Kids are funny, confusing and infuriating.
I've been home with the kids for the 5th day due to a rare ice storm . Keeping them entertained, happy, fed, and out of mischief is easier said than done.
Our dogs have to be inside during this weather as well, which makes for added fun.
They actually play together pretty well, making forts from pillow cushions and putting on combinations of old halloween costumes and acting out epic battles with imaginary monsters.
Mostly, this is my son's imagination, He acts while directing his little sisters. I can't help but laugh when the littlest one walks in wearing a combination of batman pajamas, my furry green hunting, cap, a cape made from a bath towel and swimming flippers. They run around the house armed with light sabers, plastic scimitars, cardboard tubes and toy guns shoved in their waistbands.
The dogs get dressed in doll clothes if they can't run fast enough.
One time I walked into the bathroom and there was daughter number #2 sitting on the toilet holding our dachshund. I closed the door and asked:
Hammer: (through the bathroom door) What the heck are you doing taking a crap with a dog in your lap?
Oldest daughter: I had to go poop.
Hammer: With the dog?
Oldest daughter: Yes, it took me a long time to catch him.
Hammer: You're going to have to put him down to wipe your butt.
Oldest daughter: Nuh uh! I can do it
Hammer: Whatever, but I had better not find dirty underwear hidden in your toy box like last time.
Oldest daughter: Ok dad!
There is usually a lot of commotion, a dull roar accentuated by a squeals and giggles. It's when things get quiet or too loud, that's when I have to go investigate.
Son: Dad! Sister called me the "B" word
Sister #2 Nooooooo!!!!
Sister #1 Yes you did don't lie.
Hammer: Which "B" word?
Son: The second one...
Sister # 2 NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Sister #1 Don't lie! I heard you ( said with a smirk of self satisfaction)
Hammer: What second word? You had better not be messing with me or I'll put you all down for a nap.
Son: You know, the second "B" word....
Sister # 2 I did not call him a bastard!!! (oops)
Hammer: Ok Sister # 2 goes in time out for 30 min the rest of you go play.
Sister # 2 WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH I DIDN"T DO IT!!!!!!!!
Hammer: You had better tell the truth or I'll send you to your room for the rest of the afternoon.
Sister #2 WAAAAAAAHHHHHH.....hmm ok I called him a bastard. Sorry dad.
Our dogs have to be inside during this weather as well, which makes for added fun.
They actually play together pretty well, making forts from pillow cushions and putting on combinations of old halloween costumes and acting out epic battles with imaginary monsters.
Mostly, this is my son's imagination, He acts while directing his little sisters. I can't help but laugh when the littlest one walks in wearing a combination of batman pajamas, my furry green hunting, cap, a cape made from a bath towel and swimming flippers. They run around the house armed with light sabers, plastic scimitars, cardboard tubes and toy guns shoved in their waistbands.
The dogs get dressed in doll clothes if they can't run fast enough.
One time I walked into the bathroom and there was daughter number #2 sitting on the toilet holding our dachshund. I closed the door and asked:
Hammer: (through the bathroom door) What the heck are you doing taking a crap with a dog in your lap?
Oldest daughter: I had to go poop.
Hammer: With the dog?
Oldest daughter: Yes, it took me a long time to catch him.
Hammer: You're going to have to put him down to wipe your butt.
Oldest daughter: Nuh uh! I can do it
Hammer: Whatever, but I had better not find dirty underwear hidden in your toy box like last time.
Oldest daughter: Ok dad!
There is usually a lot of commotion, a dull roar accentuated by a squeals and giggles. It's when things get quiet or too loud, that's when I have to go investigate.
Son: Dad! Sister called me the "B" word
Sister #2 Nooooooo!!!!
Sister #1 Yes you did don't lie.
Hammer: Which "B" word?
Son: The second one...
Sister # 2 NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Sister #1 Don't lie! I heard you ( said with a smirk of self satisfaction)
Hammer: What second word? You had better not be messing with me or I'll put you all down for a nap.
Son: You know, the second "B" word....
Sister # 2 I did not call him a bastard!!! (oops)
Hammer: Ok Sister # 2 goes in time out for 30 min the rest of you go play.
