumbledor has been outted that his costumes in the movies will get more flamboyant??
As for the mid-lane chats... I wonder why people pass me as I am delivering their mail and park right in front of their mailbox then wonder why I pass them by?? I have 800 houses to deliver to and they think I should get out daily just for theirs... sorry mini rant!
Janet: Either they are driving away customers or trying to make some ridiculous point.
burfica: yeah they waved me onto the sidewalk a few times. God I hate that.
scarlet: I think they make all those side affects on purpose so they can sell extra medicines and so on.
Bridget: I can be normally heard screaming "move it cockface" when they do that at lights.
anndi: Grrr I bet they will ;)
Brandon: they have them here but they work poorly and only allow 15 items or less. It may be worth the extra trips...
Paul: I think that's what's on putins mind.
MTS: You're right thats the side effect of every boner isn't it?
Jerry: Feeling better but as you can tell I've got to work on being high strung.
JP: you got that right. If I want to remain calm I need to stay away from sources of stress.
Odat: I bet there is plenty of interesting happy news out there.
H2O: Thanks I try to release frustrations that way :)
nanc: reptile dysfunction? I would have been rolling on the floor!
The ones that call me Chief...GRRR
snowmanpoop: maybe if it ate a farting bird...
annie: ok that cinches it I'm coming up with a response when they do it.
cheesy: hahah! 4 hour erections I wondered how they deflate those.
Hammer, why are letting so many people jerk your chain? Whatever the reason, it makes for a great blog. And the comments are great. Keep up the good work.
Hahahahaha!! Birds farting!! That's great and put a really cool picture of birds zooming along.....
P'raps they should say "94.63. Now fuck off"???
Idiot drivers annoy me too! Although I have been known to stop and talk to a person in a car coming towards me, in a quiet street and not realise there's someone behind. Sorry, I'm one of them......!!!
Bring on the 24hr happy news channel!!! I'll actually WATCH the news then!!
Restless legs can sometimes be a symptom of a lack of iron......
Dumbledor is gay? Now I kinda got that feeling about Harry Potter..look that good looking little Harmani or whatever the hell her name is gal is all over him and he acts like she has the clap or sumthin..so maybe him and Dumbledor do have sumthin in common, huh?
"they decide to stop, roll down their windows and have a 15 min conversation do they not give a damn that I'm waiting behind them"
when this happens to me, I blast the horn repeatedly til they get the hint...lol
but that's just me..lol
that's how I am about the medication...there is some decongestant thing, I cant pronounce it, it is like speed. I refuse to use it...I'd rather be congested.
I hate birds. I really do. Hate 'em.
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