The floppy thing

I figured my mom would be a better grandparent than a mother as is usually the case. Mom's wife/life partner was a good sort so I really didn't worry about my son going over to spend the night every so often. He always came back in a good mood so gradually let my guard down.


Then all of the sudden Grandma's weekend came and went a few times, I called and she said she was really busy. No big deal. My son has other grandparents, plus aunts and uncles to keep him entertained.

I didn't hear from my mother for quite some time...nothing ever surprised me with her but my kid was asking where she was and if she was ok.

Then out of the blue my son who was 4 years old at the time asks me "Dad.. is grandma not coming over because of my dream?" "What dream?" I asked. "About the floppy thing" He replied, as if that was supposed to mean something to me.

I urged him to tell me about his dream. He said, "I had a dream that I went into grandma's and Bridgette's room and found their big floppy thing.

"A dream?" I prodded, "How do you know it was a dream?" Then my son tells me," because Grandma told me it was."

I gave him a hug and told him that grandma was busy and his dream had nothing to do with her staying away.

Damn, I hate lying to the kid.

So I figger he found their big fat foot long double dong dildo and took it out to the living room and showed it to grandmas friends and neighbors who were stopping by for coffee.

Then for some reason she is mortified that I will find out about her humping the meat substitute with her wife.

The bitch used to have me sell chocolate penis candies to her friends for Christ sake!

Back in the day, I would walk in from school and my mother would be watching porno's in the living room with her friends. "Hold on son I'll help you with your long division after this guy blows his money shot up this chicks nose."

Arrgh now she's fucking Mary Poppins? ... come to think of it she probably would.

Well kids are resiliant, but I hold a grudge. This Christmas my mom is getting "King Dong" and a case of lube sent to her special delivery.