Pyramid schemes or how to alienate your friends and family
I've been around multi level marketing schemes all my life. People tried to push them on my parents and then later on me.
Many of these are illegal, there has to be some sort of product involved, but the products are mostly just bait for the trap.
Basically, multilevel marketing is a big pyramid scheme. Little guys on the bottom pay their fees to sign up and sell some overpriced crap, then the profits and signup fees trickle upwards.
The goal of the little guy is to get as many suckers as he can to sign up with pie in the sky promises of fabulous riches so he can get off the bottom rung and start milking his own brood of retards.
The spiel works like this..someone says "I'd like to take you to lunch and discuss a great business opportunity." They show the double diamonds, the guys raking in 10 grand a month and pictures of mansions. All this can be yours if you sign here and write me a check for $250 to $1000 depending on how fast you want to move up.
If you do sign up, your "sponsor" will never leave you alone. "Hey I have classes for your success, a steal at $600 I've got these tapes and books for $150, How many people have you signed up" etc.. etc..
One time my mailman asked if I was interested in getting Amway products. Stupidly I said yes and signed up to buy them online. I told him I didn't want to sell I just wanted their soap.
Amway has damn good soap.
This mother fucker would not leave me alone, "where do you want to go with this huh? huh? I told him I wanted fucking toilet paper and soap and to leave me the fuck alone.
The sombitch would not stop. I stopped answering my door and changed my phone number. Finally I canceled my IBO buying account because I was a fresh turd and Amway was a swarm of hungry flies.
My best friend Gary is a sucker for this bullshit, he is also the laziest motherfucker I have ever known. Gary's dad Johnny has done every pyramid scheme on the planet and has bullied Gary into hundreds and thousands of dollars of fees for different scams that usually ended up in front of the Attorney general.
There was an MCI phone card one, one for "cheap" dental plans, one called "Excel" which "slammed" your long distance carriers and gave you a $100 per month long distance bill with no calls made. Amway, the grandaddy of the cock sucking vampire mother fuckers and now its Nu skin.
You know shit rolls downhill and since I'm the only one Gary knows, he tries to sell to me first.
I remind him that every failed MLM (muilti-level marketing) scheme he has ever tried has been illegal or total bullshit....Oh nooo... he assures me this one is legit.
It's like fucking scientology. Stick your hand in this meter and it will tell you that you need to buy my special $100 per month anti oxidant drink blend or you're going to fucking curl up and die like a diseased hamster.
Riggght.
I tell Gary, " That's nice but I do not talk to people, I hate people, how can I sign up people if I don't speak to people and think people suck bloated goat ass?"
Gary retorts with, "Well what about your family?"
"Oh yeah like I want to do business with those crooked broke mother fuckers?" I replied
Gary has been involved with Nu skin for 9 years. "How many people have you signed up Gary?" I asked innocently... Uhhh.. none" he mumbled under his breath...
He begged me to at least look at the products.
OK FUCKING FINE!
My son needed some soap for oily skin. I went online under Gary's selling code and looked up a bar of soap.
TWENTY TWO FUCKING DOLLARS! I about shit a chocolate donkey sideways. Is that for a fucking case of soap? Hmmmm nope... one stinking bar.
Gary called me up and asked, "you buy some stuff yet?"
I let him have it. I told him, "no wonder all those double diamond bitches are millionaires, they sell a 20 cent bar of soap for $22 bucks. Gary stammered "wwweelll it's really good soap."
I told him I don't care if the soap has rare extinct Condor jizz in it, fucking Clearasil is $2.19 at the HEB down the street.
I'm tired of being taken for a sucker.
Pyramids and MLM's are fucking sodding, goddamn, bullshit!
And you can quote me on that.
Many of these are illegal, there has to be some sort of product involved, but the products are mostly just bait for the trap.
Basically, multilevel marketing is a big pyramid scheme. Little guys on the bottom pay their fees to sign up and sell some overpriced crap, then the profits and signup fees trickle upwards.
The goal of the little guy is to get as many suckers as he can to sign up with pie in the sky promises of fabulous riches so he can get off the bottom rung and start milking his own brood of retards.
The spiel works like this..someone says "I'd like to take you to lunch and discuss a great business opportunity." They show the double diamonds, the guys raking in 10 grand a month and pictures of mansions. All this can be yours if you sign here and write me a check for $250 to $1000 depending on how fast you want to move up.
If you do sign up, your "sponsor" will never leave you alone. "Hey I have classes for your success, a steal at $600 I've got these tapes and books for $150, How many people have you signed up" etc.. etc..
One time my mailman asked if I was interested in getting Amway products. Stupidly I said yes and signed up to buy them online. I told him I didn't want to sell I just wanted their soap.