Sister # 2 WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH I DIDN"T DO IT!!!!!!!!
Hammer: You had better tell the truth or I'll send you to your room for the rest of the afternoon.
Sister #2 WAAAAAAAHHHHHH.....hmm ok I called him a bastard. Sorry dad.
posted by Bill Rowland @ January 18, 2007
20 Comments
20 Comments:
So what did the little bastard do?
BBC: Other than entertain his little sisters not much.
I had better not find dirty underwear hidden in your toy box like last time.
thank you - you've just made me feel so much better! :)
I actually taught my kids how to play Monopoly. I go back to work today.
ok i just poured my heart and soul into a comment and it vanished into bloggerville
i give up
Hillarious ... I remember those days with my kids, yeah...
seriously, it was like, 3 paragraphs long....
effing blogger. for real i hate them now.
feinds
I was just being a smart ass. :-)
Infintesimal.... Copy/paste, copy/paste. It always happens when you forget to. Some kind of cosmic shit hey? Na, just imperfect computers and Internet.
I don't know why the little people always think that the Freemasons are always out to get them, Hammer.
Famous Freemasons
One of the best boss's I ever had was a Mason.
The dogs are so cute - Fleas Navidog indeed!
The kids with the paint? Did you find that pic online or did it happen to you? Oh my God. They would be dead babies for sure. I did something similar when I was little with my sister's Jergens lotion in our bedroom.
Oh to have the imagination of a child again.
ha ha ha! What's the first B word?
My nephews insult each other with Baby.
J6: You're the baby
N3: No. You're the baby
J6: No. You are
N3: You are
etc... endlessly until they start hitting each other and N. cries.
Hammer trapped in a house with little kids in an ice storm. Sounds like a little cabin fever will hit before too long.
Teehee. I love how you write about your kids. It seems we weren't part of our dad's existance and is nice to see a man that really enjoys his kids.
LOL - what a humorous post. :D I'm hoping it thaws there sometime soon for y'all. I'm sorry to laugh Hams, but I cracked up when I read about the "b" word.
m: happy to help ;)
alandp: Me too but it was pure torture ;)
infinitesimal: sheesh that bites. Maybe you can paraphrase because I'd like to hear what you have to say.
jeannie: No but I've had similar issues with permannet markers and scissors.
helene: #1 is bitch, I finally broke them of that one. My son has never cussed but my daughters are like sailors when I'm out of earshot.
JAM: You got that right, I was going nuts, couldn't even go outside.
carrie: they are a barrel of laughs most of the time. sometimes I have to put on my "mad face" and try to keep from laughing when I need them to listen to me. Doesn't always work.
Barista: Just thawed today, thank god, Yeah, we have run through the whole alpahbet by now.
That paint picture looks like my son and Princess. He once painted her with red paint retrieved from a locked cabinet over the refrigerator. In the middle of the night. I like to read your stories about your kids too, Pap kept control by making them do chores, they were always so glad to see me come home.
That is fantastic...and makes me so glad that I only have one at the moment! I love the paint picture...what I would want to do to my kid had he done something like that.
Infintesimal - what he said. Type it in an email and cut and paste. That way if the Imps of Satan steal it you've still got it somewhere.
and Hammer, yer hilarious man. Wait a few years till their vocabulary gets better.
I just can't begin to imagine a rare ice storm (or even a regular one for that matter!!)
That all just sounds amusing - dress-ups are the best (especially dressed-up dogs!!)...the dog on the toilet thing...it's like games don't stop for ANYTHING!! haha!
kat: red paint? I feel fortunate now ;) Yeah my kids do chores but make messes that balance things out.
Jenny: I thought one kid was work, three aren't much harder because they keep each other entertained and in trouble.
fathairybastard:I can't imagine what they'll be saying in a few years.
KB: Always warm there in NZ?
Part of me think the dogs like the attention but they sometimes have a "god please help me" look on their faces.
Hey!! I've SEEN that look on dogs (and a few kittens we have owned!) faces!
No, it's not always warm, we have cold winters - well, we don't get snow where I live (only on the mountains and occasionally on the close hills). It does snow at ground level in other places though.
In my lifetime I have only been snowed-in once - and it melted during the day, so it wasn't very MUCH snow!!
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