Thanks to burfica.... winner of the caption contest
The stupidest person I ever met.
When I was about 19 my horny ass friend got the most ignorant girl in the lower 48 states pregnant. Her name was Rosie. She was so dumb that she couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. She was also a bitch. My friend was smart and she was dumb as hell. The only thing they had in common was plumbing.
One night after partying at my friends apartment Rosie came home early and decided that she was mad at her husband for drinking beer and having fun. She decided to tell her husband (my best friend) that she was having an affair with me.
Of course this wasn't true but it was really embarrassing because my best friend was already jealous of me for not having an ignorant pregnant bitch wife. Now he was really pissed off that his wife was trying to get angry nookie out of him with me in the room.
I could have crawled into the woodwork. Of course my friend knew it wasn't true but he still was angry at me for having a bigger dick (according to Rosie) and his wife fantasizing about it. I left as soon as I possibly could, but it was important that he know that my nethers ever came close to her stinky fish hole. It was a catch 22. I couldn't say I would never put my dick anywhere near his preggo-tard wife without making him feel bad for having a tarderiffic wife to begin with.
To make matters worse he was my second in command at work and I had to deal with his crazy ass every day. He would come into work and tell me the play by play of the hard angry hot sex his wife would have with him while she was imagining me.
It was the the most uncomfortable menage a trois I have NEVER been involved in.
Thanks burfica, I'm going to have to go back into therapy.
posted by Bill Rowland @ January 30, 2007
27 Comments
27 Comments:
Okay, I'm loving this blog topic. I suspect that guy was second in command not only at work.
Welcome back, I hope that you had a good vacation. Rosie & your friend sound like a good candidate for the Jerry Springer show.
All my blog peeps have "sex related" stories as of late...
So, how big are you in your lower region? I promise this question is strictly for professional use. Ya' know in case I want to add one more man to my list of sailors! ;) As if I don't have my hands full enough already!
tarderiffic! I'm stealing that and adding to my dictionary of words not in the dictionary. :)
Terrific story ! (v. good topic Burfica). So how did it end with your best friend? Did he come over it, or did you eventually change jobs and found yourself a new best friend? 'hope that motherhood put some sense in that poor Rosie's head.
Welcome back, Hammer.
Why is it that you men believe it is about to have so big dick as possible?
I know cases where that is the reason for divorce. The woman can not manage after a while. In the beginning, it's maybe nice, but after some time when the regular sex-life starts, it becomes too much.
I don't know about stupid but she was definitely twisted and your friend was into it.
How excruciating for you.
jocelyn: He wasn't a bad guy when he was away from rosie. but when they were together it was oil and water. Except for the constant angry humping.
Brandon, thanks, I should have suggested it.
my truth hurts: lol according to Rosie it was pretty big. Enough to make her husband really pissed off.
Rach: hehe, I get 1/10 of a cent every time you use it ;)
Helene' He finally became so miserable from all the constant fighting that he divorced her after 2 years. He found another controlling woman who decided that he and I shouldn't be friends anymore. And that was that.
Kirsten: lol all the dick talk was Rosie's way of manipulating her husband. It must have been insulting to my friend though for him to get so angry. But I didn't have a dog in that fight.
Jeannie: she was dumb as a bag of dicks, but she compensated for it by being mean and manipulative.
Ha, ha, ha. Good story, glad I was never in that trap.
For the last nine years I've dated one screwed up woman after an other.
I haven't been going out much, just staying close to home. I was in town yesterday for some construction adhesive so I stopped at Beer Church for a while and the fun gang was there so I stayed for a while. But not too late.
I'm looking forward to getting my camp trailer road ready so I can hit the beaches and mountains. Maybe once in a while at the Eagles were I can sleep in it in the parking lot if I go dancing, and won't be driving home after drinking.
Maybe not, I'm pretty much done with letting today’s modern women mess with my mind. And I’m not having sex with them just because they want to have a little fun, I know how to have great sex without them. Life is good…… Without a woman.
They can get a dildo and a case of batteries and leave me alone.
I had something very intelligent to say... until I read the part about "Beer Church" in BBC's comments... Now - where the hell was I?
