I tend to piss people off
I try to be a considerate person. However me being considerate tends to piss people off. I try to put myself in the other guy's shoes when I'm out in public. Here are some examples:
I have to pick up my kids from school on a residential street. A couple of the houses do not have driveways and the owners have to park their cars on the street. I make it a point not to park my car where the residents normally park, not block in their cars, park in front of driveways or abandon my vehicle in the middle of the road (like everyone else)
I don't do any of these things but my non participation really throws off the flow of all the inconsiderate assholes. They like to shoot me dirty looks, honk at me or pull up inches from my vehicle to try and intimidate me into moving out of their way.
I don't break traffic laws. I don't speed in residential neighborhoods where kids play, I don't run red lights, or speed through school zones. Me being a good citizen is really bad for the blood pressure of the poor soccer mom driving behind me who is texting with one hand and shooting the finger at me with the other.
When standing in line I don't press myself up against the person in front of me and invade their personal space just so the person behind me can move up an extra inch. Last time I checked, rubbing your crotch on the person in front of you does not make the line go faster and can lead to getting ones ass kicked.
If you are waiting behind me, blocking traffic while trying to get my parking space as I load groceries into my vehicle, don't mouth obscenities, wave your arms or rev your engine at me..it just distracts me and makes me move MUCH slower than normal.
I'm such an asshole...
I have to pick up my kids from school on a residential street. A couple of the houses do not have driveways and the owners have to park their cars on the street. I make it a point not to park my car where the residents normally park, not block in their cars, park in front of driveways or abandon my vehicle in the middle of the road (like everyone else)
I don't do any of these things but my non participation really throws off the flow of all the inconsiderate assholes. They like to shoot me dirty looks, honk at me or pull up inches from my vehicle to try and intimidate me into moving out of their way.
I don't break traffic laws. I don't speed in residential neighborhoods where kids play, I don't run red lights, or speed through school zones. Me being a good citizen is really bad for the blood pressure of the poor soccer mom driving behind me who is texting with one hand and shooting the finger at me with the other.
When standing in line I don't press myself up against the person in front of me and invade their personal space just so the person behind me can move up an extra inch. Last time I checked, rubbing your crotch on the person in front of you does not make the line go faster and can lead to getting ones ass kicked.
If you are waiting behind me, blocking traffic while trying to get my parking space as I load groceries into my vehicle, don't mouth obscenities, wave your arms or rev your engine at me..it just distracts me and makes me move MUCH slower than normal.
I'm such an asshole...
posted by Bill Rowland @ April 02, 2009
38 Comments
38 Comments:
We need more assholes like you I think.
AZZHOE'S ARE US!!!
The only places where politeness gets other motorists killed are at merges on the highway. Keep driving, dammit! Let the merger figure it out. If they're too stupid to understand simple physics, let them die, not the poor slob behind you.
The one place where chivalry totally doesn't serve its purpose is at a 4-way stop. If everyone would just follow the yield-to-the-right protocol, I could die happy.
:o)
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Road Rant.
I am sooo loving that LOLDriver!
I guess our schools didn't have quite the same traffic congestion...I did turn around in an old guy's driveway once and he went apeshit on me.
I'm the same way.
It takes me FOREVER to return the shopping cart when some ass is trying to push me out of my parking space. Sometimes I walk the cart all the way back inside the store.
I will also write down, and report to the police, the license number of the hockey mom that passes me on the 2-lane street in front of the school and damned near hits a kid in the crosswalk. I'm a real bitch that way. ;)
Oh hammer I'm with you. the school parking thing pisses me off.
If I'm in a store, and someone moves up real close to me or bumps me with their cart in line. I will move their cart or them myself. I'm rude that way.
If I'm loading my groceries and someone honks or revs, and blocks traffic, I will even get in my car and just sit there. So they can't get the spot, but as soon as they pass, I will back out and let the next person have it. hahahahhha
I'm a bitch that way.
And to think, these people you are pissing off are responsible for shaping the minds of young children. This country is screwed.
Admiral: thanks, I need to start recruiting some more.
Jihad Gene: Exactly
Joan: that is another one that is total suckage to be behind and dangerous too.
Jeannie: Yep the residents hate that shit lol
tshsmom: You know exactly how to do it!
Burfica: I do that at the mall. I'm surprised I haven't been shot at yet lol
Terri: I think the same thing when I see Obama stickers all over their cars...coincidence?
As am I Mr Hammer.
You should keep a gun in your glove box for times like these. :)
Hammer, afraid its the sign of the times. Rudeness replaced manners,impatience replaced courtesy and on and on. Keep up your routine,it might rub off on some of these SO BUSY,people.
