My list

Who is on my shit list?

The current administration for throwing capitalism and the free market in the toilet, filling high level positions with tax cheats, appointing Marxist advisers, apologizing to our enemies and basically making the US look like a weak willed bunch of pansies in front of the Russians, Chinese, Taliban and any other group of nutbags that are pissed off at us.

Advertisers and TV executives: Do you really think gangster rappers need to be peddling breakfast cereals at 7am? Do I really want my girls to see their hero Hanna Montana dating a dreadlocked rastafarian on her sitcom? Do I want to hear (C)rap music on the Discovery channel to make Science and technology seem cool and hip? Fuck no! I want mass media to stop trying to shove black culture down our throats. It is a culture of misogyny, violence, crime, drugs, unwed pregnancy and victim mentality. No thank you. You got your token president now leave me the fuck alone. The TV is going off as of right fucking now.

American companies first for trying to use crooked Enron type policies to help hide the truth about their solvency. For greedily taking bailout money which basically means they sold their souls (and your retirement) to the devil. Now some idiot bureaucrat gets to run your company for the foreseeable future. It's called nationalization numb nuts...You learn about it in 7th grade. You should have just declared bankruptcy. Now you are Obama's prison bitch. Welcome to Oz motherfuckers.

My Niece, applied for and recieved $200,000 in grants and student loans, finished school for about $20,000, wasted $180,000 on several first class vacations, tons of electronics, and dining out. She gets a good job after graduation, immediately goes out on disability due to a "Neck injury" even though she seems to be able to ride roller coasters and go white water rafting while off work..Her doctor releases her to go back to work, she develops a rash says she can't work . So they fire her. Now it's every one's fault but hers. No money, no job, now she is coming to me and my wife for money.. I put my foot down and told them NO! I am not getting involved. I've done it before and it sucks. People need to learn to stand on their own two feet.

That is my shit list..what's yours look like?

Per request.

My oldest daughter and I were listening Jango the other day when this song came on.

She asked me to make a video for it..so here it is..

Why am I not surprised at this one:

Monday.

My miniature dachshund Marvin is a pain in the ass. He recently acquired a taste for lolipops.

This past halloween my daughters had piles of blowpops and other assorted suckers in their candy bags. They would sample one, and if they didn't like the flavor, they would throw it in the trash. Marvin was never a trash digger until he discovered piles of once licked lolipops in the small garbage can.

I kept seeing the dog walk around the house with a white stick hanging out of his mouth like Kojak. He would then hold the stick with his paws and finish eating his candy.

It was funny at first, but now he is a sugar junky and as a consequence he dumps over all the trash cans in the house looking for a fix.

"Rusty" the dog my wife brought home last year is doing well. However, when humans are not in sight, he jumps on the table knocks the butter dish on the floor and eats all the butter.

I was baking cinnamon rolls one morning and I had unwrapped a stick of butter and set it on the plate. I went to grab the sugar and I turned around just in time to see Rusty with a whole stick of butter in his mouth. He was trying to stealthily sneak off in a belly crawl. I yelled at him and he dropped it and slinked away.It seemed like a shame to waste the butter but it was pretty much a total loss at that point.

The sneaky butter stealer now stays in the kennel when he is inside.

Here is the quick and easy cinnamon roll recipe I came up with a few months ago.

Hammer's easy cinnamon rolls.

Preheat oven to 325F

Dough:

1 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)

1/4 cup white sugar

2 packets active dry yeast

1 teaspoon salt

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

Stir water, 1 Tsb of sugar and yeast together until dissolved and creamy. Add the salt. Stir in the flour and the remainder of the sugar until well blended. Let dough rest in the bowl for 10 minutes.

While dough is resting make your filling.

Filling:

One stick of butter

1 cup of brown sugar

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tablespoon of ground cinnamon.

Soften the butter slightly and mix all the ingredients well until it looks like a paste.

Knead the dough about 10 times on a lightly floured surface then pat it out flat until it's a square about 10 to 12 inches on all sides.

