Great white hunter
It was a nice weekend so I decided to barbecue. I made fajitas, three kinds of salsa, guacamole and deviled eggs. We also tried a new recipe for spinach cheese dip with peppers.
Everything was really good. Instead of curling up for a nap after our feast, The kids and I tossed the nerf football around. My son loves football so I have to swallow my aversion to sports and do the best I can.
While we were playing, my girls noticed a squirrel jumping onto our roof and climbing through a hole it had chewed in the siding around the chimney. My wife had been complaining about rodent fucking and screeching noises on the roof or in the attic so I figured we had found their entry point.
Something had to be done, so I spent the better part of Saturday afternoon sitting in the back yard in a lawn chair with a cold beer and a Red Ryder lever action BB gun. The kids were very excited about the prospect of a squirrel killin and were dutifully scanning the trees and roof for my quarry.
Before you get any ideas, I've never purposefully killed anything by my own hand before, but when a tree rat chews through the side of my house and uses my attic as a fight and fuck club, they leave me no choice. This aggression will not stand.
I'm a pretty good shot, but I wasn't too familiar with this particular gun. I didn't dare take anything out of my real arsenal because I live in the city and sure don't need any more holes in my house.
Sure enough, about 40 minutes later my son spots one of the critters running long the limbs of our oak tree heading straight for the hole in the house. The squirrel paused for a second, just long enough for me to line up the sights and snap off a shot at his big furry squirrel rump.
All I heard was the clack of the air piston as the BB hit the critter right under the tail. "Dad! you got him!" the children exclaimed. The squirrel recovered his composure and darted for the safety of my attic. I worked the lever of the Red Ryder once more and fired without taking careful aim. The squirrel took another BB to the ribs then jumped into the hole.
Shit! Now he's going to either die in my attic and stink up the place or he will lick his wounds and live to fight and fuck another day.
I need to get a bigger BB gun.
posted by Bill Rowland @ April 21, 2008
40 Comments
40 Comments:
For your sake I hope he licks his wounds!
There's an easier way to do it, Hammer, and one that doesn't involve target practice with squirrel rumps (although target practice can be very cathartic after your experiences.)
Set up a wire noose or three in a place where the squirrels have to climb vertically or along a narrow ledge on their way in, with the "dead" end of the noose hooked down low or on the underside of the awning, branch, what have you. The squirrel comes along, pokes his head in, gets caught, struggles, falls off and hangs himself, and the trap is ready for use with no warning corpses and no need to climb up every time it catches one.
The squirrel in the attic? You're on your own there, unless you can squeeze in some tongs to grab him, live or dead. Or send Marvin in to clean up if it's dead - I'm pretty sure he'd make short work of it.
- ISU Tinker
You should ask Jeannie, I remember she had the same problem with squirrels in her attic, I think she gave them some "special" food, although I find squirrels fun and gentle animals, but I don't have any in my attic, it's why.
So, where did you take this photo? I thought it was your animal with children toy.
The barbecue seems yummy.
I don't think you'll manage to kill the squirrels with the bb gun. My husband shoots at squirrels with the kids' bb gun when they start taking over the bird feeder and all he manages to do is scare them off for the time being.
get some dynamite from the Acme Dynamite Company... that'll fix the problem.
OK........this is one of the most hysterical photographs I have ever seen!
Great post!
"fight and fuck club"
Ha!
The picture is priceless. There's nothing worse than the smell of a dead rodent in the house. Let's hope the squirrel you shot isn't a pregnant female.
"...get a bigger BB gun"
Or a silencer for the real stuff. Although a .22 should do it.
Oh My God... My father is a super squirrel killing sniper. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah
Although a .22 should do it. Get some .22 shorts if you don't already have some. Out of a sufficiently long rifle barrel, they'll make about as much noise as a pullet gun, altho you may want to double-check that by testing it in the country on some tin cans first. You neighbors might take exception to you running about the yard all Rambo'd up with your mini assault rifle. Tell 'em you'll share the squirrel dumplings.
You REALLY want to get them out before the problem gets worse. Those little fuckers will carry in all kinds of stuff that will rot in your attic. That will attract other bugs & vermin.
Another thought on how to keep 'em out (at least temporarily) is to create a small cone out of wire mesh like chicken wire. Attach it over the hole in your house so that it's easy for the little bastards to get out. When they try to crawl back in (what happens in fight and fuck club stays in fight and fuck club) they get poked by the sharp wires and go elsewhere. I saw it work on TV, so it must be true...
Hilarious! The mentsl image ogf you sittin' there with the rifle kills me. Seen it before. Buddy in Ft. Worth had the sdame problem. Same solution, only in his case his dog gets the critters as soon as they hit the ground and eviscerates them.
Yea, get you one of those things with a pump, one that shoots pellets. You'll slay them next time, fer sure.
set a couple of live traps in your attic with some nuts stuck in peanut butter - that way you can bring them outside and shoot them!
*;]
Although Kitem referred you to me, I doubt I have the answer. We only managed to trap one of the squirrels, the other being too crafty to get in the trap. However, since the weekend here was especially nice, we waited until the 2nd one was outside and the men went up on the roof and closed off the access point. That is one pissed off squirrel. There are probably babies inside still. But I figure it is very hot and dry up there and they will mummify rather than rot and perhaps won't smell too bad. Or at least, not for long.
I take out squirrels all the time and you can too with a decent air rifle, or as some would prefer, pellet-gun, and not anything beginning with BB. .177 pellets will do but I prefer the pointy .22 versions, in any rifle that can generate over 600 fps; pump or CO2, doesn't matter. 1 shot, 1 kill.
dude, the first rule of fight and fuck club is that there is no fight and fuck club. ironic though it may seem, your first mistake was acknowledging you had a problem.
good luck hunting!
