My dad should have stayed single.

On the surface my dad's second wife is nurturing, supportive and involved. They used to work together and for a while it seemed that she worshipped the ground he walked on.

After my parents got divorced,"Samantha" and my dad worked togther 70 hours a week. It didn't take too long until they started dating and before I knew it... they had set a wedding date.

I saw Samantha as driven, pushy, nosy and overbearing but I figured as long as she was treating my dad ok, it was none of my business.

My wife and I set up a wedding reception for my dad and Samantha, and took them to Las Vegas with us as a wedding present. As soon as we arrived at the hotel Samantha immediately became too relaxed. I got to hear about their sexual positions and what kind of pornos they watched together....this was a little too much for me. Weird and scary. I didn't want those pictures in my head.

This type of behavior went on and got worse. I became her confidante every time my father pissed her off. Samantha was great at making up outlandish stories about my dad. At first I would be extremely concerned when she told me that my father had rolled his pickup and attacked 4 police officers in a drunken rage. When I would speak to him face to face dad would tell me that he slid into a fence on a wet road and a cop let him use his cell phone to call a tow truck.

Samantha would make these crazy phone calls every so often and each one would be more unbelievable than the last. I finally stopped listening when she told me that dad and three other Vietnam Vets had beat her up, barricaded themselves on his ranch with several machine guns, three cases of scotch and were in the middle of an armed stand off.

Surely this would have made the news....

These stories would continue even when my dad was sitting right in front of me. Samantha would say to my dad, "Tell your son about when you were playing Russian Roulette last night" He rolled his eyes and said "We were watching the deer hunter last night Samantha...."

I soon learned to ignore her follies, until one Christmas, we were all sitting at the dinner table when she began telling us about her best friend who had a hysterectomy gone wrong and could no longer reach climax. I didn't like where this story was going. She went on ...about her friend dating men with bigger and bigger johnsons until finally out of desperation Samantha and her friend went to the donkey farm where you pay to have sex with animals. I'm all for a good story but I tend to prefer my Christmas dinner with mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. Instead I got to hear about some lady getting slammed by a donkey.

I thought the donkey story was going to be the climax of the afternoon. I was sadly mistaken. Samantha was loving the attention her stories were getting from her guests. So she went on, talking to my dad this time, "Remember that Chinese restaurant you used to like so much? The owners were gay and they masturbated into your food" My dad finally had enough. "Shut the fuck up!" he yelled across the table. "Nobody wants to hear your crazy babbling"

This sent her off in a new direction..."well remember that time you had sex with that transvestite?"At this point I had enough. I calmly told Samantha that I could no longer sit there at Christmas dinner and listen to her disgusting fabrications. Luckily, she stopped before things got any worse.

I've decided that she is a mentally disturbed pathological liar with paranoid delusions or some kind of brain damage in the memory part of her brain.

Out of respect for my dad I just keep my mouth shut and go check on him myself whenever there is any question to what is going on

One thing's for sure....he sure knows how to pick em.