Spread the filling onto the square dough leaving about 1/2 inch on all sides. Save about 1/3 of a cup back for the topping

Carefully roll the dough into a tube with the filling on the inside. It should be about as big around as a soda can.

Get a 9 inch round or square cake pan ready and cut round sections off of the tube of dough about 1 and 1/2 inches thick and arrange them all in the cake pan so they are touching.

Cover and let them rise for about 10 min.

Uncover and put them into the oven for 20 to 25 minutes. When they come out spread the rest of the filling over the top and let it melt.

They are ready to serve as soon as they come out of the oven. I like them with a glass of cold milk.

Things I've learned

Knee jerk reactions usually cause bigger problems than the one you are reacting to.
When faced with an issue, it's best to sit down and think it out before you do or say something you will later regret.

Most problems solve themselves, that's the way the world works. Things tend to naturally move towards equilibrium . Some silly humans actually believe that our fretting and thrashing about amounts to something in the grand scheme of things.

When it is time to take action you will know it. Fight or flight...or tactical withdrawl.

A recent study confirms that drinking 2 or more cups of coffee per day decreases the chances of getting alzheimers by 60%.

The media is full of shit. Pretty much every news story, no matter how mundane is filled with inaccuracies, lies and political spin. I don't know what drives this, but whenever I research a headline and go to the source, there facts are much different than reported.

For example, a few months back the media reported that a 90 year old black lady shot herself in the chest just as county deputies were serving an eviction notice. "This poor soul would rather die than leave the home she had been in for 38 years"

Something just didn't smell right, Why would a home she had for almost 40 years not be paid for?

I read the police report on the incident a month later. Turns out she took out a second 30 year mortgage on the home 5 years prior and bought a bunch of worthless shit. With no income she couldn't pay it back. They tried to contact the lady 30 times to talk to her about the loan and she would not answer the door. A neighbor climbed up a ladder to tell her deputies were outside when she shot herself.

Turns out they are forgiving the loan and giving her the house....I wonder if she is going to take out another 30 year mortage now?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/10/03/eviction.suicide.attempt/

Protesters demand fair distribution of wealth

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090328/ap_on_re_eu/eu_g20_protests

LONDON – Thousands of people marched through European cities Saturday to demand jobs, economic justice and environmental accountability, kicking off six days of protest and action planned in the run-up to the G20 summit next week in London.

They want jobs created out of thin air? What the hell is Economic Justice? Environmental Accountability? Hell, I need a job making up bullshit buzzwords

Protest organizers said they wanted leaders from the world's top 20 economies to adopt a more transparent and democratic economic recovery plan.

No..they want to dictate that money be thrown at people who do nothing but march against capitalism and live on the dole.

Brendan Barber, says: "If we can generate fabulous wealth, as we can, then surely we can learn how to distribute that wealth more fairly. If we can unleash a technological revolution then surely we can ensure that everyone on this planet gets the food, the shelter and the health care that they need," he said.

The only reason we have great wealth and technological revolution is because there the government still allows entreprenurial enterprises to profit. When taxes punish production there is no incentive to produce.

You want to talk morals? Why the hell should the money earned by sweat, risk taking and capital investment be confiscated and given to those who refuse to take responsibility for their own financial security. You want fairness? Stop stealing the money of hard working people and giving it to goldbricking layabouts.

Big protests were also held in Germany. Around 15,000 people gathered in Berlin, and a demonstration also was held in Frankfurt, Germany's banking capital, under the slogan: "We won't pay for your crisis."

Well wait a minute here...this crisis was caused by programs you demanded that forced banks under "fair lending rules" to give home loans to low income people with bad credit. Now you are saying you don't want to pay taxes to fix this mess? Shit or get off the pot you two faced morons.

Trade unions and left-wing groups in Geneva mobilized some 250 people who marched through town with banners reading "Capitalism is a mistake" and chants of "Revolution."

Excuse me Mr trade union. If it weren't for capitalism..you would be dirt farming for some feudal lord. Union members for the most part are hard working people trying to get by and you are trying to eliminate the reason they have a job in the first place.

