New bikes and other stuff
I went out and bought my daughters their first bikes the other day. We got in the store, tried out a few and they both said, "no thanks dad can we have another tricycle?" I had them ride around the store a little and let them pick out their favorite color and whatever cartoon character happened to be plastered all over it.
My son wanted to do the bike rodeo for his school so I bought the horn and lights they they required.
We got home and the girls got to riding with training wheels right away. They are finally big enough to reach the pedals on one of the smallest bikes. They did pretty good but turning and stopping were the major issues. Over steering was the culprit that bloodied a couple of elbows and knees. Like little troopers, they sniffed up their tears and kept riding.
I put my son's bike back together and adjusted the seat for him. He's 10 now and growing like a weed. They all rode around till dark and didn't want to come in for dinner. Can't say I blame them, riding my bike used to be my number one pastime.
The kids behavior is getting better, less destroying stuff, less lying, less cursing and calling their brother a fucking bitch for no good reason other than to be mean.
People click their tongue at me when I get after the girls for cussing. They think there is no possible way that filthy language comes out of those precious little girls.
Ha! The adoption paperwork I recently received noted that their first words were bitch, ass and fuck. How lovely is that?
They are coming along fine though. I can't complain. They are actually very kind and nurturing overall which is surprising from reading how little they got before their adoption.
My oldest girl is doing things that are kind of wacky for a 7 year old, I think. The other morning she painted her face with tooth paste and stuck a bunch of toothbrushes in her hair with more toothpaste.
The next day I caught her eating dog food. The youngest went streaking because she thought it would be funny.
Dad does not think that shit is funny.
I'm working on teaching them impulse control. I tell them: "ok you are about to do something, stop right there. You have to think about it first and decide if your actions are going to make daddy happy or pissed off. If you imagine me pissed off you probably should come talk to me before proceeding further."
I think I'm getting through to them little by little.
Parenthood is complicated shit
posted by Bill Rowland @ April 30, 2007
41 Comments
41 Comments:
I hear ya! What is it in kids to have a distructive nature in them? I got rid of a sofa recently because my youngest has a fascination with pouring liquid on anything so I get a faux leather one for the time being for general cleanliness reasons and last night when sitting on the sofa it felt like I had peed myself from the back, upon inspection there was a river of juice in the ravine where the seat of the sofa met the back support. The only option now is to stand over her with her drinks all the time. Thats just one of the many many incidences of the trials that Im experiencing - another 20 odd years ahead of me I have of it so Im told.
"Parenthood is complicated shit", not always, the other side is bright and lovely, and they end really beautifully, most of them, anyway.
Boy, you ain't whistlin' Dixie, Hammer! You think it's bad NOW, wait till the girls get to be 13...
My youngest daughter used to streak through the house everytime we had company. She was 2 or 3. Skinny as a rail with almost no butt, she'd come buzzing through. We didn't make a big deal of it, and she gave it up pretty soon.
I had to laugh when you said "calling their brother a fucking bitch for no good reason".
When I had my very first blog, I wrote a post about my oldest daughter's cursing. Someone told me I should be ashamed. Guess what? I'm not. Not at all. Everyone needs to express themselves and sometimes "fuck" is the only word that will do.
Hey dady Hammer ... Didn't you understand that your 7 years old freshened her face with a "face-mask" and "dyed" her hair???
That is such a huge thing you are doing... but even I can't imagine the work that is involved to unravel something that is so tightly twisted.
I have seen people take on some of the same challenges you are, but never really rise to the occassion so to speak. It's good to hear you are making progress.
I'm going to write Dear Hammer a little question that I asked in a round-about-way on a previous post....
I don't think you had enough room to answer it.
Hammer being a parent is by far the toughest job around. Oh and I hate to tell ya this, but girls are a nightmare when they hit puberty...prepare yourself!
One of my son's 1st words was damnit...I have a terrible mouth and so does my fiance. We tried very hard to control the foul language, but damnit stayed. I end up saying alot of "Damnit Donovan!" and low and behold, he says back when he is frustrated, "damnit ma!" Its is not a good thing, but I do enjoy it...it makes me laugh. You are being such a great dad! You must have the patience of a Saint!
