Owning up
I'm sure it's been this way since the beginning of time. People do not like to admit when they screw up. Maybe it's some kind of survival mechanism.
It has come to the point where no one will own up to their mistakes. There is always an excuse, someone else's fault, I'm just a product of my upbringing etc...
Scientists have discovered that when people fail, lose or get caught, There is a massive decrease in the brain chemical dopamine A significant drop in this chemical makes you feel like hammered dog shit.
If a person feels like excrement after doing something bad, stupid or irresponsible, then hopefully they won't take that course of action again.
Someone once said, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity.
For example:
Drunk drivers who use up the courts good graces and finally go to jail on their 18th offense.
Women who continually pick scum bags over and over to date and marry that beat them, do drugs, abuse the children and drink away all the money.
People who sit at home, do nothing, aspire to nothing and do the barest minimum to get by, then cry and whine to anyone who will listen about how their life sucks.
Why do these people continue to do stupid shit?
It could be they have never been forced to fully and completely take the mental fall and accept the fact that they are a total fuckup and need to change the way they do things.
Some folks cannot make a direct correlation between their actions and the repercussions of those actions.
It starts in childhood when parents tolerate poor grades, poor manners, poor behavior and poor hygiene without kicking the kids butt and telling them they are being a screw up and need to do better.
Parents that don't take away privileges, use consistent discipline take steps in building a conscience and a sense of responsibility risk raising a social and emotional cripple.
Instead of having decent responsible parents who care about what values they teach, many children these are being raised by lazy shitheads that are doing things that are just as stupid and irresponsible as their children.
The kids grow up emulating the examples they have been shown.
This cycle can be broken if one really wants change in their life. It takes will power, dedication and sacrifice to break out of a shitty mindset and bad habits.
The next time you hear your someone say to you, "I got fired from my job but it's not my fault", or "I can't become successful because someone is blocking me","I'm broke, jobless and I'm losing my house but it's not my fault" Plant your foot up their ass and tell them to shut the fuck up.
It's about time people start taking personal responsibility for the things that are wrong with their lives and take steps to fix them. I've noticed that even the most half-assed investment into ones personal life can do wonders.
Labels: Society
posted by Bill Rowland @ March 31, 2007
30 Comments
30 Comments:
When ever I've screwed up, and we all do, I've just owned up to it and moved on.
It did take me a long time to learn one thing though, when it comes to relationships.
Life is about lessons, one after an other, until you learn them, or not. Some lessons I just kept getting over and over again until I finely figured it out.
Stay away from close relationships with needy women and I'm okay. All I have is all I need and if it isn't good enough for her, well, she can just leave me alone.
Living alone is better than letting them drive me nuts.
You know as I was reading this just now I swore you were talking about my mother. My mother has been in jail three times for stealing. If you go under my archives you can more than likely find the post I did about her. I cant remember what I called it. I think it was called A little bit about my life. I can always look and let you know for sure. My mother was spoiled and everything you put here fits her to T. Its amazing really. You are so right about all of this. People in general are self absorbed with themselves so its I didnt do it. Then who did.
Bravo!... well said.
Good Saturday morning Hammer. How are you ?
Didn't you post this once before ? I thought it sounded familar...
Taking responsibility for your actions and being honest about it are two of the most important things you can do in your dealings with your own life -- and your relationships with others.
Why more people don't do it baffles me... I'm not saying it is always easy. I'm just saying it is the right thing to do...
I think I was in my mid-thirties when I started trying to bridge the gap between what I knew to be wrong and what I tolerated and allowed to be in my life.
Sometimes that made me too harsh and unsympathetic and I realize that there IS a line. It is a fuzzy line, though.
It is interesting to me that you call for moral and behavioral definitions marked by "good" parents, and yet you think anarchy is more appropriate in wider society.
This seems to me to be an obvious conflict in your basic premise, but I digress...
