Some thoughts on random shit.
As I get older my balls get droopier (is that a word) They should make special nut bras because it is seriously painful to have them knocking around the knees and stuff. Do they do scrotum botox? I don't see any informercials addressing this problem.
I was at the grocery store the other day and noticed that scrawny brown lemons were fifty cents each, but a big bottle of lemon juice was $1.48. what is up with that shit? So, do they think I'm stupid? As long as I get lemon flavor, I don't care where it comes from.
I've noticed the price of milk and cheese has gone through the roof. It's probably because cattle feed is being used to make ethanol. Fuck those assholes. The fertilizer made for corn production is made from fossil fuels. It takes one gallon of gas to grow .75 gallon of corn gas. What kind of fools do they take us for? Now a bag of feed corn is almost 20 bucks. Stupid stupid stupid! Six bucks for a gallon of milk and eight bucks for a pound of cheddar? Get a rope, some bureaucrat needs to swing.
I was thinking...we could drop a nuke on Adminijad over in Tehran and blame it on their carelessness with nuclear materials. Wouldn't that be a hoot? Maybe we could wait till Jimmy Carter is over there kneeling and bobbing on the terrorists for peace..
This world is going into the shitter. Its time we stopped playing nice nice with dictators and religious zealots and just do what is right. These monsters only respect force. Diplomacy just stalls the inevitable.
As you can tell I've been watching the news too much.
posted by Bill Rowland @ April 17, 2008
43 Comments
43 Comments:
Better get the boys in a pair of briefs or you'll soon be sitting on them.
I refuse to watch a single news program anymore. All the news I get is from the web where I can read the stuff and not have some breathless airhead whinge away about how the sky is falling.
Watching the news too much...I know the feeling.
Ummm can't help you with your first problem.......but the food prices are crazy! My oldest will be home from college soon and that means more food and more CNN:(
Do they really use fossil fuel to make fertilizer for corn? So what do they do nowadays with what comes out at the rear end of pigs?
Can't help with that first problem...sorry... I've got my own droopy issues.
I cannot stand the news lately. Ivana Trump's wedding, the Pope's visit, the CPS roundup, all the never-ending political crap, a few beatings, murders and drug arrests. Yeah, I've pretty much started watching the Wiggles with my grandson.
Have a nice weekend!
Yeah, I agree. The ragheads see attempts to negotiate as a weakness to be exploited. And ya know? It wouldn't surprise me to see Jimmy Carter come back to the states wearing a rag around his head and praising Allah..dumb shit
I bet if you google nut bras you might find you some help
I love Snowman's advice. That's a funny problem and one that should be addressed. You have my full support. :)
As for everything else, that's why I stop watching the news and if I could, I'd stop going to the market as well. It's ridiculous what they're charging for lemons and grapes! They wanted to charge me $9.95 for grapes the other day and I said, "It's not a steak, it's a bag of grapes!" I had to put them back.
i think the halter part of the boy bra would be too uncomfortable. men already touch themselves too much without giving them straps and pulleys to yank on.
perhaps a hammock for the boys? something less invasive than a bra. i'd love to see how they size em.
i don't know what to tell you about the news. i have the same problem. can't stop but not enjoying it at all.
All I know is that nice NEVER gets anything accomplished. It's not until you put your foot in some one's ass that they realize you are serious.
Step away from the tv and slowly drop the remote.
Isn't gravity a bummer? Our chins, balls and boobs droop over the years. Our skin and body parts are actually dripping off of us as we age. Ugh.
Hemmer, you're way too young to have ball droop. Jimmy Carter on the other hand...
I'm so sorry you are joining the "chaped knees crowd"~~ You have my sympathies!
I went to the store the other day... walked out with 6 small bags and I was $64 dollars poorer and I didn't even have any meat and very little dairy.... I wonder if this is the governmants way of fighting obesity???
I haven't watched the news in a long time, because I'm tired of the Middle East and their problems and our pointless involvement.