Amway has damn good soap.
This mother fucker would not leave me alone, "where do you want to go with this huh? huh? I told him I wanted fucking toilet paper and soap and to leave me the fuck alone.
The sombitch would not stop. I stopped answering my door and changed my phone number. Finally I canceled my IBO buying account because I was a fresh turd and Amway was a swarm of hungry flies.
My best friend Gary is a sucker for this bullshit, he is also the laziest motherfucker I have ever known. Gary's dad Johnny has done every pyramid scheme on the planet and has bullied Gary into hundreds and thousands of dollars of fees for different scams that usually ended up in front of the Attorney general.
There was an MCI phone card one, one for "cheap" dental plans, one called "Excel" which "slammed" your long distance carriers and gave you a $100 per month long distance bill with no calls made. Amway, the grandaddy of the cock sucking vampire mother fuckers and now its Nu skin.
You know shit rolls downhill and since I'm the only one Gary knows, he tries to sell to me first.
I remind him that every failed MLM (muilti-level marketing) scheme he has ever tried has been illegal or total bullshit....Oh nooo... he assures me this one is legit.
It's like fucking scientology. Stick your hand in this meter and it will tell you that you need to buy my special $100 per month anti oxidant drink blend or you're going to fucking curl up and die like a diseased hamster.
Riggght.
I tell Gary, " That's nice but I do not talk to people, I hate people, how can I sign up people if I don't speak to people and think people suck bloated goat ass?"
Gary retorts with, "Well what about your family?"
"Oh yeah like I want to do business with those crooked broke mother fuckers?" I replied
Gary has been involved with Nu skin for 9 years. "How many people have you signed up Gary?" I asked innocently... Uhhh.. none" he mumbled under his breath...
He begged me to at least look at the products.
OK FUCKING FINE!
My son needed some soap for oily skin. I went online under Gary's selling code and looked up a bar of soap.
TWENTY TWO FUCKING DOLLARS! I about shit a chocolate donkey sideways. Is that for a fucking case of soap? Hmmmm nope... one stinking bar.
Gary called me up and asked, "you buy some stuff yet?"
I let him have it. I told him, "no wonder all those double diamond bitches are millionaires, they sell a 20 cent bar of soap for $22 bucks. Gary stammered "wwweelll it's really good soap."
I told him I don't care if the soap has rare extinct Condor jizz in it, fucking Clearasil is $2.19 at the HEB down the street.
I'm tired of being taken for a sucker.
Pyramids and MLM's are fucking sodding, goddamn, bullshit!
And you can quote me on that.
Labels: Rants
posted by Bill Rowland @ April 16, 2007
37 Comments
37 Comments:
I feel your pain. Mr. Abby thinks ALL pyramid scams sound like a great way to make money...you have no idea how many of these stupid things I have whacked in the past few years.
Jesus.
You work and earn money. You marry money. You inherit money. You win the Lotto. Otherwise - you're not getting amazing, super-quick money.
And don't bug people you know about it. That's just tacky.
I love your posts, lol. You have a wonderfully unique flair with words.
I don't understand people that fall for that crap. Getting involved with those things is more work than having a 9-5 job and it makes people want to run for the hills when they see you coming. It sucks.
Shame that people feel the need to pressure their friends and family to buy, or buy into bullshit like that. It's one thing when your kids is selling stuff, but a buddy? That's low.
is this #69?
My Mom, God lover her
will get involved in the pyramids.
and guess who she wants to "share" first with?
I fell for it with Excel, because I wanted to please Mom
never again my friend.
BTW
I have tried everything from clearasil to the 22 dollar soap to dermatologist prescription acid peels and creams...
and nothing works.
if your son has acne, there is only one solution, and I mean it WORKS
"Proactive Solution"
for real
seriously
it works in 2 days
It messes me up, how good that stuff works.
the "kit" is 20 bucks online
soap, toner and then lotion
it stings the first two times you use it.
damn that stuff is amazing.
Yes, it's crap. Happily I have never fallen into this scams.
The only way to get to money, is the hard way ...
Scams and pyramid schemes will always exist as long as there are greedy and stupid people. The best scam I ever heard of was the one where people bought real estate (as an investment) that was periodically reclaimed by the sea.
Oh Geez! My Dad, an accountant made me visit with an Amway couple years ago - they were at the distributor level - I couldn't do it - totally not my thing.
My sister has been involved with tupperware, Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, Partylite and Weekenders. Probably more. She ropes me into going to all her freaking home shows even though she knows I hate them. She actually believes that this shit is worth it. And wonders why she's broke and why she never makes money herself.
Geez.
