Finally learning.
I've found throughout my life that no good deed goes unpunished. If I ever try to help out a friend in trouble I end up getting screwed sans lube.
The time my best friend needed cash to excercise his stock options before he lost them, I lent him the money with the promise that when he sold them I would get a percentage. The company called back a month later and said they need $28,000 in tax payments for the capital gains or we had to surrender the stock certificates...
...
The time I gave one of my first girlfriends $300 so she could go on a vacation with all her female co-workers..she came back with a new boyfriend.
...
The time one of my co-workers was going to lose her job and custody of her kid because she had no car. I went and found an old car for $250, tuned it up, got it running good and told her to pay me $50 per week.
.
The next week she I noticed that she was dropped off at work, I ask her if the car broke down. She said she had been parking the car at the grocery store down the street because she didn't want her ex husband asking questions. The car was towed away...She hadn't transfered the title and had lost the receipt so the car was gone.
....I think I've finally figured it out...
...
This sick and self destructive need to do nice things wasn't going away, so I've started doing the hit and run method. People that I will never see again and who cannot make me miserable with their stupidity will be the only ones to recieve good deeds.
Things like, letting people go in front of me in line when they look like they need it.
...
Stopping to change a flat for an old lady.
...
Mowing the yard for the neighbor with the broken leg without telling him.
...
Finding lost dogs and returning the little ankle biting pieces of shit to their homes...
.
So far so good. If I get a thank you, thats even better.
Usually, I get more out being kind to people than they get from me. If that makes any sense.
posted by Bill Rowland @ August 28, 2007
36 Comments
36 Comments:
Hoping for a little gratitude can be frustrating...people feel more entitled than blessed. Screw 'em.
Let someone else be their suckers.
It's pretty cool to receive that kind of kindness too. Like when I went for the Barracuda, didn't catch shit, and got 3 free ones from a nameless stranger that just felt like giving them to me. It made my day and I feel like doing that kind of good deed now is the most rewarding. You're spot on, dude.
Hey, we do nice things actually for us..not for others...it makes us feel better and in the long run all good things will come back to you whether you're outwardly thanked or not....It's the law of the universe, what you put out there is what you get back!
Peace
From meeting you this past year and reading your site. I can tell everyone here Hammer is a good guy. Hey can I borrow $50 ;)
Since you don't really know me, can I ask you for a favor? LOL
Too bad it cost you monetarily to learn the lesson, but I believe the same way you do. Helping others is it's own reward.
Even though I was compensated for my time on the part-time fire department, it was the "thank you"'s that made it worthwhile.
It's called altruism. You're a good person, Hammer-stay that way!
Pretty sad when complete strangers are more thankful for your kindness than people who claim to care about you.
Unfortunately, I learned this lesson recently- the hard way.
It sucks
Yeah strangers get it from me too. People I know just make it not fun.
Random kindness has a way of doubling up and coming back to you.
Have you heard of the Secret Society of Serendipitous Service to Hal?
http://home.hiram.edu/hal/ssssh!!.htm
P.S. - It sucks when a well-meaning gesture is received in a less-than gracious manner. I'm sorry. Just sucks.
You're a good guy, Hammer. And whoever said Random kindness has a way of doubling up and coming back to you is right.
A super idea Hammer! I have also walked in those shoes. Now, I put in more volunteer hours at the animal shelter. So when the family (the worst screw her over'ers) calls for a favor or help, I already have a commitment in place and a valid excuse. And volunteering with homeless animals makes me feel great.
It makes perfect sense.
We are also one of those that do things and we get taken advantage of pretty bad.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
or that karma thing.
or What goes around comes around.
you are that way cause you know its the right way to be....not because of what you are gonna get out of it as an immediate return...what a world it would be if everyone was like that...ya know?
Good boy. continue to be a good guy, but not too much of one. Too easy to become a sucker.
Good stuff, Hammer. I like your new rules. I've been burned too, and it hurts so much more when it's your own family. Then they treat you like YOU did somthing wrong when they can't/won't pay you back.
Thankfully I learned pretty young that the best people to help are the ones you just see needs a hand and you just do it. I mowed lawns for money when I was a teen and had three yards for old ladies that I charged half what I normally got for a yard and never went up in price in all the years I mowed them. Nothing special, but they always gave me sweet tea or ice water while mowing and things like that.
Seeing someone walking with grocery sacks on a 97 degree day and offering an air conditioned ride, and simple things like that make people turn themselves inside out trying to thank you, they're so appreciative.
Anyway, great post.
BAWAHAHAHAHAHA
My sweetthing allows that "No good deed goes unpunished." Sounds like in your case she is correct.
Its the little deeds that make the biggest impact! That little old lady is so appreciative and the dog didnt get eaten by a wolf! Its the fuckers that continuously fuck up and expect you to bail them out that suck ass!
Well it sounds like you were suffering from some pretty shitty karma, my friend. I'm glad that you decided to not compound matters when your good deeds were coming back to bite you by turning into an utter and complete dick. lol
PS -- The Gouda wants to know why she always makes the worst typos while commenting on your blog.