So its you!!!!!!! Just kidding..
Hehehehe! This reminds me of the church parking lot after Sunday services.
yeah im like that
I have a large 'hula hoop' zone (personal space), don't need or want strangers touching my body, my vehicle or my parking space, my cart. If only everyone would live in their own zone and respect the zone of others...the world would be a nicer place!
~AM
mutley: at least I'm in good company!
Scarlet: Just one?
Diller: It does seem that way. Most of these people are not so dickish outside of their vehicle..it's like the SUV makes them anonymous
Michelle: lol yep!
Dana: righteous in church and satanic behind the wheel...
snowmanpoop: I think I can imagine that.
airman mom: The American standard is an 18 inch bubble..I sure wish it was heeded.
take their picture while they are flipping you off. Print it out...put it on their windshield.
I dare ya.
I tend to drag ass when people ride my bumper and it really pisses them off. I can't tell you how many fingers I see in a week. BWHAHAHAHAHA...
You crowd some people's space too much you might just get shot.
I've been known to ride someone's bumper when they are going 30 mph in a 55 mph zone and there is no way to pass them. Move along or move over to the side, that's my motto.
Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth
If your an asshole then I wish the people who park in front of my house to pick up their kids from school were assholes too.
I like to pour the last of my soda out the window if someone is following too close. Especially effective if they have a convertible.
Hammer you arent an ass you are being the responsible one..
Maybe they feel that rubbing their crotch on the person in front of them DOES make the line go faster? Time flies when you're having fun.
If all that makes you an asshole, then I'm an asshole, too. You ain't alone!
Remember Hammer, If it isn't for an asshole like you, there wouldn't be shit like them....
Ooo yes. I do that too, the 'slower than normal' as well as the squeakily extra polite with benign smile. I suspect that you and I are in the same car parks. I have more stress in car parks than anywhere else in the planet and I have yet to work out why that is.
On a side note oh wise American persons, I was taught to think of a double yellow line in the middle of the road as a wall, i.e. you can't just whizz through it on a whim, is that correct?
Cheers
katherine: There should be a section in the paper for those
H20: It is satisfying to watch them bust a blood vessel. :)
Debbie: I used to do that but then I figured my insurance premiums couldn't handle them suddenly braking ;)
Barbara: I would be infuriated too if they did that stuff on my street.
Phosgene: the window washer fluid works good too :)
Tweety: thanks, I try to be a grown up these days. I see these idiots driving badly with kids all around.
choochoo: I never thought of it that way ;)
Janet: I'm in good company then :)
Flyinfox: Those damn klingons! ;)
Yes the double yellow is a wall. I don't know why this is totally ignored.
I get the finger quite often when I don't succumb to vehicular intimidation. I figure if I'm not pissing someone off, I'm not doing my job right. Fuck 'em!
i am you on steroids. if someone is glaring at me for my spot while unloading groceries, i'll get that look on my face like i forgot something, close the trunk and return to the store. of course, my car is a one of a kind in town so my reputation precedes me and they all have someone to talk about!
when that doesn't work, i'll open my mouth and show them my two-dangly uvula!
Oh yeah, and when someone gives you the one-finger salute, smile back at them. That really pisses them off even more. :-)
charlie: Yeah to me getting the finger is like gettign a hallmark card ;)
nanc: you'd think they'd learn not to mess with you by now.
EVERYDAY I go through the say thing- everyday.
Not only can they not drive, they can not park, they can not navigate and they cannot seem to remember the simple rule of taking turns entering and exiting school property.
As others mentioned above, 4-Way Stops, heck, even using it at a 3-Way Stop.
Of course, there is the one UNIVERSAL- do not imagine World Peace! Imagine and USE your turn signal (not just before you turn either)!
I have to go get my kids now...
When I see someone blocking traffic in a parking lot waiting to get my spot I'll sometimes just load up the bags and then lock up and go back in...just to piss 'em off. Especially if it is a person who is reving the engine or mouthing those curses at me. But I always smile and wave...
WP: Yep you nailed it exactly. I guess it's not just me.
GuyK: I really need to try the smile and wave thing. It sounds effective.
All of this is even more reason for open carry.
The only time I cuss other folks in traffic is when they poke along on the road. If the limit is 70, lets say, on 183 when I'm heading to work in Saba, then don't go fuckin' 55... and if you're gonna go 55 in a 70, then get over on the shoulder like you're supposed to when I zip up behind you. Had a chick goin' 45 in a 60 the other day, and it was a no pass zone. Drove me fuckin' nuts, to the point where I flipped her off as I passed her. I never do that shit. If people would just get the fuck over...
Ha! The picture is awesome.
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