This week
My son is off on a 3 day school field trip at a ranch a few counties over. This is his first time away and I can't help but worry about him. They are staying in cabins, doing hiking, boating and other fun stuff. I'm sure he's fine but I'm used to being there telling him to brush his teeth, help find his socks and tell him to stop goofing off.
Oh well.
My finger is healing up nicely. Duct tape and goldenseal powder work wonders for sealing up wounds. I'm still reluctant to unwrap it and look at the damage.
I walked outside this morning to put the trashcans on the curb and there was some lady standing in the middle of my front yard letting her golden retriever take a huge dump right there under the tree where my kids play.
It took a second for it to fully register but I saw the woman's eyes go wide when I caught her.
My first reaction was completely automatic. I yelled " What in the fucking hell do you think you are doing?!!!" I may have said bitch, I'm not sure. The dog froze in mid bowel movement and sucked the turd back into his ass. His owner took off at a high rate of speed in the opposite direction without saying a word. I know she lives right at the end of the cul-de-sac.
Maybe now I won't keep stepping on loose moose diarrea when I walk in my own yard.
I've got a couple memes to do. I'll probably get on those tomorrow.
posted by Bill Rowland @ March 13, 2008
47 Comments
47 Comments:
12 Gauge rubber Buckshot
thats all I got to say
( not for the dog )
Dang! When did you hurt your finger? I missed something?
Oh,
and now you know where to deliver any future dog bombs you find...
I would probably assume that any and all future turds came from her dog, and return them (creatively, of course) to her for proper disposal.
While I'm certain your son will be fine, it sounds as though Dad needs some help. So who/what did God send your way? Neighbour lady and dog. Here's your chance to get creative.
P.S. Goldenseal powder and duct tape? Please remove the tape...soak your finger in peroxide or warm water with salt...replace with a gauze dressing......repeat every 4 hours...........OR go to a doctor!
I would pick up and package the dog poo and deliver it to my neighbor. Gift wrapped of course.
Motion detectors for the sprinklers are a nice touch too...with a ten second delay.
That first trip away is always more scary for the parents, your lad will be just fine :)
I HATE with a passion people who let there dogs poo and dont clean it up, but to let their dog poo in someone elses garden is unforgiveable, my friend is having this trouble at the moment and she picks it up and throws it over the hedge into the owner of the dog's garden where it belongs lol..... we are just hoping that one of the throws might actually hit the owner lmfao
x
I think that's exactly what I would have yelled, also. And maybe, "Do you want that animal to continue breathing?"
I'm sure your son is fine. Go read a book.
Time to hire a pony for the next kids party and walk it to the end of the cul-de-sac for potty breaks.
Now is not the time to bring up that my son just broke his thumb on his first ski trip. Aside from being totally bummed that he can't do much on the guitar or play basketball, it was his left thumb so he can still work the Wii controller. LOL
You boy will be fine! Relax Dad.
"sucked the turd back into his ass"
OMG- only the Hammer! Remind me to show you the pics of my dog shatting and the results! Worthy of a gallery! :-) I did it just to piss off my wife!
I marvel at nature's creativity. There is a special on National Geographic about animals that can recycle fecal matter! Next time- take the (from the size of that pony) the 'doo-doo'- put it in a baggie, take that tape and kerosine off you finger and liberally apply the dog crap. It has wonderful infective properties!
Seriously- open that wound up to the air and sunshine- keep it completely dry- no neosporin or anything. Pour Peroxide on it three to four times a day and let it really bubble. Watch intently- well, because it's cool as hell- then "blot COMPLETELY" dry- darkness and moisture are your enemy!. Except Bajingoland of course! Thanks seaspray!
If sitting around leave open to air- if working cover so you won't accidentally open it up by forgetting and jamming hand in pocket etc-(reflex action and then it's too late- you dun bus it up agin.
Wanna hear how Vlad the Impaler hurt himself- this has got to be good- I'll bet it has something to do with a blonde, a rabbi and a hay baler!!
John
I hope your son has a great time and lots to tell when he gets back!
Unwrap that finger, you wimp. Half the fun is gazing at wounds. I suppose it's too much to hope for photos?
I bring a plastic bag when I walk Spot. I'm always afraid one of the neighbors will come out and yell at us, but it's been 8 years now, I think everyone knows I pick up after him. Too bad other dog owners in the neighborhood aren't as conscientious. I'm with the person who said to take the "gift" back to the dog's owner, preferably onto her porch.
Our condo association provides containers within very short distances, and plenty of bags. No matter. Even members of the board let their dogs crap anywhere.
Dogs can only be dogs. But people can be pigs.
I myself would not get creative.... just a shovel and immediatly walk it back to her yard... done!
And if you DIDN'T yell it I will.. BITCH!!!
The first time your kids leave on a trip like that is the hardest. Eventually you come to realize their not going to die if they don't brush their teeth or change their underwear.
People letting their dogs do their business in someone else's yard is my pet peeve! We have a couple regular offenders in our neighborhood.
