Renaissance festival

I went on an outing with some friends I met online. We all decided to go to a Renaissance festival just outside Houston, Texas. We had folks come from Canada, California, New York and so on. Probably about 13 of us guys and one girl. She showed up for some hot geek action (very weird)

We ended up going to the Renaissance festival on a Saturday. I was amazed by all of the people actually nerdier than I am. Every 350 pound woman was dressed as a bar wench with their enormous 7 foot long cleavage hanging out. Everyone working a booth was dressed in some period costume speaking their medieval dork speak. I am not really into that sort of thing but I do like the crafts, glass blowing, blacksmithing, brewing, archery etc.. The festival was so huge and redundant it repeated itself almost exactly in about four areas. I had a good time once I got over being embarrassed for other people.

Suddenly I witnessed one of the strangest things I had ever seen. There were these two guys dressed up as Norsemen. Let me start off by saying I'm about 6 feet 5 inches and weigh about 265Lbs and not fat either. I approached these guys and immediately felt like a dwarf. They were both easily 6 inches taller than me, with legs as big as tree trunks and their arms were about the diameter of telephone poles. They had giant wild red beards that stuck out all over the place and were wearing kilts. These were easily the biggest scariest mofo's I have ever seen. They were each guzzling large flagons of mead and letting the suds drip off of their faces. Everyone was getting out of their way. Not surprisingly these guys were off to the Caber Toss where they pick up giant telephone poles and fling them as far as they can. I would want those guys on my side in a bar fight thats for sure.

Later that night I got to know some of my online friends a little better. These two Russians were cool as hell. I don't know why were were ever enemies with these people. They like women, guns and beer just as much as every other red blooded male. I only had a problem with one Canadian fellow. All of us were at an Outback steak house next to our hotel drinking many pitchers of beer and shooting the shit. We happened to get on the subject of self defense.

The Canadian fellow I'll call "Pussy McFaggotass" loudly stated that there is absolutely no excuse or justifiable reason for taking another human life. A couple of us chimed in and asked, "what if you walked in and your girlfriend was being raped?" Pussy McFaggotass confidently stated that he would let the rapist finish and leave then he would call the police. A good friend of mine went balls out ballistic and loudly exclaimed "I would grab the rapist by the throat, cut off his pecker, cut off his head and impale it on a pike then bathe in his blood!!!

McFaggotass turned white as a sheet and started sliding down in his chair like he was going to pass out. The Outback manager came over and told us we had to leave after that outburst. Unbeknownst to us a 9th grade girls soccer team had been seated behind us and were intently listening to our conversation. The Soccer mom's faces were beet red. Oh well. It needed to be said.