Kids do the damnedest things.

I'm constantly getting calls from my son's teacher about crazy shit he does at school. Not bad calls mind you. I got a message on my machine this afternoon telling me my son is infatuated with the class ant farm and wants to be reincarnated as an ant. I have no idea where he comes up with this shit.

The other day the teacher was passing around different herbs like basil, rosemary and thyme so the kids could smell them and see what they looked like. When the herbs didn't make it back up to the teacher she inquired on where they went. Apparently my son had put them in a girls armpit because he wanted to "cheer her up".

I'm going to have to have a long talk with that boy...

When he was two years old I would be pushing him in the grocery cart and whenever I paused to take something off the shelf and there happened to be a woman near by with a nice looking butt, he would grab a handful of it.

Needless to say, this often led to some embarassing situations. I had to be quick on my feet. Sometimes they thought it was cute, others thought I was a pervert placing blame on my kid. Ever try to reason with a 2 year old and try to prevent them from impulsively grabbing things?

Then at three years old sonny boy decided he liked boobs. We were at a steak restaurant one night and when the waitress bent down to pick up a plate kiddo reached in her blouse and grabbed a bare tit.

I was about to crawl under the table out of embarassment. Luckily he's a cute kid and she didn't raise a fuss, needless to say she got a hefty tip that night.

Now with all the election shit going on I've got people knocking on the door telling me to vote for some asshole or another. I was visiting the throne and dropping the brown kids off at the pool when the door bell rang.

Against all of my teachings and admonishments my son opened the door, I was trying to cut myself short and get out there to make sure he was safe when I heard him loudly exclaim "WE'RE REPUBLICANS!!!" and then a loud "slam".

When I got out to the living room there he was all pleased with himself dusting his hands off muttering something about friggin democrats.

I asked him where he learned "frigging democrats" and how he knew he was a Republican. He told me his class had mock elections and everyone including the teacher was pushing Democrats. He told me that he felt sorry for the Republicans because nobody liked them.

How can you argue with that logic?

Since my last name is of Hispanic origin I am frequently targeted as a liberal Democrat. I get Spanish language flyers on my door telling me to stop the moral bankruptcy of the current administration...

I offered my son a dollar for every time he slammed the door on someone canvassing for the democrats.

I haven't yet got around to explaining to him that I'm a Libertarian.