Expressions you may not have heard
Being raised around folks with peculiar speech patterns, I've picked up quite a few slang terms along the way. I'm sure every culture has them to some extent. These phrases are useful in that they help draw a clearer picture and emphasize the topic of discussion.
Some examples:
He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. (He's really dumb)
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
He went to shit and the hogs ate him. (I have no idea where he went)
Shit or get off the pot (make up your mind and do something)
It's like a monkey fucking a football. (disorganized mass confusion)
His breath could knock a buzzard off a gut truck (smells really bad)
Don't drink the water or you'll shit yourself inside out. (You'll get dysentery)
That dog don't hunt (It won't work)
Stopping in for a Mcdumper. (Using a fast food restroom with no intention of buying anything)
Monkey Bath (It's so hot that when you enter the tub you go: ooo ooh aaah ahhh eeep!)
When someone shits rainbows ( seemingly can do no wrong)
Hope these come in handy,
posted by Bill Rowland @ April 26, 2009
47 Comments
47 Comments:
"Shit or get off the pot" is the only one I've heard. There are some really funny ones listed here!
Hopping like a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.
Self-explanatory, and one of my favorites.
Shit or get off the pot!
That's one of my favorites that's probably over-used on my part. I work with a lot of indecisive assholes!
shaking like a dog crapping peach pits.
nervous as a ________ trying to read (fill in the blank).
harder than chinese arithmetic.
I have heard, and use numbers 1, 3,4,6, and 8. Although I use the variation of 3- fell in the trough and the pigs ate 'em.
The most used one around here is "if it were up your butt eating a ham sandwich you'd know", in response to
"where is my....?"
Also- "Like a cow pissing on a flat rock", in regards to rain. And "slicker than cat shit on a linoleum floor" for neat stuff.
I'm ready to enter any presidential debate now.
I wouldn't piss in Obama's mouth if his teeth were on fire.
Nervous as a whore in church.
Useless as tits on a Boar Hog....Busier than a three legged cat,coverin up shit in a stack of marbles....Hotter than a pair of jumper cables,at a Mexican funeral....Sweatin like a Baptist preacher,at a tent revival. I worked with a good ol boy who had one for every occasion.
Nervous as a long-tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
And around here, "He sure was all rang up about that." Meaning overly excited, wound up.
Happy Monday, Hammer!
Thanks!
~AM
I have heard most of them before but have never been creative enough to work them into a post.
Ha! We must run in the same circles, although I must admit I've never heard "He went to shit and the hogs ate him," but you can bet I'll find a place where I can use that!
I've never tried to hunt geese with a rake before....
"He went to shit and the hogs ate him."
In polite circles we say "He proceeded to defecate and was devoured by the swine."
Yeah, I have heard and used the expressions since I wuz a lad...'knee high to a jack rabbit'
Heh! Not only have I heard of alll of them, I use most of them daily!
Good ones.
B-)>
Walrilla
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Heard most of them at one time or another.
Have you ever heard, "Ugly enough to snag lightning?". That was one of my grandfather's favorites. :D
The rainbows one was the only one I've heard! These will be integrated into my daily conversation shortly... priceless!
"Shit or get off the pot" and "It's like a monkey fucking a football" have always been 2 of my Dad's favorites. When I was little he cleaned it up to monkey "fornicating" a football. ;)
"Useless as tits on a Boar Hog" I use this one all the time.
I'm still giggling over Mcdumper.
LOL, a few of my favorites...
"Who gives a flying fuck through a rolling donut." - supremely stupid/boring/etc
" *Name*'s gonna shit purple twinkies" - so amazingly bad or amazingly good
Fair to Midling.(Doing Good)
As in "How are things going?"
"Oh..fair to Midling"
That is one of my favorites because when you say it to someone they give you this funny look or say "well that's good".
Just adding a few "old favorites" to your mix here:
Hornier than a three-peckered billy goat.
Slicker than owl snot on a doorknob.
Fuck a Duck.
Piss up a rope.
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
I think most of these came to me complements of my illustrious ex-husband and his expansive vocabulary.
Peace.
i heard someone say it's colder than a witch's titty in a cast iron bra
I thought it was great
Crazy,as a sprayed roach....Richer,than three foot up a bulls ass....Ugly,as home made sin....Hot, as a two dollar pistol.
I don't think I've heard any of those before. I'm going to adopt shitting rainbows.......but then I am a little behind today:)
Cheers
I plan to translate all these for my daddy. :) He lives for this sh*t. :) McDumper...ha! The kids will like that one!
"Shit or get off the pot" is used here, too.
I like that McDumper-never heard that one!
Guess I can put the rake away eh?
Another personal favorite I use often:
Hotter than a dead witch's tit.
Oh, and as I read up, I am also reminded of:
Slicker than two slugs fucking in a saucer of snot...
I have used 99% of those ...they make people double take usually
Guess we don't hang with the colourful people. Never heard a lot of these - shit or get off the pot excepted and a few in the comments but it was men in my Dad's generation that used such expressions for the most part and they seem to have died out.\\
Shits rainbows is a lot like "the sun shines out of their ass"
Do like the McDumper one
I've been up and down more than a whore's underwear.
Colder than a well diggers wank.
I am going to have to remember the McDump one...ROTFLMAO!
Another one for you is, "This is like making love in a wetsuit, you go through the motions but don't feel a thing."
Late to the show, sorry.
How about:
-Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road
-fucked up like a football bat
-fucked up like a soup sandwich
-anatomical reference: harder than a six pack of frozen neck bones
-fucked up like Hogan's goat
-harder'n woodpecker lips (tough guy)
-finer'n frog hair (pretty girl)
-Can I just go pound my nuts flat, instead? (I'd rather not do that)
-fucked up like polio
-On it like white on rice
-On it like a Hobo on a ham sandwich
-On it like an Eye-talian on a meatball
-Happier'n Rain Man watching Wapner
-More fun than a box of puppies
-herding cats
-ate up from the ground up
Boss Mongo got the mojo rising! Really good stuff there! So good I'm stealing some of it for future use.
I know that's tore (toe) up from the floor (flo) up like throw (tho) up...but it's all good in the hood!!!
Those phrases will be "as handy as a pocket on a shirt."
Stiff as a preacher's prick.
Harder than a honeymoon hard-on.
Her ass was two ax handles wide.
Colder than a well diggers ass in the Klondike.
Hotter than a two-dollar whore...
Would I sell you a rat's asshole for a wedding ring?
How about: You couldn't find your ass if you reached back and grabbed it with both hands.
Why, you think you're smarter than a forty pound robin.
She looked she could eat corn through a fence (buck toothed)
Almost forgot, here's a contribution from my Iraqi brethren:
-I'd beat him like a dog in a mosque
I can't believe you missed "crazy as a shit-house rat".
Uglier 'n a mud fence (though I personally use the 'homemade sin' variation routinely).
Runs like a scalded dog (that's fast!).
Happier than / More satisfied than / Contented like - a pig in shit.
And a "colorful" favorite of my ancestry: Be bringin' more grief than a nigger with a badge.
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