Personal responsibility and owning up to mistakes takes a solid foundation and a reasonable sense of self-worth.
It is not always easy for a busy parent to impart that on their children, but yeah, I think it is paramount in keeping society healthy and functioning.
It always comes down to how we were raised....
I'm starting to sound like a broken record.
You said it best in this post.
Everyone wants personal freedom without personal responsability.
Can't be done.
the ones who closely resemble your point are the ones who think you are flawed in your observation. law of averages and the amount of irresponsibility among us today make it impossible for one not to be a regular reader of your blog. you may have touched a nerve, but relax...it's not their fault.
just me again Mr Hammer sir.
I agree. People don't want to own up to their mistakes. I tend to fall into category myself sometimes.
BBC: way to be. It's hard on the ego but totally necessary.
Tweety: Sorry you know someone like this. I see too many and they try to suck sypmathy from me. I'm wisening up.
Jean: thanks :)
annie: This was an old post I re-wrote after dealing with some errant family members. It's really tough to be honest with ourselves
and others I guess that's why it's a problem. I still catch myself making excuses from time to time.
Scott: You said"Personal responsibility and owning up to mistakes takes a solid foundation and a reasonable sense of self-worth." Very well said.
It takes a strong and caring adult to impart these qualities. If more parents took this approach we wouldn't need hundreds of thousands of laws that cover every aspect of errant human behavior. I guess I'm a dreamer in that regard.
Ryan: thanks, I touch on this subject from time to time when personal experiences remind me of how messed up some people are.
cathy: thanks for visiting :) Absolutely! I can't think of any better way to put it.
anon: thanks for the kind words and vote of confidence. I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees thing this way.
snowmanpoop: The ones that I'm talking about don't even admit to themselves that there is any fault in their behavior.
I find myself rationalizing stupid things I do but eventually I have to bite the bullet and take the blame.
Well I'll admit it to myself it's just the admitting it to anyone else that I have the problem with. That's terrible I know.
Somethings are not our own fault or choice - e.g. It is not my fault that the massive radioactive contamination in my town has lead to such bizarre mutations. There I said it.
Mutley, so true! I do notice that some mutations can be beneficial especially in the case of the howler monkeys.
I think there is a huge difference between reducing the amount of laws and not believing they are necessary.
We have too many laws for a couple of reasons, I believe. One is the "we can't just sit here" phenom you get in governmental bodies. People think they are elected to "create" and "do" something, not simply govern.
Taxes are a classic example. Why are they so complicated? The basic idea is that everyone chips in a little so we can have services we all want.
I am a firm believer in the law reductionist ideals. Fewer, more accurate laws in all areas of life. If they were simpler, people could actually know what we've all agreed to abide by.
As it is, I haven't a clue.
And in the long run, putting a boot up the ass of those you love (with the words "I love you" taped to your sole) will do more wonders than simply tolerating things to be cool with things...
I can't really find much to expand upon. This post is very clear and to the point. It doesn't seem like its up for much argument. When I am wrong, I am the first to admit it. I think. Hasn't happened yet, but I'm pretty sure if it does, I'll be right there to say I'm sorry...my fault. As long as it really is my fault.
Excellent post. And the refusal of most of us to take responsibility for our mistakes is indeed rampant. I notice car insurance companies urge us NOT to take responsibility in the case of an accident. Lawyers would not be able to sue if their clients took responsibility for their part in an accident (like being totally inebriated when they tripped over the edge of the rug) or a smoker suing the cigarette company for their lung cancer. I'm sorry but the whole world has known they were bad for decades. That's why they wouldn't let kids do it. Blaming someone else can be like winning the lottery. It's got a while to go before it swings the other way again I think.
It's one thing for a kid to be hurt because an adult was negligent. It's quite another for an adult to make a decision to do something then blame someone else when it turns out bad.
If we want to be adults then our decisions should be our decisions.
Very good post Hammer.. and so very true unfortunately.