"The whole economic meltdown ... There's a really good opportunity for governments to get together and invest in a sustainable future," said unemployed Steve Burson, 49.

There is nothing sustainable about taxing buisnesses and workers to death and funneling all the money into a vast government trough where a good majority of it is looted by the same socialist "reformers" you admire. Why do you think the USSR and Eastern Bloc fell 20 years ago? It was because they tried and the same nonsense that you are currently pushing and failed miserably.

How soon we forget.

Breakfast

I made some scones this morning because the wife wanted to try some new lemon curd she bought at the gormet grocery.

I couldn't find a recipe that fit what I was doing, so I modified a biscuit recipe.

3 cups all purpose flour
3tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/3 cup sugar
1 tsp salt

1 and 1/2 sticks butter
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup orange juice
1 cup raisins.

Preheat oven to 425

Mix all the dry ingredients in a large bowl and add in butter. Pinch the butter and flour mixture between your fingers until the flour turns to coarse crumbs.
add milk, raisins and orange juice. Mix well.

Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface and pat it till it's about 1/2 inch thick. Cut rounds out of the dough with a coffee cup or biscuit cutter.

Place the cut scones in an ungreased 9 inch round baking pan. Bake for 12 minutes on the center rack. Tops should be light brown. Serve with jam, butter, honey or just a cup of coffee.

Couple of Friday videos

Ted on human rights




Lolcats 24

A message from Chuck Heston

It's a fair trade

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090326/ap_on_bi_ge/states_welfare_with_strings



CHARLESTON, W.Va. – Want government assistance? Just say no to drugs.
Lawmakers in at least eight states want recipients of food stamps, unemployment benefits or welfare to submit to random drug testing.
The effort comes as more Americans turn to these safety nets to ride out the recession. Poverty and civil liberties advocates fear the strategy could backfire, discouraging some people from seeking financial aid and making already desperate situations worse.

To me this is just common sense.

Drugs are expensive. If someone has money to buy drugs they have money to buy food, shelter, clothing etc.. Why in the hell should my Tax dollars be used to subsidize somone's crack or meth habit.

My Uncle has a step daughter that sells her $1000 in monthly foodstamps for half face value and then she buys drugs with the proceeds. She has 5 kids from 5 different "homies" and when her kids start crying from hunger this bitch drops them off at my uncle's house so he can feed and care for them while she goes out and finds more sperm "donors".

You can't make me believe that drug testing welfare recipients is a bad idea. People that work for a living have to piss in cups all the time. Why not the people who benefit from our free money.

The ACLU says that drug addicts might not apply for welfare and food stamps if they think they may be tested....Ohhh Noooooo! How terrible! We all have choices in this world. Wrong choices have consequences.

I have a strong feeling that if we required mandatory piss testing of welfare applicants the welfare rolls would decrease 60%. They should go a step further and make sure that these people don't drink or smoke either.

If someone is genuinely homeless and their family is starving, drugs and alcohol should be the last things on their minds.

This week in Hammer land

My dog Chula started acting weird this weekend, and by Monday she was barely moving and would squeal if anyone touched her. I was afraid she was poisoned or something. I took her to our good vet that has saved Marvin's ass many times. After an exam and X-rays she determined she had a bruised back. The dog got some type of pain pills /anti inflammatory and she was up wagging her tail in about 20 minutes.

My wife had a dentist appointment right we finished at the Vet so I drove her over and walked the dog around while she was fitted for a new crown. I could see through the window that there was some dude in the dentist office getting a "grill" installed..It was platinum with diamonds The guy walked out and axed his girlfriend: "hey baby hows muh teef looks?" I tried not to laugh too hard. But that shit is fucking ridiculous.

I never knew those things were installed by dentists..I thought they came out of gumball machines.

Since my wife is on vacation, we went to a new Thai restaurant for lunch.the place was nice, the food was fresh but wasn't seasoned..which I thought was very odd.

I'm going to stick with the hole in the wall place that has traditional cuisine. I don't care if the wallpaper is peeling and the carpet is threadbare, I go to a place for quality food and service.

