Home town

Missouri river at the town of Sugar Creek

I have fond memories of my childhood in the midwest. People were friendly, the streets were safe and everything seemed so innocent.

I lived in and around the Kansas city suburbs until about 1978. My grandmother rented the duplex next door so I spent a lot of time with her and my teenage aunt and uncle. They used to torture the shit out of me, take my blanket and hide my teddy bear...assholes They kept saying that by 7th grade I should give up Mr Bear. But I digress...

Grandma's place was fun, she made me chili dogs, fried chicken and pork chops. I used to watch Gilligans Island in the basement family room and I got to sit in grandpas lazy boy recliner. It smelled strongly of spilled coffee and stale cigarettes. Damn I miss that chair.

I had to vacate the chair when Grandpa came down. Everyone called him "old man" because he was old way beyond his years, crazy and over medicated. I actually thought his name was old man until I was about 11 years old.

When the "old man" came down he always wanted to watch game shows. Jokers Wild, Match Game and Hollywood squares. He would chain smoke unfiltered Pall Malls and guzzle cup after cup of coffee. He never talked but I liked to watch him laugh at the TV.

I was the only one who felt sorry for him. Everyone else treated him like shit. I remember the only words he ever spoke to me, the whole time I knew him "Boy, don't ever grow up to be like me" That made me kind of sad, but it was sage advice.

My Aunt and uncle were twins born 4 minutes apart. My Aunt was petite attractive and popular and my Uncle was a giant boy/man who looked like a big goofy slacker.

My uncle used to let me watch him mess with his cars, tinker with stuff or whatever teenagers do. He used to smoke pot, siphon gas and take Grandmas car out, get drunk and wreck it...a lot.

I liked hanging out with him so I didn't rat him out, very often.

My aunt was moody, self absorbed and spoiled, she was afraid of everything and her brother used to have great fun torturing her with snakes, and bugs just to watch her run and scream. It was fun to watch them go at it, at least they weren't picking on me.

I also had an older uncle who was a Vietnam Vet, alcoholic, drug addict. Grandma used to bitch at him incessantly but she was actually a total enabler. He used to come in drunk, sit down at the kitchen table, roll joints and pass them under the table to his younger siblings. I remember his wild stories filled with these crazy words I had never heard before. As a 6 year old this was fascinating, I didn't know any better.

My mom hated everyone so she rarely walked the 50 feet from our house to Grandmas. Which was fine by me.

The cul-de sac we lived on was interesting, an old man named Mr Suitor owned all the houses. He built them himself and rented them out. They were nice and he kept everything up really well. I learned to ride a bike on that street. I was one of the only kids on the block, so I would help the old ladies carry in their groceries, they would always give me a quarter or a soda for being a nice kid. I had no qualms about knocking on their doors just to tell them a knock knock joke.

I think they were lonely and bored just like me. The old folks were always nice about my interruptions. Ha! just try doing that shit today and you'll be the only 6 year old with a restraining order.

One day I was playing outside and the neighbor girl who was the same age as me and who I kind of had a crush on, walked outside and came up to me...She was buck naked. My mouth gaped open and I asked "Where's your pee pee?"

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She said she didn't have one. That was really confusing to me. I asked her how it got chopped off...she said she didn't know but I could show her mine if I wanted.

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I told her she had better go back inside her house, because I was pretty sure being outside at 3:00pm butt ass naked, in the middle of the street was not proper behavior.

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I felt like I was going to get in trouble for being seen with her.... I've always been prudish like that.

I guess I'm just rambling down memory lane today.