On raising kids

From around the time I was born, there were a large number of of child psychologists saying this and that about what is good for kids and the proper way to raise them. Books on child rearing, written by each successive muckety muck usually contradicted whatever the last expert wrote on the subject.

The late 60's engendered a whole bunch of new age, no boundaries, free expression crap. They purported that kids could do no wrong and everything they did was just exploration of the world and children should not be punished for supposed transgressions against our patriarchal society.

Bwahahahah!!!..... what a load of horse hemorrhoids.

My parents didn't know what they were doing because they both came from screwed up homes and emotionally bankrupt parents. My mom and dad bought the books at the check out lane at the grocery store to figure out why I was afraid of the dark and kept forgetting to flush the toilet. I guess they were at least trying to do things right.

Since I had some form of undiagnosed attention deficit I'm sure my bizarre reactions to people, pressure and day to day tasks confused and angered them. They tried everything to get me to snap out of the haze I was in. Luckily, I eventually grew out of it. The fact that they were mostly consistent in their behavior gave me peace of mind. I almost always knew what to expect from them.

Now that I have kids of my own, I can see a direct correlation between the way a child is raised and how they turn out. Children have a limited knowledge base and usually act on things based on selfishness, curiosity and a lack of experience.

When a kid does something good and acceptable, parents should give praise and show affection.

If the child does something dumb, dangerous or anti-social, they should be scolded, and given consequences based on the severity of the transgression.

For example, if your three year old bites a playmate, he should be scolded, put in the corner for a few minutes and be forced to apologize. This needs to be done each and every time until the child knows that the joys of sinking their teeth into human flesh is not tolerated and the consequences outweigh the fun.

It's a hell of a lot of work. When parents get lazy and ignore a bad behavior half the time and go ballistic the other half of the time, the kids get confused and end up learning that the behavior is only unacceptable if they get caught. (How many adults do you know that are like this?)

I would bet that the majority of the prison population right now did not have consistent discipline and supervision when growing up. As a child I may have done some crazy stuff, but nothing that would ever get me in trouble with the law or my get parents involved. That was the kiss of death as far as I knew. Many delinquents have no such fear of authority and consequnces.

These days, you see Jeremiah Wayne Higgins 17 years old on trial for murdering a convenience store clerk and raping the dead body... and there is his momma on the 6 o'clock news telling everyone that he was a good boy and somebody else put him up to it. Riiigght...

Some people think that my method of disciplining kids is mamby pamby. It is sort of, but it seems to work over the long haul. Corporal punishment is a double edged sword, it doesn't work on some kids, and on others it teaches that physical violence can elicit desired behavior from others. Usually a spanking should be the last resort for when the kid is doing something extremely stupid, dangerous and has ignored every other form of punishment. Got to save back the big guns for special occasions.

People look at the way I interact with my kids and are often perplexed. They don't know what to think. I guess these days holding people accountable for their actions is so mid 20th century... When my children are respectful, well behaved and are doing what they are supposed to do, I play with them, take them places and offer lots of praise. When they act up, cuss, lie, destroy each others stuff, write on the walls etc... I punish them, every single time. They must also explain to me exactly what they did and why it was wrong. Then usually 30 min in a chair in the corner is enough to get them to think twice. If the behavior continues, then the offending child misses the next outing, movie, party, visit to relatives etc..

My in laws think my way of disciplining the kids is inhumane. They always get pissed off and try to contradict me by bringing a special present for the child being punished. These dumb asses don't realize this sort of stupid behavior is why both of their sons are convicted felons and their youngest daughter is a psychopath and pathological liar.

Right now, my thinking is, if I don't put 100% into raising these kids they will grow up emotionally and intellectually crippled. They need to be able to go out into the world and become productive, honest and well adjusted members of society. I don't want to spend my golden years, bailing them out of jail, raising my grand kids and constantly dealing with fucked up drama. My 80 year old grandmother is still dealing with daily bullshit from her 49 year old twins. I'll have none of it thanks.

My father told me that the goal of a good parent is to have their children surpass the parents, emotionally, spiritually and financially. He was right. Nothing will make me more proud than to have my children grow up to be better than me.