I have a few acquaintances that do the poor me routine when they so very obviously do nothing to try and change it.
At first I listened and sympathized, but then it just got to where I had no tolerance for it at all. I don't care if you have to sling burgers at McDonalds.. get off you ass and do something.. ANYTHING... then come back and tell me about that. THAT I'll be happy to listen to.
Scott: Looks like we agree :)
jp: lol Be sure to let us know ;)
jeannie: So true, every bit of it. I hate to see the world turning into a bunch of worthless cowards and ambulance chasers.
groovy: Sheesh tell me about it... Energy vampires is all they are. I feel like I have the flu after listening to one.
You know what I like about your blog, Hammer? It's a no bullshit blog. I don't have to wade through any crap when I come here, and what a relief that is.
jocelyn: thank you for the nice compliment.
You are right, there are a lot of people walking around this planet who are products of their, as you put it, "lazy shitheads" of parents.
I believe the cycle can only be broken with a lot of help from others, and even then, it's often soooo 'ingrained', its almost out of their control. I have seen this when working with youth from violent upbringings, or brought up by drug addicts/alcoholics. Their basic needs have often not been met from a very early age and therefore their emotional development is seriously hindered.
I was often amazed these kids could LAUGH, let alone grow up without becoming addicts/violent themselves. It takes HUGE commitment and often a HUGE wake-up call to change/break the cycle.
The 'unemployed' thing is also passed down by generations of people thinking they're OWED something.
If a person DOES break the cycle, then they should be extremely proud of their achievements. It's hard enough for someone from a 'good' home to break cycles.....
Amen to that Hammer...
There's an old saying: "A man that hasnt made any mistakes hasn't tried anything."
Well that's true, but you have to learn from them and be better for it, I have no sympathy for professional victims.
Amen! Well written!
Flyinfox_SATX
Good advice!
"Why do these people continue to do stupid shit? "
Maybe their bodies don't produce enough dopamine when needed. Sounds like as good an excuse as any.
KB: absolutely, with kids there has to be someone to step in and even then it's not guaranteed.
Way too many are growing up this way.
gunz: I see people hurt themselves for attention, they can't even come up with a good lie, frigging sick. I like that quote it makes a lot of sense.
flyinfox: thanks :)
Janet: Thank you :)
bobg: Yeah looks like I gave them a scientific excuse. I could make money writing a book telling people why things aren't their fault.
Right on! I still believe that is is okay to feel and say, "Woe is me...." Sometimes ya just gotta feel sorry for yourself but within a minimal time frame. After a reasonable time, ya gotta pull up those boot straps, re-evaluate and get it together!
Hang in there Hammer - it can be hard to avoid shouldering the aggravation others cause us.
I rarely make mistakes because I think before I act. I really use my blog to remember stupid shit that I do and learn from it. It is just like Adam and my fights, I totally own up to being a bitch on the blog and that leads me to apologizing for my behaviors.
Bwahaha! Hammer, wish you could have a sit down with my middle sister. She is now on job #5 in two years. She's been fired from each and every single one. 30 years old, living with her dad. But it's not her fault. It was company downsizing, temps were let go due to budget cuts, or whatever.
And when I attempted to plant my homeowning, steady employment, 401K investing, savings account building, single parent getting no friggin' child support foot up her moochin' ass and yelled at her to "quit yer bitchin'..." I got the wrath of daddy.
Talked about an enabler. He has loaned her $13,000 over the last four years and I've never borrowed a dime.
Yet I am the black sheep.
God dammit, where's my therapist's phone number?
Nomas: So true, some people wallow for years, what a waste.
Carrie: That works well, I try to learn from watching other people screw up too ;)
marianne: Oh man you just described my whole extended family.
My sister in law does the same thing and everyone coddles her no matter how much she lies and manipulates and then they treat my wife like shit for not being sympatheic to her.
Cheers to all the black sheep out there!
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