Count Over at countrambles had a little dog craping in his yard and caughit it on film, check out the blog here on it its golden
http://countramblings.wordpress.com/2007/11/15/what-should-i-do/
On to each lawn a little shit must fall...
What the heck??? ROFL! And you had a camera with ya??? LOL Whoever really took that picture is one lucky guy to get a shot off like that! LOL
You know I had that happen to me just the other day except for the dog came down pooped on my front lawn or snowed lawn and then the car came and picked it up instead of who ever it was walking down to pick up there loose animal.
I suppose your son's crush is on the same field trip too? ;)
Our dogs will occasionally crap in someone's yard. Not a lot I can do about it, but I do carry bags on their leashes. I will pick up after them, if I don't get chased off beforehand.
i hate people that do that. Gosh let your dog poo in your own yard.. grrr
Dear Hammer,
Regretting the giant turd that came into your life.
Sincerely,
LBB
"Duct tape and goldenseal powder work wonders for sealing up wounds."
sage advice!
Back when I had a grass park strip, a neighbor walked her dog over to poop in the same area of it all of the time. It would never all melt away as a result. Once she did it right in front of me, and the bud I was out there drinking beers with mumbled a Macedonian curse against the terrier, and the problem went away. The dog had died the following week. I thought that was a bit harsh, but it DID solve the problem.
Keep the finger sealed during the day, and let it breathe at night. It'll keep the nail from fungusing up on you.
I feel your pain. My neighbor liked to let her dog dump in my yard until I drove up and caught her letting the dog piss on my brick mailbox. I walked over to her and told her point blank I better not catch your f-ing dog shit in my yard again or I'll rub your nose in it.
It worked....
Great shot and great post! I'm still laughing.
Great shot and great post! I'm still laughing.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, dude, I'm still laughing!
OMG - I'm sorry to laugh at your pain, but this post had me giggling like a maniac. Loose Moose diarrhea? Turd-sucking dog ass?
*hyperventilating*
Totally classic.
You're the best, Hammer!
we always had a next door neighbor that would bring his dog over every morning to crap in our yard. This was when I was youngers. So when my sister visited with her Rotty, we took him over every day to dump right under their tree. hahahahahaha
How incredibly rude... You should find some turds, pick them up with plastic and drop them off on her front door and porch and garden that should teach her a lesson!
LOL - That pic is priceless. I couldn't even concentrate on your first paragraph, I was laughing so hard.
I can't wait to read your memes!
We have laws here about dog turds. But I agree with Helene - take some turds and drop them at her place.
That woman is a total fucktard.
Your son is having the time of his life.
Your finger? Maybe get it looked at?
LOL!
That is one hell of a fatherly yell!!!!
HEHEHEHE
Why didn't she just carry a waste bag? THat is what I did when I walked my dog.
hope your son's learning something...like kissing girls! hehehe JUST KIDDING!!!
God, I hate people that clean up after their dogs.
So long as she cleaned the poop up you can't be mad. I am NOT a pet person, but I understand they have to "go" somewhere.
i have a permanent solution to these pesky pet problems...but, i don't want peta visiting me...
murphy's got the right idea. I read that somewhere--the offended/dumped on person was actually flinging the offending stuff through the air into the yard of the offender.
Can you imagine the visuals? A summer barbecue...and flying turds??? Yahoo.
As far as I'm concerned, a dog shitting in my yard is what BB guns are for. Otherwise, I'd let the dog finish then tell her either she can pick it up now or she'll be washing it off her windows.
BWAHAHAHAAA! This is GREAT!
BTW, Thanks for your great comments on my little baby blog. I really appreciate it! Especially given that you have SO MANY blogs to read!
I want to figure out how you link blogs that you read on your side bar like that. I'll fart around with it today and try to figure it out. Does it notify you when one of your linked blogs posts a new one?
Your son: is probably fine.. sucks when they can get along without us doesn't it?!
The bitch and her canine: she has a mailbox I trust? ;)
Your finger: no... no... no... *sigh*
Not sure how you hurt it, but be thankful it wasn't up your nose when you did (right?).
The dog sucking the turd back up...ya, that was gross. Lunch could reappear if I think about this much longer.
Not a good day to visit the ol' hammer blog, today.
Still love ya tho!
Too funny. Back when I was a kid in Missouri there was a St. Bernard down the street that was let to wander, and my mom would find it's massive turds in the garden. Like horse turds. Hilarious. Dog tried to rape me once, but that's another story.
I would have loved in a sick, twisted, funny way to see that dog suck that turd back in.
That dog owner is totally rude...it isn't the dog's fault but that lady needs a good swift kick in the ass...lol
Lol! You are too funny. I have two large dogs and am very responsible when it comes to picking up after them. I despise loser dog owners who, for reasons unknown, don't think that the rules apply to them. Some jackass with a little mutt always lets it crap in out yard too, though I've never been able to run out in time to confront him. If you know where this perpetrator lives, why not visit her yard and leave her a gift, a la 'Me, Myself and Irene' Style?
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