Dissecting the blogosphere part III
In this ongoing series I examine and describe the many styles of blogs and bloggers that are out there. If you see one of these bloggers walking down the street, cross to the other side and do not make eye contact.
Ex-girlfriend blogger: OMG! I am so glad to be free again. Me and the girls went out to the bar and drank shots all night long. I woke up in a taxi with no panties, so I must have had a good time! weeeee... I think I'm still drunk. Oh crap! I'm going to be late for my job at the teen drug and alcohol crisis hot line.
Divorced blogger: Yep, just sittin here scratchin my balls, they're gettin a little cheesy so I had better remember to wash em on Saturday. It seems everything around the house is falling apart. All the good stuff went to my Ex. She and her new wife broke into my apartment and stole it all when I was at work earning her alimony money. Only thing she left me were the credit card bills. I saw a big pile of cinder blocks and old wood outside by the dumpster, so I'm going to make me an entertainment center and a coffee table. I'll take pictures in case you want to make one too. Tomorrow I'm going to share my recipe for Top Ramen and beanie weenie casserole. Yumm!
Sex blogger: Usually has lots of artsy naked female pictures. People are encouraged to post messages and make requests for different types of sex stories. Kind of like an online dirty romance novel, Except it's really written by a 300lb guy named Vito with lots of hair on his back and and none on his head. He was truthful about one thing .... he does have perfect 36C tits.
Myspace blogger: I just met the cutest guy online! He is 22, a self made millionaire, drives a Porshe and wants to meet me alone by the bathrooms in the park at midnight! How romantic is that? Maybe you've met him.. his handle is repeatoffender557.
Ex-girlfriend blogger: OMG! I am so glad to be free again. Me and the girls went out to the bar and drank shots all night long. I woke up in a taxi with no panties, so I must have had a good time! weeeee... I think I'm still drunk. Oh crap! I'm going to be late for my job at the teen drug and alcohol crisis hot line.
Divorced blogger: Yep, just sittin here scratchin my balls, they're gettin a little cheesy so I had better remember to wash em on Saturday. It seems everything around the house is falling apart. All the good stuff went to my Ex. She and her new wife broke into my apartment and stole it all when I was at work earning her alimony money. Only thing she left me were the credit card bills. I saw a big pile of cinder blocks and old wood outside by the dumpster, so I'm going to make me an entertainment center and a coffee table. I'll take pictures in case you want to make one too. Tomorrow I'm going to share my recipe for Top Ramen and beanie weenie casserole. Yumm!
Sex blogger: Usually has lots of artsy naked female pictures. People are encouraged to post messages and make requests for different types of sex stories. Kind of like an online dirty romance novel, Except it's really written by a 300lb guy named Vito with lots of hair on his back and and none on his head. He was truthful about one thing .... he does have perfect 36C tits.
Myspace blogger: I just met the cutest guy online! He is 22, a self made millionaire, drives a Porshe and wants to meet me alone by the bathrooms in the park at midnight! How romantic is that? Maybe you've met him.. his handle is repeatoffender557.
Jilted blogger: Well... The rest of Penelope's stuff is in the living room waiting to be picked up by her brother. STUPID BITCH!....I miss her so badly since the breakup and wish she would change her mind.. FUCKING SKANK! I cried myself to sleep last night remembering the wonderful times we had together and so totally regret taking her to that sideshow featuring Elephant "Dong" Johnson. FILTHY SLUT! If you are reading this Penelope darling please come home.
Transendental blogger: Today we shall reach into our chakras and hug our inner child. Jupiter is in the 5th house and mercury is aligned with mars. We all know what that means.... That's right! time to douche with green tea...so refreshing! All you enlightened believers need to remember to send me a blank, signed check so I can do a cleansing ceremony on your bank account. This will bring special enlightenment to you for the new year. Praise Goddess!
posted by Bill Rowland @ January 21, 2007
28 Comments
28 Comments:
I close my eyes and cross the street, right away!!!
The picture of the guy on the armchair is a classic, mind you he may have looked more realistic by wearing flip flops LOL
you need to publish this far and wide!!
Hammer talking about blogs is amusing. I notice that many of the blogs stating happiness and bubbling ‘I love life’ stuff and lots of XOXOXOXO’s and whatnot are really depressed and unhappy people. Usually women but not always.