It's heartening to know that men have problems with sagging too-even if yours is below the belt and womens' is above it.
Here you go...
I had to read the begining of this a few times! I thought there was a connection between your nuts and the scrawny brown lemons??!
Gloriously good rant though!
HOLY CRAPPE, HAMMERMAN!
imagine hot coffee shooting out my nose!
your idea for the m.e. is a wondy one, i must admit. it'd be like and "oops!" moment, but with more punch behind it.
i've got the pink panther on and am trying to avoid all the pope-erazzi for the last few dayz - you'd think the Messiah was in town!
*;]
This post should have been preceded by a Non-Beverage disclaimer. I laughed so much I woke up the husband and the dogs!
I'm with you all the way, except the ball problem. Maybe you can do them like an old lady I used to sit with did her boobs- roll them up and tape them to your body. :-)
Hammer watching the new is a good thing because some of us dont watch it enough..
WARNING! RANT COMMENCING!
The amount of corn used to produce enough ethanol to fill an average SUV could have been used instead to feed one average person for a year. Raising the corn and converting it to ethanol produces more greenhouse gas than pumping, refining and then burning the fossil fuel originally that the ethanol might replace. This does NOT include the burning off of more land to start new farming in third world countries to make up for the food production now being diverted to ethanol production.
Hybrid vehicles are good for their owners because of their reduced fuel consumption, but they end up being harder on the environment overall because of the pollution that results from their batteries’ manufacture and subsequent disposal. And Toyota is saying that the batteries in their hybrids will last about 3 years and cost about $3,000 to replace.
All of which seems to say that while government and biznez want us to THINK we’re headed in the right direction to stave off global warming while moving to alternative fuels to counter the rapidly diminishing reserves of fossil fuel, it's not true. All we’ve done so far is add big ag to big oil, so now we have high food prices AND high fuel prices.
END OF RANT
Good thing about the droop, when your lower intestine starts to hang down into your nut sack your bulge is gonna be prodigious! Dress right or left and swing low.
And yea, nuke their asses. neutron bombs. Problem solved.
Hammer,
Caught your post as I was heading into a meeting. I agree with just about everything you posted. In regards to your issues with your nuts, here is your solution:
http://www.jibjab.com/view/1546
Enjoy!
Flyinfox_SATX
At least I know now what those are for:
http://www.jaunted.com/files/3/borat_cannes_2.jpg
I try not to watch the news anymore- it's either too depressing, too fanatical or too funny or too stupid and I am on medication....
But I really like the Iran and Carter idea.
Jerry: That's the scary part! The tighty whiteys aren't helping!
Fits: TV news leaves me cold and the internet is heading the same way.
lexcen: I need to tune to the thorazine channel and leave it there.
ELL: I've cut back on sweets and now try to focus on cheaper options.
anon: Yeah potassium nitrate used for corn production takes a ton of fuel, not to mention all the fuel the machinery and irrigation takes.
I think the pig shit gets turned into lite beer ;)
crystalchick: The wiggles..or barney that would help ;)
guyk: and wiping off his chin...
nowmanpoop: I hope they deliver discretely ;)
scarlet: I know, you should see what they want for oranges.
supergurl: maybe a nut bustier ;)
dana: aint it the truth!
random: thanks for cheering me up ;)
JZ: It's either droop or a hernia I'm afraid to find out lol
cheesy: I never thought of that. Now only rich people can be obese. Expect a change in fashion magazines ;)
janet: it seems like I've been watching the same news broadcast about the middle east for 30 years.
Bobg: lol! I'm not quite that far gone yet.
suburbia: I'm sure thinking about my nuts reminded me of buying lemons ;) good catch!
nanc: The poperazzi lol!
snigglefits: Duct tape would be a great idea except the removal part..ouch!
tweety: if they could inject some happy news once in a while it sure would help.
jami: Thank you for broadening my rant. You are 100% right. I can't believe they can perpetrate a scam like this on the American public and get away with it.
