You can't pick who you are related to.

I've talked about most of the people in my family in one way or another so regular readers probably know something about them. Unfortunately I don't have very many nice things to say.

I've had this post brewing around in my head for a few months and now it's time to get it out.

Mom: Hard worker, emotionally dead inside, can fake being a nice person but can only hold up the facade for short periods of time. She is a survivor. I inherited her no nonsense attitude, competence and work ethic. Thankfully, I didn't inherit her cruel nature.

Dad: Hard worker, friendly, smart and outspoken, a born leader. I inherited his sense of humor, good nature and his ability to take charge of a situation. He suffers terribly from PTSD and lets himself be abused and manipulated by women.

Uncle Kevin: Good hearted, fun and a hard worker but is easily the most gullible 49 year old man I have ever met. Women screw him over constantly, he has always made poor decisions and has trouble finishing anything he starts. I'm worried because he was recently diagnosed with diabetes and will not control his diet. Still a good guy, always will be.

Aunt Katie: Kind, nurturing, self centered and spoiled She is prone to fit throwing and pouting. A life long hypochondriac. She is vain and scared to death of getting old. She is 49 as well. Picks bad men to date over and over. She raised her behaviorally challenged son mostly on her own. He was a mess as a child and the jury is still out on his future. She is finally independent and self sufficient but relies on my Grandmother heavily for emotional support.

Grandma: Bitter, acerbic and a trooper. She likes to gossip and talk about every ones mess. She raised all her kids herself and did the best she could. Sadly, she is a total enabler and has never held anyone accountable for their actions. She is still probably my favorite person because she balanced out the wickedness of my mother.

Mother in law: Spoiled from birth. Prone to throwing fits. Always has to get her way or there is hell to pay. She is a glutton, a spendthrift and cannot hold onto a dime. She enabled her children to become total losers and has never taken them to task for their rotten behavior and life choices. Conversely she is good with grandchildren, always makes their Halloween costumes and likes paying with them. However, she cannot control her mouth and is constantly pissing me off by making thinly veiled nasty comments about me and my wife when she disagrees with us.

Father in law: A pretty good guy, terribly abused as a child, spent most of his life depressed and angry, was disconnected from his children until he finally got medication. I'm about the only one he will talk to. His wife runs over him like a bulldozer and he will never stand up to her. If he crosses her, she locks herself in her room and screams and cries for days. Totally whipped.

Sister in law: a real piece of work. Can be charming but is a habitual liar. She lies about everything even if it is of no consequence. Instead of raising her kids she bought them piles of toys. She marries and dates men that she can manipulate and then blame when her life falls apart. She is manic and must be the center of attention at all times. She must pretend she is of a higher class than she really is. She is currently estranged from her oldest son, her two grandchildren, me, my wife (her sister) and our children. She blames me and my wife for stealing her son away from her and befriending the hated daughter in law.

Brother in law #1 Nice guy, habitually under employed, always broke, always picks the wrong crowd, been to prison for drugs and still hasn't stopped using. Owes me money and hasn't picked up a phone in 6 months. My kids always ask about him and that's the saddest part.

Brother in law #2 Youngest Child, Habitual liar, thief and manipulator, He always acts like the alpha male and tries to physically challenge and dominate all other men. He seems like a down to earth likable person if you don't know him. He is a former drug dealer and was jailed for attempted murder. He's now a Christian youth counselor that brags about how all the 17 year old girls under his tutelage want to have sex with him. He is married to a crazy manic depressive nut bag who threatens to kill herself every time he pisses her off. Owes me money, haven't seen him in over a year. I'm not bothered by his absence.

There are multiple stories about all these people but for now I just had to get this out of my head and recorded somewhere.

I should feel better for getting this off my chest, but for some reason I don't.