He has got a funny blog, it won’t fix the world but it is funny. I also find it amusing that his wife doesn’t know that her monkey has a blog. LOL
Spotted on a blog….“I vote for the candidate that I believe will paralyze the government the most. The last thing we need is a fully functional government looking for something to do.”
The funniest thing about this is how true it is.
Kirsten: wise move ;)
Judith yeah he looks a little dated also with the generic beer.
M: thanks!
Yep I wrote about the xoxoxxox blogs back in August before anyone was really reading. I was just learning back then about the oddity of blogs.
Yes a paralyzed government is the best.
There are so many stories to tell, but not many know how to go about telling them. You do a great job of making every story worth reading, and waiting for the next one. I can connect my own blog with several types you have mentioned in this series, but not any single one in particular.
Ham~~ I SWEAR my name isn't Vito!!
This post made me grin!
My Space: Recently on People's Court a case was heard involving a woman that met a guy on My Space. They chatted for a month then hooked up, sleeping together the first night. She bought him a car and some other things, then he dumped her after 3 weeks. She was in court suing to receive payment for the gifts. Of course, Judge Milian told her like it is "You are a ho and you paid him for sex -get out of my courtroom."
You know who reminds me of all these descriptions? Gut Rumbles Rob!
I still don't think you quite got me right...
You meant demented blogger, right? In part 2?
Well..you know what...on second thought...I think I can live with demented blogger. ;)
Steve~
I'm still avoiding your catagories, but it's not easy.
I haven't found too many of today's - Have you read Raymi's www.raymitheminx.blogspot.com and now her Mom's? I don't even quite know how to categorize them. I avoid for a while then check it out again - I think they make me feel normal.
JP: That is a heck of a compliment.
Believe it or not I didn't get many ideas from my regular reads, just the broken records I see from browsing around. I think the regular readers are itching for me to do a satire on their blogs. Could be entertaining but risky.
Cheesy: lol you're not a full time sex blogger who takes requests, but if you were, I would probably want some proof ;)
nomas: That is hilarious. Myspace has been getting a lot of wacko press lately. Yeah I just thought of the exwife bloodless cunt posts from rob. He was probably an inspiration even though he made it all interesting and entertaining.
Steven: Yeah you are demented blogger, I didn't want to get too gross, that's your job ;)
Ryan: I'll get you sooner or later ;)
Jeannie: that is one freaky blog. You're right I feel very normal now. :D
I'm wondering where I fall in. ;-)
ha! those were all hilarious...I particularly like the myspace blogger...LOLOL !!
What about the whoa is me blogger???
The one that no matter what happens in his life, does a whoa is me story. If everything is perfect. All of a sudden he has a horrible headache and is tired. Can't be happy ever!!!!
Why do I attract these kinds of people??
I need therapy. hehehehe
Top Ramen and beanie weenie casserole
Hammer, funny post or even serious posts, I laugh out loud at something or other you write. But then I was that kid in class that got in trouble because I couldn't stop laughing at the class clown.
Rose, that cinches it I'll have to come up with a funny post about everyones blog :D
Rach: Those myspace pages are scary. I tried to join up once but even the homepage gave me a rash.
Burfica: That is another type worthy of ridicule err observation ;)
jam: lol it took 37 years for anyone to get my sense of humor. Before that, people just scooted their desks away from me told the teacher I that wanted to eat their ear wax.
I don't visit my space, I don't visit a lot of spaces. Hell, I'm busy enough with my own space.
Now, where is that damn duct tape?
Lol Hammer. So what kind of blogger am I? Don't answer that.
Actually, hammer. Is there a Bitchy Blogger? I think I fit in there.
BBC: They come with their own duct tape.
thebillmaker: Nah you're a miscellaneous. you don't make bitchy comments like the real bitchy bloggers do ;)
How about the arrogant "I'm a writer" blogger who is convinced he will be discovered and published at any moment.
I look forward to it.
I think my favorite is the "Bush is Satan Blogger". Could you include a few links? I'm trying to beef up my Ani Difranco lingo.
ha... your audience here loves you!
...and with good reason.
Can't wait to hear your description of my blog... especially since I am posting again.
LOL.
Getting pretty crowded here.
after being so detailed about it, it is not easy to keep away from all the catagories tat you have listed... >.<
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