FHB: An iguadenal(sp) hernia would be a funny looking package for sure!
flyinfox: the cold toilet water is the worst!
anon: I need some eye bleach! lol
debbie: Maybe if I stopped watching the news I could stop my blood pressure meds.
your balls can say hi to my boobs while they are down there. hehehehe
I say Nuke em till they glow and shoot em in the dark.
FINALLY, somebody that agrees with me about stupid, friggin' ethanol!! We need our farmland for growing FOOD, not growing fuel, or yuppie housing developments!
It really doesn't seem to make much sense does it?
Our cheese and milk is similarly priced but our gas is more.
I always saggy a scrotum was a genetic thing. I've seen some older guys that are not and some younger guys that are. But maybe its an underwear issue....maybe briefs really do make a difference. Hmmm, much more fun to contemplate this issue than the skyrocketing prices and the sick and wrong news.
Yoga.
It'll lower your blood pressure.
It'll calm your nerves.
It may even tighten and tone your enormous physical and mental balls.
I have to warn you, though, that it MAY jack with your writing. It's turned my writing all mushy, gushy, and meaningful which is TOTALLY out of character for me and just makes me want to sit in front of a fan that is blowing friable asbestos in my face so I can die a slow, miserable, deadly, death.
So, on second thought, no yoga for you. I love your blog just the way it is. Sorry, you'll just have to live with your gargantuan balls...and I'm sorry, I have idea on what to tell you about your privates.
Good Friday evening to you, Hammer !
Getting older is merciless on balls and boobs :) But somehow I can't see perky balls being worth the black-and-blue marks and pain of a dozen shots... Maybe they should just invent a scrotum bra :)
Thanks for that warm fuzzy post. Think I'll go walk on a bed of glass now.
I'm with you on everything, especially the nut part! If I ever have an appendicitis operation, or anything close down there, I'm having one removed so I have some room in my pants when I sit down!
God I hated jeans and riding in my Mustangs...all squeezed up like they were veal or something! My boys need to be free Jerry...I mean Hammer!
Hammer,
Just tuck one ball in each sock like I do. Keeps em warm in winter. Summertime- well, it's Great Balls of Fire. Roasted Nuts shall we say!
Cashew. Bless you!
Can you say Fat Man and Little Boy. One way to show Soviet Union we are disarming our Nuclear arsenal is to drop them on every country we hate!! Proof positive we have 10 less! Stay tuned, as next week we have to get rid of 5 more. What a Country!!!!
BallTox- hmmmm... I think I'll try it tonight. Inject a little DAP and some Spackle and sand those bad boys!
I'll let ya know how it turns out!
J
Gosh, I just came back from Asia, living a world life, I happened to watch the main TV news tonight! what a shame! no news, only petty local little events, nothing interesting, there wasn't any news of the world, so shallow, I'm ashame. On the sunny side, we could say, no news is good news, meaning I live in a democratic nothing important country, that is a lucky-wealthy-always-complaining-country!
My computer screen is now wearing Diet Dr. Pepper. I need a high lift jack for my boobs. What did Seinfeld say...a man bra would be a manssiere? How about a "bro" (as opposed to bra) for the boys?
I can tell, man. I've stopped watching the news. It insults what little intelligence I have.
I just paid $2.50 for a damn organic avocado. Have you seen the price of red bell peppers....WTF?
I have a nut bra video clip on my other computer. If I find some time, I'll post it on my blog tomorrow for you to see. It's funny as shit!
Now that's funny, I don't care who you are! Great post man.
Dang...my wife deleted that video, but here's a link to it. I hope it works...
As usual, your rants are all right on point with how I think. That makes me feel less estranged from society.
OMG. Scrotal botox. I am RUINED!
I'll be laughing about this for days. Weeks. Possibly months.
I'm catching up....but couldn't help thinking there is no way you old men are gonna let anyone puncture you with a syringe to make ANYTHING less droopy....
smile
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