It seems the only way I reconnect with my longest lost relatives is when they find Amway or Mela Luca(sp) and decide to quit working and become multi Jillionaires. I guess they're all on their luxury yachts cruising their private islands living it up in their marble mansions, excluding me of course because I told them to shove it all up their asses. Haven't heard from a single one since.
a relative of mine lost a whole helluve lot of money in a pyramid scheme, which was surprising because he should have more sense. I'm always a little amazed that ppl fall for it, considering the press it's gotten over the years. That, and those scams where they trick you into thinking that you've won some lottery that you never participated in.
J and I tried Amway once. Will never do that again. This lady comes to our house to do something for work and the next thing you know shes telling us she has this friend that can help us make more money and so forth and we get sucked in but I wouldnt put any money in on it. I told her if it worked she could take our money out of each sale we made and of course we didnt make any money so we didnt owe her a dime. I hate when people do that. This friend of yours I hope he gets his head on straight soon and decides this isnt going to work because yes you do have to talk and you have to talk fast before they realize that they are spending 22.00 dollars for a bar of soap. I dont blame you there. Its not my cup of tea either. I love people but I hate trying to scam them.
I have never been involved with this before but some lady tried to get me to sell Avon. I think that is pretty much the same thing. I told her the makeup will make you break out and the perfume smells like ass. How can I sell that?
abby:You're right, there is no free ride.
groovy: Yeah the 10 hours per week they claim is total BS it takes a lot more time than that to con people.
gunny: It is low, my closest friend growing up said he was coming to visit after I hadn't seen him in years. As soon as he walked in the door he pulled out the excel mlm sales shit. I said no thanks and started trying to catch up with him and he left after 15 min. He was just there to sell I haven't forgiven him.
infini: I'm still working up to 69 without it being too depressing.
My son just has oily right now I'll check out the other stuff if a blemish starts.
kirsten: absolutely, there is no such thing as a free lunch.
lexcen: That scam sounds familiar. Greedy and stupid explains a lot of it.
jeannie: My wife bought from all those people to be polite. the products were ok but so frigging overpriced I know where the money was really going.
JP: Damn straight, The fuckers come out of the woodwork when they join those scams. they have no shame.
choo choo The indonesian government almost toppled because 75% of the people lost their asses in these scams. People want something for nothing.
Tweety: Yeah amway people prey on politeness and good nature, thats what the classes tell them. It's a bummer.
snowmanpoop: If its mainly a product I don't have a problem but when they say I have to sign up as a distributor before they ever show me what they sell that's when the alarm bells start going off.
Yeah, I got sucked into Amway once when I was much younger, and some folks do very well at it and the products are good for the most part.
But I didn't stick with it long, it's just not my style. Kirby salesman must have it rough, I like Kirby's, they are tough and last a long time, but they are expensive.
The last one I bought they wanted about twelve hundred for it. I took five hundred out of my wallet and said "Take it or leave it". He took it.
Hey, could I interest you in.......
Well, you certainly let us know what you think of pyramid schemes! I'm glad that I was taught early on that "there's no such thing as a free lunch" and "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is".
For 22 bucks a bar that soap better wash a person without that person having to even pick it up. Cheers!!
That's it Hammer don't hold back, get it all out. LOL
I too have been hit up by amway reps on several occasions...OMG they are friggin relentless. It didn't take me long to learn that if I wanted to get rid of them I had to be brutally honest, and sometimes down right shitty. Luckily I'm good at both! :)
bbc: amway does have good stuff and I think they started out mostly legit until they saw how much they could make by getting people to sign up as distributors.
janet: definitely, I've learned my lesson with the work from home scams too.
matt-man: And mow the lawn.
mrsjosegoldbloom: The ones I encounted were on mega crack, they couldn't even understand "Get the fuck away from me you cretin" I think its those motivational classes.
You touched a nerve with me. One of my friends sells "essential oils" via MLM. Whenever I say "pyramid scheme" he bursts a cerebellum.
What a bunch of total crap. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. Maybe I should buy the essential oil that works wonders for headaches.
I was hitchiking 'cross country coast-to-coast when I got a ride with an Amway dude out in Ohio or Indiana, who pitched me then next twenty miles. He knew I didn't have a cent, he just wanted to practice his pitch - at least I didn't roll him a joint. Bastards.
Amen Hammer. I've been attacked by lots of them also. The big one being that Orange Solve cleaning products. They wanna sell you three bottles of concentrate for 250 dollars. WHAT THE FUCK?????
