Primary or Secondary?
I was in the pet store the other day buying a new bed pad for my dog. I was scanning the shelves for a suitable color, when I slipped in a puddle of dog piss about the size of a kids wading pool. The still warm pee soaked into my shoe and it took me a couple of frantic goose steps to get out of the yellow lagoon.
What sort of lame brained dog owner lets his incontinent great dane piss the contents of lake superior in the middle of the Petco without informing anyone?
I squished my way up to the front counter. Everyone is staring because my shoes are making this wet sucking noise everytime I take a step. The smell isn't so great either.
I get the attention of a bored, matronly cashier and inform her that there is a big mess on isle 7 and someone is going to fall if they don't clean it up.
She looked at me and with an aloof sneer asked, " primary or secondary?"
I gave her a blank stare for a second trying to figure out what language this woman was speaking. Maybe she didn't understand me. I told her again "big mess on 7 you need to call someone". She replied once more, this time louder: "PRIMARY OR SECONDARY?"
I told her, "I don't know what the fuck you are talking about. I'm just trying to save your ass from getting sued when someone falls into the gigantic river of piss on isle 7"
Exasperated, Ms Snotty Pants Petco cashier snidely, informs me that it's called "Primary"
I did not know I was supposed to use special "sensitive" pee speak at the pet store. With my amazing powers of deduction I soon ascertained that secondary is shit.
How about dog puke?
What should I call that Mrs secondary head cashier lady?
Labels: Humor
posted by Bill Rowland @ October 23, 2006
17 Comments
17 Comments:
Perhaps you should have removed a piss soaked shoe, shaken the contents on her, and said "I don't know if that's primary or secondary; you figure it out." That may have got her attention a bit quicker. May have been viewed as insensitive though...
Whatever happened to kaka an pipi?
political correctness for pet excrement. some fucked up society we live in where we have to be sensitive to dogs and their waste habits. stupidity must be contagious.
Hammer,
You poor thing ! Ick ! I like what Jarhead John suggested !
So... what color of dog bed did you end up buying ???
Have a good Tuesday -- hopefully much better than yesterday !
Sincerely,
Anne Elizabeth
I went to walmart where they spoke English, I bought a giant bag of cedar chips,washed and restuffed the old bed.
It sounds like the customer service at petco is "secondary". :)
LOL, if they were offended by the word 'piss,' then they would have really been blown away had it been secondary!
Seems like the petsmarts should provide litlle clean-up station around the stores. Trash cans, plastic bags, gloves & paper towels.
Given the circumstances, I would've probably stuffed the old bed or a blanket with the chips, too.
Code for "accidents" in the store? Eesh. Even my grandma would've called it as it was.
Then again, Grandma would've probably dumped it on the offender's head...
- ISU Tinkerer
My sister owns and operates a small dog boutique called "My Dog Bakery" that lets dogs in to shop for their own stuff. When setting up shop, we spent alot of time trying to figure out how to keep marking dogs from peeing on the merchandise.
I suggested she put a peeing post near the front door, complete with a shallow pan to catch the primaries as they ran. Then she could ask the owner to leave the marking dog outside, where she had gravel and places to tie them up.
I'll have to ask wether she implemented my genuis or not...
Vomit, I believe, is called "a return".
Some stores don't allow returns and I don't blame them.
What code would you use for dog honk???? Not all of their cashiers would have heard of the word 'regurgitation' I suppose.. As scott pointed out it probably would be classed as a return alright but they would probably argue that the 'goods' that are being returned are soiled LOL hows that for pun!!
Ham
You're rockin my world lately. Great writing. Sorry to be laughing AT YOU.
but i could use a laugh these days.
You guys crack me up. I wish I had thought to put my shoe on the counter with a sample of the substance.
Scott: A return? lol you can't
make that shit up.
ISU tinkerer: I am afraid of what someone less even tempered would do to that cashier.
Skinny blonde: I would hate to see how they would deal with a dog humping emergency.
Thanks Portnoy, The situation got funnier the dryer my shoe got.
Judith: and intolerant:
I don't know what this world is coming to with all this correct code speak. Maybe if I was in 5 star restaurant and I found a big ole pile on the floor I would be more discrete.
Well I guess the cashier person needs to know if it's primary, secondary, tertiary, quaternary, quinary, senary, septenary, octonary, nonary, denary, duodenary etc so she can call for a mop, shovel, bucket, broom, fire hose, dump truck or whatever to clean up what we goofy ass customers call a big ass mess.
lol myron, In this case an industrial sized sump pump was needed to clean up the dog pee.
Call her a primary BITCH with a secondary case of ASSHOLE then grab her by the scruff of the neck and drag her to the puddle, rub her nose in it and say:
"Bad customer service... BAD BAD BAD."
I would bitch to the manager and get a free sack of petfood for your trouble. Then the asshole bitch looks bad to her boss who also suffers a loss. (sometimes you gotta use tough love, or they just don't understand)
infintesimal,
do you have a phone numer. cause next time i need to give some attitude adjustment, i wanna call you to do it for me.
P
Primary, secondary... turdciary? There's a joke in there somewhere, I just know it...
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