More on shopping.
Don't ever go into the grocery store and buy one cucumber. Trust me.
I was doing my grocery shopping late one night and a lady ran down the isle wearing nothing but a long pink Winnie the Poo sleeping shirt with a couple of well placed wet spots. She grabbed one of those plastic bears filled with honey and sprinted to the express lane.... Duh! like I couldn't figure out she had a 3AM culinary emergency...
Ever stand in line behind the little blue haired lady who must fill out her check registry and balance her checkbook before she hands the check to the cashier?
I was doing my grocery shopping late one night and a lady ran down the isle wearing nothing but a long pink Winnie the Poo sleeping shirt with a couple of well placed wet spots. She grabbed one of those plastic bears filled with honey and sprinted to the express lane.... Duh! like I couldn't figure out she had a 3AM culinary emergency...
Ever stand in line behind the little blue haired lady who must fill out her check registry and balance her checkbook before she hands the check to the cashier?
It's especially frustrating when she brings out the calligraphy set and the abacus.
This ever happen to you? You walk INTO a store and the security alarm sensors go off and they want to search you... Yeah smart guy I'm bringing back a stack of security tags from all the stuff I've stolen.
Speaking of crooks, Once, I was doing the weekly food shopping, when a girl of about 19 and her friend dumped a bottle of apple juice on the floor right in front of me. One girl sat down in it and started screaming while the other ran off and hid the juice. I told the manager. They called the girl an ambulance and asked me to fill out a statement right in front of the her...damn if looks could kill.
This ever happen to you? You walk INTO a store and the security alarm sensors go off and they want to search you... Yeah smart guy I'm bringing back a stack of security tags from all the stuff I've stolen.
Speaking of crooks, Once, I was doing the weekly food shopping, when a girl of about 19 and her friend dumped a bottle of apple juice on the floor right in front of me. One girl sat down in it and started screaming while the other ran off and hid the juice. I told the manager. They called the girl an ambulance and asked me to fill out a statement right in front of the her...damn if looks could kill.
I would have minded my own business if they had had the slightest bit of creativity
or panache. Frigging Amateurs.
I like going up to those people who give out free samples at the grocery store, taking a bite, spitting it not my napkin and yelling "holy shit lady! Are you trying to poison me?"
or panache. Frigging Amateurs.
I like going up to those people who give out free samples at the grocery store, taking a bite, spitting it not my napkin and yelling "holy shit lady! Are you trying to poison me?"
Its fun walking up to a store employee with a bottle of massengil douche and asking "Does this stuff really work?"
I always win the Pepsi challenge and pick the opposite of what they are selling. They fucking hate me for it. They call me that annoying dude who still has working taste buds.
Shopping is so boring, why not make it fun?
posted by Bill Rowland @ August 26, 2007
25 Comments
25 Comments:
LOL==LOL Oh Man-
You are just too funny!
J
First time back to blogging since the start of the summer. Great to see that you are still here. Looking forward to returning often!
Blue haired lady filling out the checkbook...beautiful! That has probably cost me 10 years off my life for all the clenched rage I've held in watching that very scene. I can't say I know of anything that we see in everyday life that pisses me off more.
LOL, grocery shopping is one of the most annoying things in life, sadly we have to do it.
Hahaha! Be fun to go shopping with ya one day!! =) (in your own country!! hahaha;)
Orrrr!!! Blue hair used a debit card... and has no idea what a PIN is....
Hilarious. They did that right in front of you. They deserve to go to jail. No clue at all.
That's it, Hammer! Your wife simply has to work out a schedule so that you may accompany us when we go shopping.
May I please book every Tuesday at 9:45am, statutory holidays exempted. You will have seen your wife off to work, the children off off to school, and Marvin and Chula will have had time for breakfast/exercise/play time.
We might as well rent a bus and bring the regulars along so no one feels left out of the fun.
Veritas et Fidelis Semper
John: You should see me on a good day ;)
Dave: Welcome back!
MadZ: It's the worst, I think it's intentional.
Brandon: I would do it over the internet if they'd let me :)
KB: People usually don't like shopping with me for some reason :)
Cheesy: I've seen them sign the screen of the credit card machine with their pen...
FHB: the things kids do after watching stupid criminal shows...
Deborah : I may as well bring a hidden camera :)
He He He..... I like messing about when I am shopping , I always manage to get stuck at the check out behind the woman who decides its time to re- organise her handbag(twice) before packing her stuff or paying for anything.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Three things guaranteed to spoil my shopping experience are:
1. The price check
2. the phone call that the shop assistant must answer and is more important than the customer
3. the customer before me who can't stop talking to the shop assistant.
I hate too, when someone gets behind you in line holding TWO items and giving you that "can I get ahead of you" look....hmmm NOOOOOOO! my time is just as important as yours sucker!
Great post...lol.
Peace
I hate shopping...Any form of it.
Another hilarious post.
I loved the one with the free samples at the grocery store. I'll have to translate it into Spanish and use it at Costco here in Miami.
When I was a kid my friends and I would switch all the douche products with Drano at the corner market. Weird, huh?
I always used to set those security thisgs off. But with me, I would announce it. I would say in a loud voice, "I set that thing off. I think they just wanted to get me out of there because everybody heard everything I said.
i hate shopping too!
especially with my family - they'll put mass quantities of bologna, miracle whip and vienna sausages in my cart then hide where i cannot see them - i'll turn around and see all this junk in my cart and have a fit while they're down some aisle laughing their hind ends off, knowing those are three things i'd NEVER purchase!
i do surpass though...oh...yes, i do - we'll be in the toiletry section of the store in a busy aisle and i'll sheepishly say, "so, honey - what size depends did you say you needed?"
Fun stuff for a Monday morning!
Well shopping is always such a thrill when you get to the check out and have the chance to show off your copperplate skills, it's just such a shame that I feel the need to balance the check book first. I'm thinking of investing in one of those calculator things, but it might slow me up a bit.
Cheers
That was a fun post Hammer!
Ha, great post! I love shopping humor.
I like to purchase weird things together like bananas, saran wrap and lube. Or bottled whipped cream and No Dose.
Man, I'd love to go shopping with you. That would be a hoot.
I have set off alarms going into stores. Usually it is because a lower tech store sells an item that has a magnetized security strip but no demagnetizer and I happen to have it in my purse. They've never given me any trouble over it though.
I HATE those credit card commercials that imply that using cash holds up the checkout line! WRONG! Nothing slows up a line more than credit cards and idiots who refuse to write their checks until they are completely checked through.
Have you ever noticed that people who always pay by check NEVER have a pen?
I dont like shopping unless it is on the internet and there is free shipping.
ok this was way too funny....there have been times I have really wanted to mess with a cashier in a store but I just can't do it...guess it comes from 20 yrs of working hard in retail and being messed with by assholes after I have worked my butt off and given them great service...so now I feel bad for the ones still doing that work..lol.
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