Here goes
Friday night, the wife and I are drinking wine, she hits the sack and I'm watching
Jerry Reed on the youtube. The phone rings at 2 AM, stupidly I answer it.
It's my dad, "son I'm in jail. I got into an argument with my father in law and he attacked me, my wife called the sheriff and I was taken to jail.
Oh fuck.
I have no reason to doubt my dad. He has never lied to me and has never once showed violence in the 37 years I've known him.
Turns out, his wife called the cops and dad gets put in jail.
I am up all night trying to figure out bail, I get my friend Gary who knows about these things to come over after his all night shift to help me spring dad from the slammer.
Dad told me that nobody was helping him, he had no medication and he was divorcing the whore witch that called the cops on him.
8am I'm in the bail bond's office signing my life away for 3500 dollar bond. Gary and I go to the magistrate and who the fuck do I see...
Samantha the stupid fucking cunt has already posted dad's bail and is waiting for his release.
I walked in and said "what the fuck?" she said it was handled.
Disgusted, I walked out, went back to the bail bond place and got my $380 back.
Pissed off and feeling betrayed, Gary and I went and ate some breakfast.
Dad sends me an Email saying, Thank you son, sorry I kept you up all night, I love you. you are a good son and my best friend.
How the fuck do I respond to that?
I love my dad but I am so afraid for his well being. I can only help him if he lets me.
It's my dad, "son I'm in jail. I got into an argument with my father in law and he attacked me, my wife called the sheriff and I was taken to jail.
Oh fuck.
I have no reason to doubt my dad. He has never lied to me and has never once showed violence in the 37 years I've known him.
Turns out, his wife called the cops and dad gets put in jail.
I am up all night trying to figure out bail, I get my friend Gary who knows about these things to come over after his all night shift to help me spring dad from the slammer.
Dad told me that nobody was helping him, he had no medication and he was divorcing the whore witch that called the cops on him.
8am I'm in the bail bond's office signing my life away for 3500 dollar bond. Gary and I go to the magistrate and who the fuck do I see...
Samantha the stupid fucking cunt has already posted dad's bail and is waiting for his release.
I walked in and said "what the fuck?" she said it was handled.
Disgusted, I walked out, went back to the bail bond place and got my $380 back.
Pissed off and feeling betrayed, Gary and I went and ate some breakfast.
Dad sends me an Email saying, Thank you son, sorry I kept you up all night, I love you. you are a good son and my best friend.
How the fuck do I respond to that?
I love my dad but I am so afraid for his well being. I can only help him if he lets me.
posted by Bill Rowland @ March 25, 2007
37 Comments
37 Comments:
He has to divorce that whore now, after this.
Make a payback to that woman. Ask her to come over, and then call for emergency and claim she has a mental break-out of schitzofrenia or something.
Let her stay in mental care for a few days. They are oblighted to make a mental test on her, which I feel maybe would be an idea.
By the way, I can see that Lexcen has this kind of test on his blog today....
christ, that's horrible. I really hope things work out okay *sending good vibes over*
What is that old saying?
God helps those that help themselves.
If he won't be God and do anything, there is nothing you can do.
You answered your phone. Ha, ha, ha. I never answer my phone, that is what answering machines are for. But in that case I suppose you would have had to take the call anyway.
Tell your father that I say he is a fucking idiot if he stays with her.
Ham~ I guess you just keep loving him and watching out for his safety. But I would have a sit down with him. If he is going to rely on you for his "bail calls" he needs to know you can't accept having contact with Sam. I think you just need to put that on the table and be firm about it. You for sure can't let her rent space in your head or your family's life.
I feel for you, it must be awful sitting there and watching this crap and not being able to do anything except pick up the pieces. I hope things turn out OK for your dad in the long run.
Hi Hammer. Oh, that is beyond hard. I agree with Cheesy and Janet...
My sympathies... It sucks when you see someone you care about in a self-destructive situation they don't yet want (or may never want)to remove themselves from...