I went and stocked up on Cigars and pipe tobacco today, the guy at the shop said that on April 1 most Cigars will go up 48 cents to 78 cents each. I'm 10 times screwed because I buy these little tins of 10 cigarillos.. a tin costs $8 now with the tax on each cigar they estimate the new price will be anywhere from $13 to $17. I hope that doesn't end up being the case. I don't think the lung cancer problems in this country have anything with cigars and pipe tobacco but they are only raising the tax on a pack of regular cigarettes 61 cents.

Humbuggery!

Oh well.. here's a video.

Funnies

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how
You can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size
As kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big Croc, "what have you been eating?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small Croc.

"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"

"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?"

"Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
The car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of
Them and eat 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not
Getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit
Out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase

I'm not with the program

I'm not a conformist..but you probably already know that about me.

I have to throw a wrench into the works whenever I can just so I can maintain some sanity.

If everyone else is doing one thing I do another. As a kid this made me immensely unpopular.

I was the person wouldn't bend to peer pressure and wouldn't turn a blind eye to obvious monkeyshines.

It was the only way I felt I could maintain my individuality in a world full of followers.

When things are shoved at me I shove back.

For example, for the last 15 years or so there has been a recycling program here where you washed out your cans and bottles, removed the labels and put them in a special tote to be picked up on Tuesdays.

First of all, I don't have time to wash and peel my garbage. Second of all I don't believe in recycling if it doesn't pay. So I did some research...turns out no one wanted the raw materials collected by my city so it was all being quietly dumped into the local landfill. The channel 4 troubleshooters had done an expose on the whole stinking scam.

What a waste of money and resources! They spend all this time gathering and sorting garbage just to dump it in a landfill...

Ha! I knew it. Recycling is a scam..it is currently cheaper for manufacturers to make a new plastic bottle or tin can than it was to use recycled materials.

So I took my recycle bin and used it to store some Christmas decorations.

Every week all of my neighbors would dutifully put their carefully washed garbage in their little green bin and set it on the curb. One guy across the street asked me..."don't you recycle?"

I said yes I take scrap aluminum to the metals dealer and get $175 a truck load.

"No I mean your plastics" ...I responded with.. Why should I? I'm not getting paid to sort and bathe my trash and the city just dumps it in the landfill anyway..do your reasearch....

The guy huffed and went back inside.

Screw them!

Now we just started a new system..the city provides us with 2 large plastic dumpsters; one for bags of trash and one for recyclables and a truck comes by twice per week and picks them up with a scissor lift and dumps the bins automatically.

I was pissed off at first..then I realized my golden opprotunity.

I filled the recycle dumpster with all my old broken computers, monitors, old tires, tree limbs, leaves, snot rags, dog shit and other crap I couldn't or wouldn't put in my trash can.

I sat outside and chuckled as the truck came by and dumped all that shit onto their pretty clean washed cans and bottles that the drones so dutifully gathered.

Life is good.

Ramblings

Went to my sister in law's birthday party last night. She recently came around and started acting normal after 4 years of hating our guts..I still don't know what started or ended her hatred for my wife and I. She changed I stay the same. I'm not going to bother getting attached to these fuckers because they will probably go off the deep end again at some point.

My wife's feelings were hurt because on her birthday a little over a month ago, none of her brothers or sister bothered to call her, send a card, present etc.. and she was expected to go to this party and be chipper about it.


I personally couldn't give half a shit about these people. Sister in law is manic, The Brother in law I talked about yesterday is piece of shit and the other brother is a drugged out loser.

Went to my dad's house this morning. My Aunt and her husband were visiting from KC. They are nice folks but I'm just now getting to know them. They run a day care and do the foster kid thing. They have 2 teen aged daughters who are happier texting to far off places than doing the family thing...oh well.

They were driving my late grandmother's ford escort when it broke down in Waco. The mechanic said "you blew the engine 4 grand to fix it". Luckily My cousins went up and towed it to my dad's house. I examined the car and it just needs a timing chain....predatory fuckers..that's what's wrong with America these days.

I'm going to offer to buy the car and fix it up for my son. I think that would be the right thing to do.