JP: exactly, if I've lost any sympathy for ungrateful backstabbing pricks.
Paul: That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about and really seems to work.
odat: I think the immediate rush of endorphins after a good deed is reward enough, if karma comes around too even better :)
Becky: Thanks! I'll have to send it anonymously ;D
Scarlet: I'll see what I can do :)
Dan O: It was a learning experience. Giving money is bad juju.
Janet: Thanks :) I forgot to use that 50 cent word.
tysgirl: Good thing about stangers is they can't get on the gravy train :)
snowmanpoop: They get to expect and abuse it.
kat: It's true, I consider myself fortunate overall.
queen: Thanks for that link. They make perfect sense.
epijunky: Thanks :)
marianne: I helped out animal rescue once and they had me go get a trapped skunk. That cured me :)
The humane society is much better.
Burfica: Good natured folks are easy targets for manipulators.
katherine: that's what I was thinking. Even those hokey commercials about doing good deeds seem to make sense to me.
FHB: I've played the sucker too many times. Hopefully I'm done with that.
JAM: those are good examples and exactly what I've been trying to do more and more. It's working well so far.
guy: lol Thats the tip of the iceberg, but I figured it got my point across :)
Jenny: I hate being someones safety net.
allie: It seems the worst things are the ones I remember most. But as good as my memory is I don't remember anyone helping me out when I was down. That makes me want to be there for others that remind me of those hard times.
Huhmmm. . . The common denominator for the deeds you feel shitty about is money, while the ones you feel good about involve time.
I've always been under the impression that money is evil, when I want to help I give time, which is what you are doing now.
In fact, I always had the attitude that if you can't give the money away, dont' lend it, and never lend money. thus, I give it away and if they pay it back one day, all the better.
There's a lot of good that needs to be done out there, good for you for finding the ones you enjoy doing.
victorya: Good catch, money seems to corrupt good deeds. Yes time spent is much better for everyone.
The bible has a sensible solution to loaning money: don't loan anything you need to get back. In other words, if you can't give it as a gift, don't bother. That way, if they pay you back, it's a bonus and if they don't,you aren't left looking like you've been taken advantage of.
Giving unexpected kindness - and even receiving it - is the best.
Hey, can I borrow your car??
you and my husband could be blood brothers!
every stinkin' time a company talks him into going salary - they end up with all sorts of new toys and go on vacation five or six times a year, his bonuses stop and he ends up working 50-70 hours a week - all the while saying, "it'll come back to me, i just know it!"
it usually doesn't and then we're off looking for a new job when it finally sinks into his fat head.
Totally agree!
I think "Random Acts of Kindness" work better because we're helping people who aren't begging for help with selfish issue...like our friends and relatives.
I sure hope that Odat is right! I could use some good karma. ;)
You Dick! Hahh hahha hahah ahahah ahhaa!!
The only reaon I'm laughing is I've been burned every way you have and then some. Even in my bio thingy I put I still think you can find the good in ereryone if you look long enough?
Al Truism is a guy named Al who ditches school!
I don't ever want to get so cynical and untrustworthy that I fear helping anyone- and if I know the Hammer- He will go right on doing just what his heart tells him to do and damn the consequences. Maybe minus the moola- I too really check into anything if it involves money!
And I know you well enough forom Blogdom that yu never ever do anything for reason of recognition or reward. Your just not the type that lets the right hand know what the left is doing.Plus we know what you are usually doing with your...sorry--never mind.
Keep that great big Heart Hammer- we need many many more like you in this world!!
John
So sorry you have felt like a "sucker" in the past. It is funny...I have been just about down and out and in the poor house most of my life but have never even thought of asking for money from a friend. I just wouldn't feel comfortable even asking. I try to be kind to strangers whenever possible...but have to admit I can be a biotch when riled up...lmao.
I've never had the best of luck with kind deeds either. My least favorite outcome is the all-too-common awkward response from those that are shocked that someone other than themselves would do something nice for them.
Much wiser, Hammer ! You've learned the hard way, like I have --
brilliant post. Ditto the hit-and-run thingie on the good deeds thing. It's a slippery slope.
Man, what a run of terrible luck. Or bad situations. Just one of those things would probably knock me off good deeds for a good, long time. Especially that girlfriend vacation thing. Ick.
Hammer, you rock! What a kind guy you are - and I think your new plan will be a lot more beneficial to you. Not that you do good deeds for the 'accolades', but those other idiots you've tried to help, didn't deserve it!
don't forget your stint as the hubcap fairy
erm, i mean that in a very macho sense of the word.
The spirit of Generosity is a blessing, I have it too.
You've got the right idea, Mang! Karma rewards goodness and punishes wrongdoings; we all know that!
In my experiences in being super helpful to people I know and associate with, I always get screwed too - and those are the same people that will just nickel-and-dime your good nature to death until you just wanna tell them to f*ck off. Give ‘em an inch and they’ll take a mile EVERY TIME.
I've lost many a friend that way, but in hindsight, I guess it was a small price to pay to figure out who your TRUE FRIENDS are and who’s The Devil in disguise!
Post a Comment
Welcome back
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home