Life as a computer tech.

I once had a job that taught me how to build and repair computers. Once it was discovered that I had this skill, friends and family were calling me non stop to come over and fix their shit.

I was rarely paid for using up my nights and weekends fixing the crap they screwed up with their Kmart pornware and bootlegged copies of word perfect from 1985.

Soon, word spread and I was actually offered money to go out and fix stuff. Everyone was charging $70 an hour to make house calls. Places like dial-a-nerd and geek squad were so gawd awful that they often broke things worse than they were before.

I decided to charge $35 to show up and $35 an hour. Pretty soon I had more business than I could handle.

Life was good.

There were some things that annoyed me though, people would call me and ask me questions and try to get their stuff fixed over the phone for free. Cheap bastards! I would always say "I'm not sure I'll to come have to look at it" Some assmasters would keep pestering me for free advice. I hated having to get pissy with people but they left me no choice.

Some people thought I charged too much and would try to negotiate my prices after I completed a job. Sorry jackoff, I told you what the price was before I came out, and no I don't want to date your skanky daughter.

Other times, some rich old person or housewife would be lonely and $35 an hour was a cheap way to get someone to come over and talk to them. Some of these folks were pretty nice but I felt weird about being a paid surrogate friend.

The dirty old men were kind of creepy. They assumed that since I was male I could direct them to all the juicy animal porn. They would show me naked pictures of their wife...gross. I always knew there was going to be trouble when the computer desk had a jar of lotion and a roll of paper towels on it...

Businesses were a different story. They didn't want to spend any money, but they wanted me to get some dilapidated 20 year old computer inventory system fixed. Sometimes I had to barter with them. I got my house remodeled that way.

The armchair hacker guys were always annoying, Sorry dude, I don't want to hear about how you took over NORAD with your Super Nintendo...

If hear "huh huh huh I'm computer illiterate" again I will break a fucking 19 inch monitor over your head.

People were always trying to pawn old computer shit off on me. I had butt loads of shit from the 1980's. It was interesting to look at but utterly worthless. What the hell am I going to do with a box of 5 meg hard drives an Apple IIC and a box of floppies filled with Swedish gay porn?

Sometimes people had a hard time admitting when they had done something really really stupid. Someone once thought the large floppy drive was a CD-ROM and forcefully shoved a CD in there. I had to tread lightly and not bust out laughing.
Another person had a PC filled with coffee because they were using the CD tray as a cup holder.

The one thing I didn't like dealing with was the "lets try to seduce the computer guy game."

This one lady was the wife of the CEO of the corporation I just left. She said she had to take a shower, left the bedroom door open and undressed in front of a mirror that reflected to where I was working. She was an attractive lady, but I don't play games like that. I just acted stupid and pretended like I didn't notice. If I wanted to screw lonely housewives all day I would have become a pool boy.

I'm glad I have a marketable skill, but at the same time, I'm glad to be out of that racket.