Your girls are lucky to have you. Makes you just want to go whack their mother though.
The toothpaste thing bothers me. I could be wrong but it feels a little self-mutilating somehow. If I'm right, I'm not sure anger is necessarily the best response - it may only support her bad feelings for herself. I wonder, if you catch her doing something similar or pinching herself or whatever - don't yell, hug her instead, hold her until she relaxes and tell her how important she is, how much you love her. And then that she shouldn't do things like that - she should come for a hug instead.
Sometimes people do bad things because they don't feel lovable.
That doesn't mean you never punish her by any stretch - you have to be discerning - this instance just sounds like one of those times. I know I sometimes got those vibes from my kids.
I think you have a good approach Mr H - but I also think that any approach in the bounds of sanity is OK - what kids need is consistency. So either swearing isn't allowed. Period. Or some words are OK - others forbidden. Period. No negotiation or inconsistency. Same with most things I think - kids could be raised as Muslims or Catholics atheists or Jews and still all be happy as each other if they have firm love and reliable consistent attention.
I am teaching (or at least trying to) my stepsons the same thing... the first thought that comes into your head is always the wrong thing to do or say.
The oldest one (will be 15 in Sept) is testing me on how far I will let him go with the curse words. And as long as he knows that there is a time and place not to do it (which he seems to) then I am pretty lax on it.
I can't help you much on the important stuff, but I can help on getting them riding without training wheels--Lower the seat until they can touch the ground with their feet flat or almost, and take the pedals off. (Remember the left pedal screws backwards) Let them scoot around like that for a few weeks. Put the pedals back. Chances are they will be able to ride, if not take the pedals off again for a while longer. That's all it takes.
I made my kids be good, period, We didn't swear much at home and they didn't either.
Not that it seems to matter much, after they leave home, life out there screws them all up no matter how we raise them.
I'm still using an old three speed bike that I bought back in the eighties. Do you do any biking?
i think streaking is fairly normal, in loving homes where the kid is allowed to think for themselves.
I think it happens in most families i mean.
My brother went for a streak when he was the same age and he turned out totally normal and fine.
the other one, (with the toothpaste) if the same one that did the magic marker face painting, may have a career in professional makeup application. I would get her one of those paint on the face and do the hair life size Barbie doll heads, if they still make them, they are fun, and she really may turn out to be the worlds best cosmetologist??!!
Oh Hammer Hammer. You are in some trouble with these kids. Nothing bad of course. May I ask did you adopt them as babies? That is a question you dont have to answer if you dont want to or e-mail me with that one. How many kids do you have anyway. I counted 3 but got the feeling you were talking about four.
You know my youngest streaks too so dont feel bad and she is only going to be 3 in June. I am trying to teach them not to do that. Kora has gotten better of that but every so often she forgets and she is six.
I need to get Kora bigger bike. the one we bought for her b-day is too big so we have to retrace our steps and get her one a size smaller.That is ok.
bless you for taking them in. most people would have turned and run in the other direction.
fucking bitch huh? because it's so odd to hear that come out of a childs mouth I think I get nervous and almost burst out laughing. Luckily the worst my 4 year old has said is "dammit". I won't lie and say it wasn't me because I use that word quite often, but that's pretty much the extent of my cursing (and hers apparently).
when I bought my daughter her first bike she wanted her tricycle back the first time she fell off. Turning sure does take a lot of coordination, but she does have the stopping part down.
this is the easy bit. LOL
Greeks are very pragmatic about swearing kids.If they are too young to understand the meaning no offence is taken.
I was BORN into a family of regular , calm sane people ..and I was always the sister that would do something crazy..and cursed like a fiend ( still do that)
good luck though ..
jesus , I'd never want to go through that again.
and girls ?
forget it..