Distance... emotional and physical... Or you get pulled into the drama and your life gets trashed too...
The Samanthas of the world make everyone a hostage to their b.s.
Withdraw... Your Dad is a big boy.
When he is READY, he'll take action himself -- and not just with his words. He'll move out, divorce her, change his number so she can't get ahold of him, get a restraining order if he needs to, etc...
Loving him doesn't mean being co-dependent... But oh is it tough not to be !
You are in a no-win situation. Support your dad the best you can, and try when the time is right to convince him he needs out of this. He must know it, but he's probably too deep to know how he can really leave. Give him an easy path...offer a solution that will allow him to get out without any drama...
Tough task. I mwish you luck on this one.
I can't offer anymore than everyone else has, Hams. Just know I'm here supporting & praying for you (((Hugs))). He's in an abusive situation, and just because he's a man doesn't make it any different than when a woman is in the situation. You can only do so much my friend.
Too bad you can't divorce her for him. But all you can do is be there and encourage him to do what's best for him.
Why does he stay with her? Holy shit! That's crazy.
She needs a good talking to.... or ass beating. One of the 2.
Kirsten: I gave him the number to a lawyer, we'll see if he follows through.
m: thanks it's appreciated.
bbc: I agree
cheesy: you're right I'm going to have to lay down te law on this one. the emothional roller coaster is too much
janet: thanks. he's been there for meI need to retuen the favor but only if he'll let me.
annie: you are so right..very good advice.
madz: thanks I'm trying to forge a path for him that allows him to leave. We'll see if he takes it.
barista: he has always been abused one way r another, it's too hard to watch, thank you for your thoughts and prayers
jeanie: thanks you are indeed correct
snowmanpoop: you said it..I agree completely
Hammer...my friend, I hope this works itself out for you.
I'll keep you and your Dad in mind.
you just have to consider if it's worth it, of course.
Do nothing- he's grown and needs to sort this all out for himself. Sure as you try to get involved in any way, he'll invariably go the other, and then you are the bad guy despite your intentions.
Still sucks.
Hammer, good luck with this mess. I hope it works out well for your dad, but he's going to have to decide to ditch Samantha on his own. If he does decide to do that, then support him, otherwise you'll just be sucked in the mess yourself.
Let me regale you with a similar situation between my wife and her daughter. Daughter is beaten up by boyfriend,breaks up with him and moves in with mother and myself. Mother is relieved that daughter finally has broken up with drug addict,loser boyfriend. Next thing you know loser is knocking on door and daughter is back with him. Mother confronts daughter about her stupidity and daughter reacts with violence and anger hitting mother, rolling on floor and vowing to kill mother. Needless to say, moral of the story is don't get involved.
Otis: thanks, I appreciate it man
l>t I'm not getting involved in his personal life, just worried about him going to jail,
stucco: He's always done right by me but I can only pick up pieces at this point, he has to make the tougg choices.
Brandon: You're exactly right, I'm not getting in the middle of this mess. I'll be there when he makes his choice.
lexcen: man sorry to hear about that. that scene you describe seems to play itself out constantly. Thanks for the advice. I'm steering clear for my own sake.
My guess in your fathers case, and in the one Lexcen mentioned, they really like each other in the sack.
Tough situation. Everyone has said just about everything there is to say. How cool to have such a lot of support and people who care. =)
And good old Gary!!! For all his 'oddness!' he's a good friend too.
Hard to watch this happen, but it'll be your Dad that "clicks" one day and he'll make the move - hopefully! She must be fulfilling a need in him somehow?
It's kinda like role-reversal - all you can do is reassure him that you love him. And you did that by being there for him.
I feel for you and the emotions you must be experiencing right now. Walk it off...... =)
good luck, sounds like a tough situation. Stand by him.
Who said life was going to be boring?
If you figure out how to get rid of your step mother, let me know.
