Disturbing ads
Am I the only one noticing this trend?
There are 3 major things that are being pushed right now.
Colon Cleanse. "You have 7 years of waste backed up in your colon" "Most people lose 15 pounds after a good Roto cleanse" "Feeling tired and full of shit? Try Butt Unblocker 3000!"
An example: Click this link at your own risk
You know, if I really felt I had 15 pounds of shit trapped in me I would probably start eating more salads. Who in the hell would want to buy some dubious chemical off the internet, drink it and drop a 15 pound pile of butt hash? That would take midwife and an episiotomy! These ads are fucking everwhere. Are Americans really so full of shit that we need 80 different products to help us honk out a dirt snake? I seriously doubt it.
Teeth whitening. The ad shows some gangly looking teeth that look like they could eat an apple through a chain link fence and the after picture looks like it came from the Osmonds. Buying caustic teeth whitener off the internet is another fools errand and I REALLY don't want to see a bunch of fucked up looking disembodied mouths gaping at me from the side of my computer screen.
Acai berry This shit is supposed to cure everything from the common cold, erectile dysfunction, cankles up through weight loss and raising the dead. Sounds like snake oil to me. $40 for a dose of freeze dried berries that when prepared look like a pile of dolphin shit?
I did some reasearch to find out what acai berries tasted like and found this review:
"At my neighborhood health food store I had a choice of a few
acai berry blends...none cheap! I grabbed a few tetra boxes and ran home to
toast to our new found healthy lifestyle. The juice poured thickly and looked
more mauve than purple. I split the contents of one tetra box into 2 thick
bottomed Mexican water glasses and handed one to my partner and grinned
expectantly for her reaction.
"Bleck", she squeaked. I was puzzled, " Bleck!
What do you mean bleck? What does bleck mean?" She screwed up her mouth and said "bleck, it tastes blecky". "
There you go.. tastes bleck... finally... an honest appraisal.
posted by Bill Rowland @ April 05, 2009
30 Comments
30 Comments:
Amazing,ain't it.I especially like all the diet pills,plans and special food,along with the various exercise equipment,and workout videos that are demonstrated by guys and gals who were never fat in their life,and to use the equipment properly.you'd have to be a pro ball player or gymnast.You can avoid that colon cleaner,just eat you a bate of black beans & rice,some nice greasy chicken nachos,washed down with a six-pack of mils best,and you'll be seeking amodium AD,instead of a colon cleanser. White teeth,just brush em with Ajax,but rinse well after. And "Bleck" oh so right.
Ha. Y'know I have found this revolutinary way to lose weight. Eat less, and exercise more. Yeah, I know...No one is gonna buy that. Cheers Hammer!!
I don't believe that shit.
Hammer-
Can we send some of the colon cleanse to Congress? Are they not completely full of shit?
Just when I think the diet industry is on it's last legs ... that no one could possibly come up with any more unbelievable claims ... shit happens.
The most recent ads that I just started seeing this past weekend are for catheters. "Don't reuse your catheters" (well, no shit), "buy our mega-box of disposable catheters".
Uh, aren't ALL catheters disposable? That would be like reusing a condom. WTF?
And pleeeeease, not while I'm eating. Put these commercials on at like 2-4AM.
What kills me is that these "ground breaking" colon cleansers are primarily the same thing as metamucil or whatever no-name brand you can find of psyllium husk aka: fibre. They point to the likes of John Candy as an example of someone dying with pounds of crap stuck to their intenstines. But he was twice the man he should have been and didn't get there by eating right. What's worse is the enema gone wild type of colon cleansing going on - that just can't be healthy. Nature never intended us to have to do that!
Every body wants a magic pill to fix what they have wrong so they don't have to use any discipline in life to be healthy.
For a while I was gettin' this e-mail everyday from some chick name Hilda who claimed she could guarantee me she could make my dick two inches longer! I always deleted that e-mail as soon as I saw it...I knew damn well if sweetthing saw it she would want to know who the hell Hilda wuz and how did she know how long my dick wuz...there oughta be a law!
