Dissecting the blogosphere Part II

Diary blogger: I got up this morning, brushed my teeth with my Reach power glide and Colgate pump with whitening power. I took a dump, it was kind of greenish brown probably from the cabbage. I wiped 4 times with Charmin ultra wide using a total of 27 sheets of double ply...I cooked and ate two medium free range organic eggs and drank 4oz of grapefruit juice. I placed the Smith and Wesson .44 magnum with the 5.5 inch ventilated rib barrel to my temple when the phone rang....

Complaint blogger: I got out of bed this morning and my corns were giving me hell so I injected some morphine into my IV that I keep permanently attached to my arm. I'm almost out of my herpes medicine and my diverticulitis is starting to make my colon back up like Christmas at the shopping mall. I think I need to have my other appendix removed or maybe my it's my spleen. I wish the voices in my head would quit interrupting me. "shut up Kenneth!" Sorry, that's the conjoined twin brother growing out of my liver. He's very rude and demanding.

Demented blogger, I was pushing a glass pipette into my urethra just to see how far it would go, when my wife Vickie walked into the bedroom and said ooh gross and hit my pecker with a hairbrush. The glass shattered causing me to run around the room screaming pain. I hemorrhaged all over the wall paper and Vickie licked up all the blood because in reality she is a vampire. God I love her.

Spammy blog: Hi, I'm Kevin and this is my blog! Don't worry about the 50,000 pop ups that appear when you view my blog, that's all you. You probably got some spy ware from somebody, not me nope! Hey! I know some great software for only $49.95 that removes that. Getstuffed.com has everything for your spy ware and malware needs. Did I mention that I know this great place to get Viagra and male enhancement products? Need a fake Rolex?

Bush is Satan blog. Usually has several photo shopped pictures of George Bush as a monkey, stealing candy from babies, urinating on homeless people, raping farm animals. Lots of slogans Bush is the Antichrist, He stole the election, Bush flew 9/11 planes by remote control. These blogs don't offer any ideas or plans to fix the country just lots of name calling and recipes for tofu.

Power Blogger: Posts about 70 times per day, usually just random one liners about anything that pops into their mind: I just realized that I have twelve letters in my name. Isn't that interesting? I also have twelve pimples on my butt. Isn't that a strange coincidence? I hate broccoli It gives me gas. My enema bag just exploded in the shower this morning, I wonder if I'm using it correctly?

Party Blogger: Here are some pics from our last blowout. This one is of Charlie puking into the beer bong and there is Lance drunk and passed out in a puddle of his own waste. Man, that guy knows how to have fun! Here is a pic of me injecting animal tranquilizers . I don't remember much after that. I can't wait till next week! It's my 13th birthday and mom says we can have hookers.

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Religious Blogger: This day is blessed, I went to church this morning and we had a wonderful sermon on how to handle poisonous snakes while praising god. Then I ate some cereal and saw the lord smiling up at me from my corn flakes. I am just so blessed and happy because the lord loves people like me and hates people like you. Have a blessed day!