Welcome back, Hammer! And gosh that menagerie sounds, um, er, ick.
I think those kinds of girls are cloned and planted all across the country. My first husband was our locals target. What a piece of work.
Kirsten wrote:
>>I know cases where that is the reason for divorce. The woman can not manage after a while. In the beginning, it's maybe nice, but after some time when the regular sex-life starts, it becomes too much.<<
Small world! Who knew that Kirsten knew my ex wife!
Those situations ARE uncomfortable. Like when your good friend's husband is a little too huggy, for instance & always seems to show up in the kitchen when you are in there alone. Of course the wife is dogging him...& shows up, too. putting me in a situation I didn't ask for.
I hate that kind of shit.
What do you do about it
preggo-tard?
I must have grown up in the wrong world...
I sure missed out on some unusual appelations...
If your friend was smart, he was also afflicted. The mind boggles when the scent is in the air, I guess...
I still can't figure out which one of them is really the stupidest one. The stupid one or the stupid one who remains married to the stupid one?
So I posted about how unhappy I was with women this morning, and then went to visit your blog to see what you had posted and you posted this story. Once again you and I and the cosmos aligned. Interesting. But don’t ask me how it works.
I have a friend who hates me at the moment. She thinks I've betrayed her by not telling her I caught up with an old friend (male) who she just happens to be totally OBSESSED with - so much so that she thinks she's going to marry this guy (who no more wants to marry her than DIE!)one day - she has a husband and 2 kids too!!
Why do people create whole fantasies in their heads? Especially when it involves other people and THEY don't even KNOW about it!!! Fucked up!!?? Yep!
Anyway, don't you guys know how big each other's dicks are simply because you have to pee next to each other???? ;)
BBC: I'm extremely fortunate to be married to a good woman. The ones I dated previously ended up going insane, to jail or both.
Ryan: lol we're over here ;)
Kim: Ick is right.
kat: Jealousy, ego's, manipulation etc..so many games I don't have time for.
L>T, Exactly. I guess the grass is always greener for some folks.
Scott: His little head did most of the thinking when the scent was in the air. He was no better than a wild ape when around women. But totally different otherwise.
jp: The one who should know better is the one I should blame .
BBC: I don't have a problem with women, it's just society and the sore thumbs that seem to stick up from time to time.
KB: Your friend's situation is another one of those things that are totally based on hormones instead of logic. It'd terrible what the lower animal parts of our brain can do to wreck our lives when not kept in check.
Oh, and I'm not a pene gawker. I like to keep my gaze away from the trouser trouts. ;)
tardiffic!!!
good one.
yep
people
yep.....
I'm so glad I didn't win the caption competition. Bifurca's question was way better than anything I could have thought to ask.
The amazing range of people you've had to deal with in your life never ceases to amaze me. I've known some characters, but never got close enough to almost be drawn into the kind of mess this lady was trying to cook up.
You would be a therapists dream. They would barely be able to take notes, and wouldn't help you at all. All their thoughts would be on publishing the gold mine of situations you would be dropping into their lap. You'd be a therapist golden goose.
What a bitch! Did he stay with her? You have the most crazy stories, I love them!!!
Yup your therapist paid me to come up with those questions. hehehehhee
I must be totally off, cuz when I was thinking of the stupidest person. I was sure you meant him. Cuz he could have just left. duh. LOL
Sorta like, even though I'm a woman. If a woman gets beat more than once in a relationship, then I think it's her fault, she needs to get her happy ass and her kids butts out of the situation.
Okay I'm off my box now. hehehe
Oh and by the way, you have been tagged!!! check out my blog for the details.
Infinitesimal: Yep not sure where tarderiffic came from.
Jam: Yeah I think I would have to charge a therapist for all the juicy stuff he could put in his book.
Jenny: Nah he left and decided to pay child support.
Burfica: he was really dumb around all women. he though he had to to the old fashioned thing by marrying rosie. Thankfully he never beat her. He came close to shooting himself in the head a few times though.
Is it wrong that preggo tard wife got me aroused? ;)
Steve~
Steve: So very wrong ;)
I tagged you again, cuz the only person I can think of that is weirder than you is Steve. But that is cuz he's weirder than most organic things. hehehehe
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