Trip to the coast..just the guys

I had just quit one of my terrible disgusting jobs and was in bad shape, physically and emotionally drained. A good friend of mine "Gary" was recently laid off too. Another set of friends Kurt and Sheridan had come in from Arizona, they were worthless bums, always jobless.

We four decided to make use of our temporary vacation and do something fun. Gary had a Volkswagen Van with a pop up top and I had some money so we decided to go camping.

We picked Garner state park as our destination. It had a river, nice views and was pretty quiet in May. We didn't pack much stuff, expecting to buy what we needed once we got there.

When we entered the park the ranger told us It would be $38 per night for us to park the van and have access to the facilities which consisted of a parking space, hibachi and a picnic bench.

Screw that noise. We had come this far, so we decided to buy some sandwich stuff , beer and hang out for the day. When we got up to the convenience store we soon found that we were in a dry county. No Beer for sixty miles in any direction.

Well hell. We went swimming, climbed some rocks and tried to decide what we were going to do with ourselves.

The gulf coast was only 2 hours away and I knew for a fact camping on the beach was only $7 for a years pass. We packed up and hit the grocery store, bought some Jugs of water, beans, tortillas, jalepenos and 3 cases of Lone Star beer. When a case of beer runs $5.99 you know it's the good stuff.

We hit the road, Gary at the wheel (nobody got to drive his VW van) Kurt,Sheridan and I were sitting on the back couch listening to music. We decided to open up the cooler, have a couple of beers to help pass the time and take the edge off. Gary wasn't drinking of course. We hadn't eaten yet that day and one beer turned into three or four and soon we were laughing and singing at the top of out lungs, cutting up and making asses out of ourselves. All in good fun of course.

Gary was getting really annoyed at our noisy obnoxious selves, partially because he couldn't drink with us and partially because he was a grumpy dickhead most of the time.

One thing that happens when you drink beer, you've got to pee....a lot. I turned down the stereo and hollered up for Gary to pull over at the next facility so we could take a whiz. We waited and waited. Finally, we saw a truck stop. Gary wasn't slowing down or exiting. We yelled for him to stop but He pretended not to hear us. "Oops sorry, no bathroom for 50 miles... isn't that toooo baaad" was his only comment as we passed the last possible salvation. Asshole....

We all had to go really really bad. We were hopping around like jack rabbits trying desperately to figure out what we were going to do to keep from pissing ourselves. Sheridan had an idea. He grabbed one of the gallon water jugs and emptied it out the side window. He placed it behind the front seat which offered the only privacy, and began to pee in the jug. I really didn't want to do it, having never peed in a plastic jug before.

After I saw the enormous relief on Kurt and Sheridan's faces I bit the bullet and proceeded to empty my bladder into the jug. Whats this? I look down and notice that the jug is almost full and I'm still going full stream. I was able to cut the flow just in the nick of time. I put the cap back on the jug. We slowed down on our beer consumption from that point on.

We got to the beach, ran out into the water swam in the waves, made a bon fire and decided to catch some of the numerous crabs that were running all over the place. I found a broom stick and an old bucket and we tried desperately to catch these little buggers for dinner. Four drunken assholes running all over the beach trying to catch crabs...it didn't work. Evolution was on their side. As soon as we got near a crab he could bury himself deep in the sand in half a second.

We headed back to the van and decided to eat the grub I had brought with us. I put refried beans and jalapenos on tortillas and handed them out to everybody. It was bare sustenance but at this point we were hungry and tired. The jalapenos were hot as hell and due to the fact that Gary was eating too fast, he started to get a severe case of the hiccups. I handed him a cold beer.but he waved me off and instead grabbed a water jug and tipped it up to his mouth... glug glug glug,

I looked up and noticed he had grabbed the wrong one.

Sheridan , Kurt and I all yelled at the same time "STOP... IT'S... PISSSS..!!!!!"

Gary dropped the jug and violently expectorated the contents of his mouth all over us.

We were covered in beer piss, mixed with the remnants of Gary's bean and jalapeno taco.

Not another word was said. We washed off in the ocean and went to sleep.

Gary didn't talk to us for the rest of the trip or the drive home the next day.

I guess our trip to the coast left him with a bad taste in his mouth.