Odd people

I've met lots of strange, creepy and funny people in my travels. I'm sure they will be happy to be immortalized here.


When I was growing up I would stay over at my best friends house. This was all fine and dandy except the problem was his mom liked to walk around naked. She would also call her teenage son into the bathroom make him to rub medicine on her back while she was naked on the toilet taking a dump. I was really embarrassed for him.

During the summer she would come home on her lunch hour with some guy she just met. She would send us kids outside, then have sex in the front living room with the windows and blinds open. We would wait outside on the sidewalk until she got done. She always wanted to kiss the youngest son goodbye with the mouth she just blew the stranger with...Gross


There was a strange little man at my work that nobody could stand.

He had a really high squeaky voice, smelled really bad and had a club foot.

He was a pervert who groped his female co-workers. Instead of firing him, they moved him into an office with me. (I don't know who I pissed off to get stuck with him) All day, he would tell me stories about his days as a prison guard and how he would climb down a rope to take pictures of the male inmates having sex. (He offered to show me his scrap book) If that wasn't bad enough, he was also an expert in animal husbandry and would explain all the gory details to anyone who would listen. This guy kept a large jar of decayed horse teeth on his desk. I really don't know why.

I'll tell you the worst thing of all was the fact he sold Amway distributorships. If you have ever met one of those you'll know exactly what I mean.


One time my friend and his younger brother rushed up to me and excitedly explained to me that they had found this really cool enlightened holy man and I should go with them to hear him talk.

I didn't have anything else better to do so I went with them to an apartment complex and entered the holy man's apartment through a broken sliding glass door.

Every inch of the 1200 square foot place was covered with black trash bags filled with clothes and junk. The place smelled bad. I figured this was going to get interesting.

In the middle sitting on a rug draped over the garbage bags sat the closest approximation to Charles Manson I can imagine. He was sipping a bottle of Bacardi 151 rum and was flanked by a Tec 9 and Beretta 9mm pistol on each side of him.

This guy started going off about the government. He showed me this copper tab on his necklace that supposedly was the key to all the secret government computers. He told us everyone was after his valuable key because they couldn't dominate the world as long as it was in his possession.

I didn't argue with the guy because he had the guns. I glanced over at my friends expecting them to be laughing at the practical joke they just pulled on me. But alas they were transfixed on Manson juniors crazed babbling.

Surprisingly this freaky smelly guy had a girlfriend. She told me that she had been travelling with this one hippy dude in a VW bus for 18 years until she met (crazy Manson dude), immediately fell in love and dumped her long time companion.

Up to this point I'm a little nervous and literally itching to get out of there when I notice the girlfriend is in a full 1960's style Star Trek uniform complete with tricorder and communicator.

I couldn't help but ask if she went to a convention or something. She told me that wore the uniform everyday because she believes in what the Federation of planets stands for.

Glancing at my watch I quickly bid the freaky people fare well. Annoyed at my unexpected departure my friends asked me " so what did you think man he's really out there right?"

I told them I couldn't agree more.