I have one..I'd rather have my ovaries on a stick than have more than one.
judith: Yeah they've ripped the shit out of the house, I'm waiting till this phase is over before I fix everything ;)
kitem: Yeah, I know we'll get there eventually :)
melodyann: I'm glad the streaking isn't too much to be worried about, I would probably laugh if they cursed correctly but they are just using it to lash out.
kirsten: hehe yeah I figured it was something like that :)
ryan: Well the situation will unravel or my brain will ;) Looking forward to your question.
mrsjosegoldbloom: Oh crap, well I need to shore myself up.
jenny: thanks, I'm trying to keep my patience but I usually react when they push my buttons.
jeannie: We had an episode of self pinching and hitting, luckily their mom did exactly what you reccomended.
mutley: exactly. We have firm rules in place and everytime a rule is broken there are consequences. Without that approach I may as well go live in a zoo.
snowmanpoop: a 15 year old I would let say damnit and an occasional shit if they earned the privlege ;)
sevesteem: thanks for visiting :) That is a great idea! I will try it out as soon as it stops raining :)
bbc: we do what we can then let nature take its course. I used to bike but it made my nether regions feel like they were hit with a cheese grater. I'm looking to try again with some other kind of seat.
infini: I think she was mimicing makeup, she's actually quite good but has no interest in her barbie head. I need to find her a creative outlet for that sort of thing.
tweety I've got 3 6,7 and 10 I got the girls when they were each 4 and my son when he was 2. They have come a long way but I have really high expectations. glad to hear streaking isn't abnormal.
pinkangel: they don't cuss in front of me but they do it to each other then admit to it later.
cathy : all they know is it is a hurtful thing to say not the real meaning. They use words like weapons unfortuantely.
cynnie: thanks for visiting :) It's tough but rewarding when I see their smiling faces and they tell me I'm the best dad. At other times it's frustrating as hell.
It saddens me that those precious little girls heard those words so much as babies that they said them first.
Our son had severe impulse control problems, a common TS problem, when he was younger. We handled it the same way you are: STOP and THINK! By the time he was 13, he could control himself 90% of the time. Hang in there!
That is a good thing to do Hammer. I will say one thing though. Even though J and I have our own two I would like to adopt or get registered for foster care when the girls are older. Not now because its rough on kids in the house to have to deal with problem kids as most people see them but if you can give them a loving home they will see its easier. I need to do a few things with our house first and see how things go in the near future. Foster care can be challenging and up in the air so I guess we will just have to wait and see what life brings us. Thanks for sharing there ages with me.
I looked out the window one day and my daughter was taking a leak in the front yard. I asked her why she did it and she replied that it was boring in the bathroom.
I couldn't argue with that but suggested that she use the back yard in the future.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to take a leak, while I'm admiring the apple tree. :-)
awwww. I always find it so sweet, minus the problems and cussing. I think you're a great dad and doing brilliantly. Teaching your girls to cycle is gonna be yet another one of your proudest moments. sigh. so cool.
this is why I have a dog and not a kid. ;-) I admire parents, I really do.
i think that was my favorite BBC comment so far.
tshsmom: I'm glad that method is effective. It's hard to tell at times.
tweety: foster care is roug and once you get registered they will be bringing you anything and everything at all times of the night. Then many you have to let go back to the horrid place they came from. I don't have the heart or stomach for foster care. I get too attached.
BBC: that's about the right wayto handle it. I wasn't nearly as understanding when my daughter peed in the compost pile. she knew it was wrong and tried to hide the wet underwear.Toilet training was a big issue for quite some time.
la cremiere: thanks, I think I appreciate the little events a lot more than my parents did with me.
janet: dogs are kids too :)
infini: Mine as well. BBC has a different sort of mind. Never know what your gonna get :)
Well, your kids didn't start out with June and Ward Cleaver, so to me, it sounds like you're doing as good as anyone possibly could.
Kids flat out love to smear things on themselves. I think Kirsten's right, she was wearing a beautifying mask and dying her hair.
Again, they're probably better off with a strong willed couple who have been there, done that, than a wide-eyed and innocent couple.
They probably spend half their time wondering how you knew what they were thinking.
We have 1 daughter- Jackie aka the AntiChrist. She is also adopted, and she knows it. Everything I know about parenting I learned from her...It sucks...LOL. But parenting is not for wimps!