I shot my .45/410 "The judge" for the first time today. The .45 long colt was pretty accurate. But when using the 410 shells at 25 feet the bird shot bounced off the oak logs we were using for a backstop and peppered me pretty good. I'm sticking to triple ought buck from now on...

My kids spent several hours fucking with the prime directive and moving different ants from one colony to another to see what happened. I told them that if they got bit not to come crying to me...just bluffing of course.

Oh well here's a video:

Weird stuff always happens to me.

I alway keep my phone in my truck, it just sits in the tray in case something happens when I'm on the road or I need to make a call from the grocery.

I don't check it for weeks at a time because whenever it rings it's some drunk wrong number or some sales fuck trying to sell me something.

I happened to open up the phone and I saw a text message.. weird...

It said it was sent at 2:00am the previous night and it read: "Hey sweety where R U at?"...

I didn't recognize the number.

I figured..wrong number.. failed booty call...oh well

Then I saw more "sext" messages from the same number on previous nights and each one was more amorous than the previous.

What the fuck?...I thought maybe it's some kind of prank..but very few people have my cell number.

Then I saw that there was a voice mail from the same number that the texts came from.

I listened to the message and much to my surprise it was a familiar voice trying to hook up with someone with a name very close to mine. For example: Instead of Hammer they were asking for Hammerina.

I called the number and as I suspected, my brother in law answered..I said ..Dude..quit leaving dirty messages on my phone.. You're calling the wrong fucking number..I'm not Hammerina!

The phone went silent for a second..then my BIL says.."Oh Shit! I got your numbers mixed up when I put them in my new phone! Oh well, thanks gotta go bye!"

My Brother in Law is a loser piece of shit, he cleans up his act for a year or so then goes right back into doing the drugs, partying and womanizing. He just recently converted to his wife's religion and is always throwing his holier than thou shit in everyones faces because he sings in their church and is a youth counselor...give me a break.

Oh well, I've learned to keep my nose out of other people's business. I've learned that getting involved in other people's messes just gets me dirty and doesn't solve anything.

lolcats 23

Youtube deleted most of my videos because of copywrite issues...bastards! we will see how long this one lasts.

Heheheh

More from the WTF files

When I was a kid, cheerleaders jumped up and down with pom poms and said yay team. Seemed fine with me. Clean wholesome school spirit and all that.

I was at a restaurant with the family and they were showing a national cheerleading competition on TV with dozens of highschools represented.

I noticed that cheerleading has turned into dry humping, hip hop grinding, and simulated sexual intercourse.

No fucking way would I let my daughters get on a stage and do that shit. Has our society really become that desensitized to children behaving this way? The coaches and instructors that develop these routines should be taken out and whipped.

My nephew is in highschool so I asked him if cheerleaders really do that suggestive dancing at his school. He said yes and many of last years graduating class are now working in titty bars. WTF???
.....................................................................................

Jackie and Dunlap have a guest from AIG that wants his bonus (NSFW)

Bullshit IV

Ever since I got cable TV, I've been addicted to all the various history, science and military channels. It's like crack. Guy stuff... like space ships, sunken treasure, fighter jets and tanks 24 hours a day. I can't get enough of this shit.


But lately these TV cocksuckers have been fucking me out of countless hours of my life and don't even have the goddamned common courtesy to give me a reach around.


There was this one 2 hour special where they were looking for a royal treasure lost off the coast of Scotland in the 1600s. Cool I thought! So for two hours they used their rovers and magnotometers and floating electronic butt plugs to search for this sunken ship full of treasure.

As the show dragged on I was thinking..surely they found something...as it got to 1:45 into the program I began screaming at the TV...."Oh you mother fuckers! You didn't find shit did you? Goddammnit!! They just had 80,000 feet of film footage that they needed to unload. To me this is the worst kind of bullshit. Now I try to google these shows before I get fucked over.


The great Bigfoot mystery. How many fucking shows can they do of these assholes traipsing through the woods looking for this elusive creature...no new photos, no new fucking evidence and not even a sodding dried up piece of Yeti shit.

