Tagged if I could be a ...

Barista tagged me on this one:

The moral of the story here is to pick 3 of the prompts and complete the sentence….”If I could…..”
If I could be a scientist…If I could be a farmer…If I could be a musician…If I could be a doctor…If I could be a painter…If I could be a gardener…If I could be a missionary…If I could be a chef…If I could be an architect…If I could be a linguist…If I could be a psychologist…If I could be a librarian…If I could be an athlete…If I could be a lawyer…If I could be an innkeeper…If I could be a professor…If I could be a writer…If I could be a backup dancer…If I could be a llama-rider…If I could be a bonnie pirate…If I could be a midget stripper…If I could be a proctologist…If I could be a TV-chat show host…If I could be an actor…If I could be a judge…If I could be a Jedi…If I could be a mob boss…If I could be a backup singer…If I could be a CEO…If I could be a movie reviewer…If I could be a film maker…If I could be a sherpa…If I could be a ninja…If I could be a cab driver…If I could be a secret agent…If I could be a hobbit…If I could be on Michael Jackson’s jury…If I could be President…If I could be a disc jockey…If I could be Celine Dion…If I could be a blackjack dealer…

Here's mine.

If I could be a proctologist I would make it my life long goal to surgically remove people's heads from their asses.

If I could be a scientist I would invent a cure for stupidity and lack of horse sense.

If I could be a judge I would let all the perpetrators of victimless and procedural crimes go free.

I tag anyone who wants to be tagged.