Hammer your killing me with the mental images here.
We used to feed the squirrels as kids. Now my cat chases them. The dogs chase them. I sure don't feed them anymore.
The picture I've seen before. A friend from Chicago sent it to me a few months ago. I laughed.
Have an awesome week.
Dana: the sounds have quieted down some so he probably is :)
ISU, the noose is a great idea! I just have to make sure PETA or the NAACP doesn't get wind of it. ;D
Kitem: the photo is a joke someone sent me. I'll post my salsa recipes this week :)
terri: you are so right, that BB gun doesn't have near enough oomph.
minijonb, then I'll get some rocket skates ;)
liquid: thanks :)
murphy: sounds like a sequel :D
scarlet eww now I'm going to wonder. ;)
jami: I was really tempted. I've got a whole rack of .22s but I don't think the squirrel will sit still while I put a pillow over his head ;D
meleah: Oooh I need to go shopping and get a sniper scope for my squirrel gun!
mattexian: I've got a box of .22 shorts from 1950, I guess I could put them in the old marlin and see how loud they are. Great idea!
muskego: thanks for the idea. I'm sure I'll have to patch up that hole right away.
nanc: lol I could do a caged hunt and show it on youtube ;)
jeannie: they are smart aren't they? I expect mummified remains at some point.
fits: You read my mind. I had so much fun with the red ryder I plan on hitting the sporting goods store tomorrow.
supergurl: LOL! I was waiting for that.:)
beachgirl: The squirrels are smart enough to stay off the ground. My dogs have already had a taste of squirrel eyeballs...
definiitely a bigger gun...Perhaps a .177cal lead pellet Crossman pump with around 175 pumps. My brother euthanized a cat from across the apartment complex with one a long time ago.
.22 pellet gun set to kill. Unless you get a head shot with the bb gun the squirrel is just going to walk it off.
You'll shoot your eye out, kid!
Funny photo, but poor squirrle!What did he ever do to you? We need our rodent friends. Think green - think peace. Still, funny photo.
You'd better hope the squirrel ain't dead...he will force you to evacuate the house from the stench if he's rotting inside some pipe.
JP: A new more powerful airgun is on my shopping list.
Phosgene: I don't think I'm good enough for a head shot but with better equipment...
Jerry: It was an icicle I swear!
Yoga gal: I tried to live and let live but he chewed a hole in my house :)
JZ: That happened with a rat at Christmas. It was frigging awful.
Id say hes still alive and will avenge you by crapping his hoop out in your attic - well its better that his festering carcass up there ;)
Yes get them out now! A friend of mine's house burned to the ground because squirrls ate thru some wirring. Also BB guns can be very effective weapons, hubby and daughter take out ground hogs in our yard every year. Before anybody yells, ground hogs can be nasty if you get too close to their nest. :)
Maybe you've scared them off when the wounded one went back home; or they're organizing a protest. Our rodent population seems to have found another place to make trouble. Perhaps they caught wind of there being a feline around. Not sure the best way to stop the problem but yeah, it is a nuisance. Good luck with the pest problem.
I used to have a 5.5mm airpump pelletgun(dunno what that'd be in .cal), somewhere around 180m/s(~560fps), did a gelatin test with it at 10m(30 feet), penetration about 8" with round topped pellets.
Something like that would take them out with no problem.
LOL funny, funny, funny.
We had squirrels in the attic, although our attic is a coverted bedroom (perfect place for some f&f) closet. They tore up a nut tree I made. I mean left only the foam I'd glued them to. You could hear the little bastards scurrying around up there with their scratchy nails and it half drove me insane. Finally, because we don't have any guns other than a super soaker, hub got a trap from the neighbor and we put peanut butter in there and 'relocated' a few of them. Then hub put up wire and mesh and we haven't heard them since.
Squirrel Kabobs... Next weekends BBQ menu?? I hear it goes well with salsa~~
That picture is so cool!
"had been complaining about rodent fucking and screeching noises"
HAHAHA
Great story and photo. Sounds like you need to graduate to a pellet gun. Pump that gun up good and it's almost like using a .22.
As usual I'm late to the party, but Fit already made the same suggestion I was going to make.
A .177 cal pump-up pellet gun. Get the pointed pellets not the target slugs. Most damage a miss will give your siding is a hole. And well, you've already got one big enough for a squirrel, so what's a .177 hole, right?
I'd vote against a pump up. Buy a break barrel (Walmart, or, if you joined LawDogs boycott, Academy have some) pellet gun. For roughly $100 you can get a pretty powerfull gun 600-1000 fps for a .177
Who wants to sit there pumping the forearm? ON AN AIRGUN!!!! God, you people have dirty minds!
.22 pellet gun is the way to go-jp is right on. Also the pump action ones will damn near go through a fair sized phone book! I'm lucky being in the country. My 22 Long Marlin (little 4x scope) is awesome. Does the small balloon over the barrel of a 22 work as a silencer (or baby bottle nipple) or is that urban myth.
Speaking of which I hope you don't myth if ya shoot at it!
Squirrels in the Attic, By V C Andrews!
J
maybe he'll leave the nest to die!
I used to live in a house in an old, heavily-treed neighborhood, and the area below my bedroom window was apparently the local squirrel bachelor pad, and he had the bitches lined up. In season, there was the awfulest carrying-on you ever heard just outside my windows. I finally got to where I slept through it, but I wish I'd done what you did, instead.
Chris: Who says you can't get some exercise while you're gettin' rid o' critters? ;P
A Red Ryder probably didn't do much more than annoy him, unless you got him in the eye. ;-) Good luck closing the hole so he don't get back in, and kill then 'em dead.
Post a Comment
Welcome back
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home