I'd like to know
not that you want to hear this about Dad, but it sounds like little head thinking for big head...
google "castrating mother" if you want a theory on why he does not leave.
not that i put much faith in psychology.
how do you respond to the email.
i would just simply say:
I love you too Dad, alot.
nuff said
Well I don't think doing nothing is an option unless your Dad flat out tells you to stay out of it.
In the meantime, from some of your reply comments you left it sounds like you are doing the right thing to me.. talking to him and advising him.
If he does tell you to stay out of it, then you don't have much of a choice, other than to wait until the next time he needs you and go from there.. tough situation. I'm thinking I would have a hard time not being there for him anytime he needed me if it was my dad. It's just what you do for those you love.
Good luck with it Hammer. I hate you are having to go through that, and from the way you have described this woman.. I'm scared for your dad's safety.. she's a nut and a menace to anyone around her.
Don't even know what to say. Guess no one really knows the intimate connections and full going-ons between couples.
My little brother just took his girlfriend of 10 years back once more. She has run off twice now in the past few months.
Hubby and I are on our fifth separation.
None of us has called cops on our significannt others but we have most assuredly committed hurt with words and other actions.
All you can do is be there for your dad.
Hang in there - I'm rooting for your own mental health and physicall restraint!
bbc: actually, my dad has a issue with staying with abusers. It happened when he was a kid, with my mom and now with samantha.
kb: gary came through indeed. Samantha is crazy but she takes dad to his doctor appointments and spends his money. So that he has a roof and food.
Editor: thanks, seems to be my only option at this point.
Ryan: I don't think she is going to get off of the gravy train that easy, even though she pulls some really stupid jerry springer moves.
infinitesimal: Actually, Samantha looks like the abomidable snowman from that old Christmas show, Dad's mom wasn't castrating but she was an abused woman and my dad stuck around through the hell to try to keep his mom safe. I finally responded to the Email with your suggstion.
groovy: he doesn't want me to stay out of it but I dopn't think I could do anything unless he does it on his own. It's his only weakness.
Nomas: thanks,sounds like you have some insight into these things unfortunately., Actually, he knows I'm only a phone call away. I've proven myself in that regard. But I'm not going to put my family in jeapordy because of her.
Wow Hammer I'm sorry to hear about this. That would be a really hard situation to deal with. My thoughts and prayers are with you though.
If it were me, I would tell him that you love him dearly and it hurts you to no end seeing him this weak and unable to take the hard road.
I would tell him that you can't help but be immeasurably disappoimted in him, and that you wish he had the cajones you would wish on any father and would Do something to resolve all of this nonsense.
Then I'd wish him luck, tell him you love him, and ask that he not bring that shit around you and your family ever again.
But I can be a bit harsh with people. That's just me...
stuccos right. Parents will give you no choices on certain things just like we kids will to them. But Im sure theres some crack bitch that wll gladly harm the woman for $380
Just sending some love. You've got a shitty situation, and probably too much advise already. Hope it all works out.
mrsjosegoldbloom: thank you it is appeciated.
Scott: luckily women are his only weakness. Although a harsh one.
He's been good to me and this is the first time he's ever called on me. I'll have to get serious if this turns into a jerry springer episode.
Judith: lol Not sure, samantha is a 350Lb sasquatch of a woman. Scary as hell but mostly a bitch.
Fathhairybastard, thanks man it is indeed appreciated.
OMG - you poor pop is married to a lunatic. What an absolute psycho-bitch she is. holy shit.
Shes definately a control freak, sounds like he's being used, he cares for her and she could care less as long he's giving her what she wants...
With nothing in return.
I've seen her type. He needs to get rid of her. Every woman I know of that's the exact same way are unmedicated manic depressives.
He's in a dangerous relationship.
Maybe she will croak or something.
I didn't just say that, did I?
Holy shit, and I thought my family was dysfunctional!
Damn.
I hope your dad escapes this soon, and safely.
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