Why my neighbors hate me

I like in a fairly nice neighborhood. The thing about my town is that you don't have to have much money to live well. I've been here seven years now and my street has gone from a bunch of 40 somethings looking for a quiet street and a housing investment to a bunch of young families with a lot of kids.

My neighbors to my immediate right seem nice enough but they are finicky and have odd habits.

For example, I mow my grass up to where my back yard fence starts next to their driveway. When they mow, they only cut to their gate which leaves a 4 inch patch of tall grass leading up to the curb. I mean come on... If I happen to mow after them I always go far enough over even if it isn't on my side.

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They recently bought a big dog, it barks, digs and shits like an elephant. I don't bitch because I'm actually a pretty nice guy, but my neighbors pick up the copious piles of dog shit, put them in plastic grocery bags and leave them on the sidewalk in front of my house even when it's not trash day. They aren't mean, just passive aggressive with obsessive compulsive tendencies.

My left side neighbors have three kids ages 5, 9 and 13. The mother is definitely hyperactive. She'll walk up to me and ask how I'm doing and before I can answer she starts babbling and darting her eyes all over the place. She lives with her ex husband who despite being ex air force and a fire fighter is a major wussy who won't discipline his kids.

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The oldest boy is a bully, who I caught talking sex with the neighborhood 5 year olds and riding his bike over their toys while they were playing. The father hates me because I called his asshole son out for throwing my kid in the concrete ditch between our houses and busting his lip.

How dare I yell at his child? "he's not a bully" he loudly proclaimed before I even said a word. My son who is 4 years younger and weighs 60 Lbs started the whole thing. Yeahhhh... Whatever. The husband won't speak to me now but his wife has an odd fascination with babbling at me incoherently.

My neighbor across the street is a late 40's woman in crisis. Her kids are grown, and up until recently had her destitute sister, three nieces and crazy as a loon brother in law living with her. They were nice enough but I couldn't let my kids go over there because the house smelled like rotten garbage and dirty laundry.

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She finally kicked her sister's family to the curb and moved her 20 something boy toy boyfriend in with her. My neighbor doesn't speak to me anymore, probably because I told her estranged sister that the new boyfriend looked like a creepy pedophile.

There is a Korean family across the street that started out nice enough. The dad works all the time and doesn't involve himself with the kids. Everything was fine until I adopted my daughters. Then all of the sudden the mom tells us that her children don't like my daughters (who they've never met) but it was ok for my son to keep playing with her kids.

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The mother has an odd fascination with my families spending habits. They keep sending their youngest daughter over to knock on the door and ask us weird financial questions. One time I caught their youngest in my living room looking around.

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She had walked in from the garage and let herself in. I'm like, "what the fuck?" This little 5 year old girl pipes up with " My mom says you lost a lot of money on your last vehicle trade in ...how much did your new car cost?" I said," tell your mom we are millionaires and we burn excess money in the fireplace instead of firewood." That sent the little frigging spy running.

Next to the Koreans is one of the left over older neighbors. He hates me because...well I'm not sure... I think he was friends with the hated dragon lady who used to live next door. He is always checking the stickers on my cars to see if he can have me towed, even though I never park anywhere but my driveway or in front of my house. He gives me dirty looks and reports me to the homeowners association whenever my grass is more than an inch tall. Luckily the association president doesn't speak English very well.

My neighbors one house up stopped talking to me after the last election. I had been nice to them and bought all their rude ass sons overpriced boyscout peddling shit. I mean 13 bucks for one tiny can of carmel popcorn? Anyway, I was sitting on the commode as usual and the doorbell rang. I was trying to cut myself short and was yelling for my son not to open the door.

He opened it. I was furiously wiping trying to get out there to make sure it wasn't stranger danger. I heard the door slam, I ran out and saw my son dusting off his hands and looking all satisfied with himself.

I asked him... " who was at the door?" My 7 year old son said "Our neighbors wanted to put a John Kerry for president sign in our yard. I told them we are Republicans and slammed the door" I told him that wasn't very nice "He replied "But daaaadd... they're democrats...."

I swear he came up with that all on his own.