This one I listened to for a friend was Melloluka. They say they are a "green" company, and to get any products you have to buy their started kit which is 29 dollars. But to get the products you really want, you have to go up a level, and to do that you have to sign up 8 people to sell, then they have to sign up 8 etc. etc. And the one lady I told her no thank you, she kept on, then I said NO and she got rude. Rude with all the time talking about what a good Christian she is, and good Christians, use the green products.
They already tried to call me back once today. Guess I'm gonna have to get me "daughter of a marine" potty mouth out. hehehehe
I guess that's why I like Avon. They have never ever pressured me to sign anyone up. And in my almost 7 years selling I have never ever asked anyone to sell avon. And I have still made a profit.
We don't have stuff like that here or at least I am not aware of it.
I tell Gary, " That's nice but I do not talk to people, I hate people, how can I sign up people if I don't speak to people and think people suck bloated goat ass?"
That is awesome...I think I will use that line next time some "friend" asks me if I'm interested.
These things are kind of the reverse of the school fundraiser candy, they know you're going to hit up all of your family and friends until they hate your guts, but hey, no loss to them as the money trickles up, right?
I hate to say it, but over the years, as Lovely Wife and I have moved and started visiting new churches, we became very wary of the first folks to try to befriend us and ask us over for dinner. They were invariably the Amway, etc., etc., pushers in that church. Sad but true.
Lovely Wife's cousin got into Amway years ago and the only time the schmuck ever called us in the twenty two years we've been married was when he called and was trolling for Amway victims. I haven't spoken to him since.
dan: Oh yeah they hate it whe you say pyramid, they cringe when I say MLM, I think it touches the nerve attached to the brain cell that says "this scheme is probably bullshit"
dirtcrashr: lol I wouldn't have lasted that long :)
burfica, oh yeah the orange dudes, I can buy orange shit at the hardware store for about 7 bucks. I just don't clean that much lol.
And they get rude as hell starting out nice and then get shittier and shittier the more you say no.
carrie: you are indeed lucky, well now that you know about it fate will send you someone to annoy you with an MLM. Be strong lol :)
jenafear: That phrase just throws em off guard for a sec so you can find something heavy to hit em over the head with.
JAM Oh yeah, you think they're inviting people over for for friendship and niceness but in actuality they are frigging sharks.
Sad. I'm more suspicious of motives each day.
Hi Hammer
(sc)Amway have the best glass cleaner, I bought it once because I felt sorry for the seller, then moved house.......I wish you could buy this in the supermarkets, BUT there is NO way I am ever going to try and find anyone selling (sc)Amway products...not now I have a new address !!lol
ciao4now xx
"If it sounds too good to be true..."
I suppose I don't even need to finish that. It seems to me the only thing worse than being a salesman, is being a saleman selling something no one really wants at a super inflated price.
I have never completely understood pyramid schemes.
Man, I was tricked into going to an Amway meeting once in college. My friends folks were into it, and he tricked a few of his friends into going. They showed us the soap, but I didn't go for it. I figure any product that has to trick people into buyin' it is not worth goin' for.
Avon is the publisher of the Satanic bible.
it's true.
het they have great stuff and probabaly could have got rich off that but noo they had to go muck it all up.
ryan: you are supposed to sign people up at $250 a pop and some of that money goes to you and some of it goes to the people that signed you up and so on.
If someone gets ten signed up and those people get ten and so on the guys on top rake in the cash without any real services being rendered. Mostly the bottom guys get screwed.
FHB: The products are good it's the membership fees they want. They only keep the products going to stay legal and perpetuate the ruse.
infini: There are a couple of kinds of satanism one is a rationalism that rejects christianity and pushes logic and the other kind that worships a satan figure.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satanism
LOL. I have a really, really open mind & will listen to hours of bullshit from someone...as long as it does not involve me giving them money. MLM schemes are just that...schemes!
This is America, at least for you & I, and if we want something...we can work for it & then go get it...we don't need a 'scheme'
Good post Hammer & LOL at infinitesimal's comment, as well.
BTW~ semi-random thought~
yesterday a door to door salesman came to my shop (selling floor cleaners) I cocked my head sideways and asked him what he thought I did for a living. He started his sentence by saying ' you sell...' and I interupted him (rude me...but they come 2-3 times a month) 'That's right. I sell. I don't buy. I sell.'
I know.
skinny: Yeah I'm patient too but will not spend money on these asshole.
infini: which one does avon push?
"shit a chocolate donkey sideways" hahahahahahahahaha!!!! You have such a way with words Hammer!! =0
kb: Thanks, I just have to make sure that people get my drift ;)
hey hammer like ur stuff here. funny!!!!!!!! also very informitive. just wanted 2 say keep up the good work.I just happened 2 stumble on this site. i will check w/ya later. also, what's ur home 20?
Post a Comment
Welcome back
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home