They have a new bigfoot documentary about every other month. Fool me once you sons of bitches ok fool me 19 times I'm not watching any more of your fucking bullshit shows until you show footage of Sasquatch spanking off in the godamn bushes...no better yet I want to see bigfoot come out into the clearing, smash in your worthless skulls and drink your brains. I am owed that at the very least for all the bullshit documentaries you've put on TV for the last 30 years.


SETI Search for extra terrestrial intelligence.

This takes the cake for bullshit... they have these motherfucking gargantuan radio telescopes that they point into the heavens to listen for radio signals from aliens. Ohh sounds interesting you say? ITS FUCKING PATHETIC. Some asshole sits in a goddamned bunker for 30 years listening to static in between scrubbing pigeon shit out of the radio dish and....thats it. They have never had a fucking signal. So I say cut your losses already moron! The little green men aren't talking or they use something other than radio waves... You've been sitting on your ass for your entire career and haven't heard shit!. Why would you stay? ALF isn't going to call, you aren't going to be famous so go home, drop a shitload of acid and talk to some real fucking aliens.

Random stuff

My oldest daughter and I were dragging branches and junk to the curb in the rain,for the bi-annual city brush collection. All of the sudden, a big ford F250 pickup full of young kids comes racing down the street at a high rate of speed. My subdivision has no outlet so there is no reason for them to be using this small residential street for a race track.

I was pissed. So I sent my daughter inside and was about to confront these pricks when all of the sudden they came racing back the other way back towards me. I saw they had their windows down and were laughing and carrying on as they sped toward me.

Just as they passed I yelled "SLOW DOWN!!" Apparently my voice carried just right and flew like a sonic bullet right into the drivers side window.

It scared the driver so badly that he lost control of the truck for a second and nearly took out a street sign. They took off again and I could hear them yelling I'm ok! fuck that dude! oh shit!

I think I'm going to invest in one of those spike strips.

I think more and more I'm turning into that old man who says "get outta my yard"

Here are some funnies

From the WTF files

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,509506,00.html

A mother is appealing for women to have sex with her adopted Down syndrome son. Lucy Baxter, of Abingdon, Oxfordshire in southern England, says she will even pay for a prostitute so he can lose his virginity.
The mother has now set up a Web page for her son, Otto, appealing for potential dates to come forward.
Baxter has three other adopted sons with Down syndrome and works with Mencap, the U.K.'s leading charity for people with disabilities.
"I'd like all my boys to find love and enjoy sex," she said. "I always look at what other people are doing and why shouldn't they do the same things?

Honestly folks, I feel bad for the kid, but when your mom is picking out your play date it just strikes me as weird and creepy. Plus maybe she doesn't realize that once Otto gets a taste of the errrm...goods he will want more and more.

Is Mrs Baxter going to have to call "Acme Escorts"whenever her son having horny time? What about all the skeezy hookers parading through her house?

I mean..come on I don't think she thought this through. Just buy the kid one of those inflatable suckee suzee dolls and tell him to have at it.

Or am I just being mean?

Christ, it's been 4 months...

Hell, I'm not sure what to say.

The last few months have been like a blur. Today was the first time I checked my Email since November.

Everytime I thought about doing a post, It never got any further than that.

Mostly I've been focusing on family and spending all my spare time with the kids. The Wife's career is keeping her busy almost 24/7 so I'm trying to support her the best I can.

As for Economic bullshit....Fuck a duck.. pretty much everything we've saved and invested in for the last 15 years has been wiped out. I'm doing a lot of conserving and rearranging to minimize the damage best I can.

It gets a little depressing but then I stop and look around and realize what is really important.

I've changed quite a bit since this whole political/economic downturn started happening.

I'm reinventing myself once again to suit my personal morality and this fucked up environment. I'm not sure many people will understand so I'll hash it out in later posts. Let's just say My perpetual idealism has just been flushed down the toilet. I'm a realist now and must remain that way.

I apologize for disappearing for so long without a word, it was not my intention. I just shut down.

We'll see if I can build up some steam and get a fresh start.