Diller: I should market a version of that colon cleanse, a plate of jalepeno chili and a 12 pack of budweaser.
matt-man: Maybe if you gave it a cool name people would buy it ;)
Wreggie: Literally ;)
Michelle: they would disappear completely...not a bad idea.
dana: for some more than others ;)
DanO: Oh crap I had better throw away that pile of catheters I've been saving ;)
Jeannie: Yep I noticed that the small print showed the same ingedient. I guess they just shove a bucketfull into each dose. I guess as long as there are people there will be snake oil salesmen.
GuyK: Damn! Hilda was two timing me! I thought she meant she was going to get the wrinkles out.
LOL!!!
I like ugly pictures but you have completely found fugly assed pictures.
WHO on earth would hold that colon afterbirth looking piece of crap anyway?
I commend you.
Yup there is no end to the rubbish being peddled on the internet, they just don't go door to door any more with a cart.
Anyway, on the health front with your diet I don't think you and yours have anything to worry about.
Cheers
I'm rubs Bleck's Projectile Enhancer on mine wockets before every launch!
Great Reader KIM Jong IL
DickTator, Norf Korea
I hear a colon cleanser commercial on the radio every day that claims that "gets rid of the 5 to 25 pounds of food that SOME experts say are trapped in our colons like spackle."
I kid you not, like "spackle."
Ever since that guy in one of those Eddie Murphy movies that said ever adult has 5 pounds of undigested meat in their colon, people have been saying things like this as if they are true.
What a bunch of hokey.
The only things that I believe are true are that the Sham-Wow really works and that OxyClean "powers" out stains. I've never used a Sham-Wow or OxyClean, but they must really work. (wink, wink)
Since you're back to blogging, I can keep adding to The List! "Honk out a dirt snake" will be the latest entry.
Someday, that list will be long enough to publish an entire book of ways you taught me to say "take a shit".
Love, absolutely love, your descriptive side! I'm with the one above about the "Dirt snake" too -never heard that one before but I'll have to remember that one! LOL
You're right on target though about how idiotic some of these ad campaigns are -the one about the woman who had to reuse her catheters really is mind-boggling to me. How and why would anyone do that anyway?
Admiral: hehe now I'm glad I just linked to them..they are pretty nasty.
Maddy: I figure if one can recognize what comes out they should be ok.
Jihad gene: Makes them go further ;)
JAM: I almost forgot the spackle commercial..geeze..and the shamwow dude he's going the way of the dell dude after his latest escapades.
Kelly: I'm glad to be of service ;D
Jeni: I want to find that poor woman and buy her some catheters lol
Why do I always have to click on the links that warn me to do so at my own risk?
Why oh why oh why?
LMFAO @ midwife and an episiotomy
i'm sick to tears of the reptile malfunction ads on television...of course they're not as offensive as our current potus' affliction for hogging up the tube at every turn.
Epijunky: hehe you too huh?
Cheesy: I was wondering if someone would catch that ;)
Nanc: I would watch an enzyte guy marathon before an O'bummer speech.
Ok hammer Damnit. I WAS eating a cheese stick. not now.
snowmanpoop: You clicked the link didn't you? ;D
I agree, this stuff is not necessary for life. It never ceases to amaze me what new snake oil people will come up with, and what people will buy.
Whoa...
That's some nasty shit...
Are Americans really so full of shit that we need 80 different products to help us honk out a dirt snake?
Well, they did elect Obama ...
Janet: I would try snake oil first lol
H2o: You ain't lyin.
mts: HA! Good point.
I know you posted a warning about clicking on the link. I couldn't resist and now I feel nauseous. I can't believe those adds actually help promote sales. That's disgusting!
man.
I get the Hard-On Pill spam CONSTANTLY.
yup.
never even tried to research one. nope.
B-\
--------
You remember back when it was nothin' but tampon commercials everywhere? Now it's boner pills and ass cleansing. Nasty!
Hmm,
Turgid is my only thought.
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