Tuesday, June 12, 2007

A quick funny

A Wyoming cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy,

"If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

You're a Congressman for the U.S. government" says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows.... Now give me back my dog.

32 Comments:

At June 12, 2007 at 8:05 AM , Anonymous Cheesy said...

:o) HA

 
At June 12, 2007 at 8:33 AM , Anonymous Sornie said...

Priceless -- and accurate!

 
At June 12, 2007 at 8:34 AM , Anonymous Jeannie said...

good one!

 
At June 12, 2007 at 8:51 AM , Anonymous Deborah Aylward said...

YOU'RE A TREASURE!!! FIRE AWAY!!!

Veritas et Fidelis Semper

 
At June 12, 2007 at 9:00 AM , Anonymous BobG said...

Definitely a congressman or a senator.

 
At June 12, 2007 at 9:19 AM , Anonymous Doggy Smile said...

That was great, Hammer !!!! Ha-ha ! Oh yeahhhhhh !

 
At June 12, 2007 at 9:34 AM , Anonymous Carrie said...

ROTFL

 
At June 12, 2007 at 10:11 AM , Anonymous tweetey30 said...

Very good Hammer. I liked the last line. Give me back my dog. Yikes.

 
At June 12, 2007 at 10:11 AM , Anonymous tweetey30 said...

Very good Hammer. I liked the last line. Give me back my dog. Yikes.

 
At June 12, 2007 at 10:17 AM , Anonymous Jenny! said...

So glad you back, who else comes up with these crazy funny story jokes that make me shot pop out my nose!

 
At June 12, 2007 at 10:33 AM , Anonymous Burfica said...

well everyone knows that cowboys are smart. hehehehehe

 
At June 12, 2007 at 11:34 AM , Anonymous Canadian flake said...

omggggg that is wayyyyyy toooo funny. So glad you are badge hammer...your hilarious and insightful writings were missed.

 
At June 12, 2007 at 12:42 PM , Anonymous Jami said...

"If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', then the opposite of 'progress' is ..."

 
At June 12, 2007 at 6:30 PM , Anonymous Joker_SATX said...

ROTHFLMAO

Flyinfox_SATX

 
At June 12, 2007 at 7:10 PM , Anonymous Jerry said...

Ha Ha!! Good one!

 
At June 12, 2007 at 7:27 PM , Anonymous The Phosgene Kid said...

I heard it was a cowboy from Montana...

 
At June 12, 2007 at 8:24 PM , Anonymous BBC said...

This is old, very old.

But tell me something.

How do you put a wife and kids in a vehicle and tear down public highways at 80 miles an hour and then turn around and say that you are protective of them?

I would really like an answer to this question. Go ahead, delete this comment if you like, like you have others of mine. I have a blog also and can address this there.

Do you think you will ever grow up? :-)

 
At June 12, 2007 at 8:44 PM , Anonymous JP said...

80 mph on the interstate is average these days. Slow old farts clogging lanes are the hazard now. We have antilock brakes, multipoint seat belts, airbags and side curtains, reinforced passenger compartments, plastic breakaway interior parts, positive traction control...better handling cars, better tires, better safety features all around now. Better better better. I won't even bother to come read an old man's perspective on the subject when its obvious he's still thinking 1960s death traps and 45 mph on a high speed interchange. With your right hand directional blinking for ten miles. You've made a case for pulling the licenses of old farts who are too afraid to drive their cars but won't get the hell off the road.

 
At June 12, 2007 at 9:20 PM , Anonymous Deborah Aylward said...

Ever notice how every time that someone attempts to unselfishly provide their family with some fun and a nice holiday, there's always another who is so obviously jealous that they try to rain on your parade? Even when what they say has nothing whatsoever to do with the subject at hand? Amen, JP.

Veritas et Fidelis Semper

 
At June 12, 2007 at 9:55 PM , Anonymous Brandon said...

LOL very funny, the last line is much truer than people might think.

 
At June 12, 2007 at 11:35 PM , Anonymous Infinitesimal said...

Where's Ryan?

 
At June 13, 2007 at 2:39 AM , Anonymous kateykakes said...

That is classic, Hammer!

Love the funnies. Keep 'em coming!

 
At June 13, 2007 at 4:06 AM , Anonymous Hammer said...

Not that I feel the need to defend myself but the traffic flow was 90 to 105MPH for most of that trip.

I was driving 80 in the slow lane and people were still tailgating and whipping around me like I was sitting still. Oh yeah 80MPH is the new posted speed limit on many parts of IH10 these days.

BBC: every comment you have posted in the last couple months has been insulting, accusatory, negative, trollish or just plain mean. I don't know what is going on but that's why I delete your comments.

I think the icing on the cake is when you accused me of faking my hand picture. You have some problems that go beyond "Dear Hammer"

I'm not here to get into pointless fights so quit trying.

 
At June 13, 2007 at 5:53 AM , Anonymous Canadian flake said...

first off I apologize for my typo in my earlier comment...I was trying to say so glad you are BACK (burfica can explain the typo..lol).

2nd of all...wtg hammer on your insight and well chosen words. I think BBC should go get a life. Last time I checked, no one was tieing him down and FORCING him to read your blog. I think it is great, so BBC needs to take a long walk on a short pier, again, just my thoughts.

 
At June 13, 2007 at 5:58 AM , Anonymous JP said...

Faking the hand picture? Of course you would fake a hand picture. Hell, just turn it over and they have your finger prints man! Talk about identity theft. bbc really has his shit together. What a genius.

 
At June 13, 2007 at 6:48 AM , Anonymous Jenafear said...

JP spoke what I was thinking when I read these comments. I wonder if you can block IPs at blogger? It probably wouldn't make a difference much, but just a thought.

 
At June 13, 2007 at 8:00 AM , Anonymous Ripple said...

So....this isn't really about the cowboy is it?

 
At June 14, 2007 at 11:34 AM , Anonymous imp said...

bbc is like this on any blog he goes to. He starts of kind of nice and funny and then gets mean and nasty.
He's been banned on many blogs.

 
At June 15, 2007 at 4:28 PM , Anonymous Barbara said...

*Sigh* Trolls. There's one in every bunch.

I laughed. I enjoyed it. Got here through Matt G. btw.

 
At June 17, 2007 at 9:07 AM , Anonymous FHB said...

Seen that one. Hilarious, and perfectly true. Wisdom.

 
At June 17, 2007 at 9:07 AM , Anonymous FHB said...

And damn, what's up with BBC?

 
At June 22, 2007 at 2:08 PM , Anonymous Memphis Steve said...

That one always makes me laugh!

 

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