You'll survive. Mine has called me the Ugly Other Mother, and that I am not her real mother and of course my husband is not her real father. blah, blah, blah, -And just think were so proud of her because she was an early talker. Now we can't shut her up..8 yo btw. Jackie love bikes and SCOOTERS. Did I mention she wants, she wants, she wants, heelies, new skates, IPod, drivers license, credit cards, cell phone????
We adopted domestically from the Gift of Life in Pinellas Park Fl.
OK enough of the bio....
Very cool. I remember rearning myself. Lots of time with the training wheels, and then you're free to roam. Wonderful times.
hmmer-at least I can put the dog in a cage when he's irritating the crap out of me! ;-)
I used to squeeze whole tubes of toothpaste into the sink..just because I wanted to see how much was inside. I also always wanted to spray a whole can of cream into a pile but never got around to that.. hey I just realised I'm not a kid anymore and I could totally do this without getting into trouble!! woo.
How long ago did you adopt? I think about adoption from time to time. Obviously not now..but in the future if I was married.. It's a hard thing to do, but I'm sure it must be so wonderful too.
We weren't even allowed to say butt. They will grow out of it.
I'll never forget my little guy (around the age of four) come streaking into the living room, threw his legs apart, and started "playing his guitar" as he called it...
I told him..."honey, it's okay to play your guitar but you need to play it in YOUR room"
jam: you're probably right, I'm always trying to read a lot into what they do for fear of them needing weed out destructive behaviors.
debbie: Wow that is rough. My oldest used to say things like that when she would have a tantrum but whe she thought about it she would apologize.
fhb: Bikes give tons of freedom or at least the feeling of it.
janet: lol I send em to the corner no bars though ;)
m: you're a rebel lol I adopted from the state a little over two years ago. I couldn't see paying $40,000 to a baby broker at some agency.
carrie: god I hope so :)
robin: LMAO guitar? That is one creative kid!
That kind of behavior is "wacky"? But I did stuff like that! Okay, in retrospect, maybe that's what tipped people off that something wasn't "normal" about me. I think it'll be a very, very long time before we really understand why the human brain works the way it does. But we do know life experiences can change the coding and switch around the wiring... especially if one can't cope well with those experiences. Those girls have been through things no one should have to go through, and children aren't supposed to be able to cope. That's why they have adults around. The good thing is that they have you to fix the problem. Just by loving them and setting an example for how to be a decent person, you're rewiring things and rewriting the programming. You don't have to be an expert, or a superhero... just being Dad is even better.
nyx: you are entirely correct. I rack my brain constantly to read into their behaviors and be their shrink, dad and protector.
No one said parenting was easy. You sound like you are doing great.
I think the toothpaste thing is funny, lol. My kids did crazy stuff like that too. One of my sons used to smear deodorant all over his entire body, they have all eaten dog food and my daughter used to stick Nesquik cereal up her nose. Then she would sneeze and get all excited, running around showing everyone her chocolate boogers. Eww!
Parenthood is INDEED complicated shit!!! Yours even more complicated by idiots before you! Still, I thought the picture of your daughter with toothbrushes in her hair was very funny!!!!! Do you think there is a song in there???? You could tell me all the crazy things they have done (really crazy ones, like that!! ;) and I could put them in a "Crazy Things" Song!!
I need some inspiration at the mo.....
(((Hammer))) I had to laugh reading your post and these comments. Last week at work I had a child between 2 and 3 lift up her skirt & chime out 'Yay! I gotta doll. I do the booty dance.' Her mother seemed mortified & I was just tickled. I think all kids cuss a bit & try to see just exactly where the buttons are. From the outside looking in, I think you are doing a commando job, balancing humor with discipline & compassion with realization. Furthermore, I think your girls will pull through fine & surprise you in their teens.
rose: thanks :)
groovy: I guess I have it pretty easy :)
kb: lol will do! That's a great idea :)
skinnylittleblonde: thanks, Man I would be mortified too if they did that. I make them wear bloomers just in case they get any flashing ideas :)
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