Life's little challenges.
Last night about midnight, I went outside my front door to check the weather and to see if it had stopped raining.
I saw a huge puddle next to the door and I immediately knew it was the emergency overflow for the air conditioner condensation.
SHIT!
Trying not to wake everyone up, I opened the door where the ac unit was located and noticed it was all wet inside.
FUCK!
I grabbed some bleach from the laundry room and took off the cap to the condensation drainage pipe. It was full to the top.
ASSCOCK!
I went to the garage and grabbed an old tackle box. From the contents I procured a length of ten pound test line and a lead sinker.
I dropped the line down the pipe and it stopped after a few inches. I pulled it back up and the sinker was covered in white slimy muck. It had the consistency of wet toilet paper mixed with snot. This was some serious alien slime mold shit.
I was able to displace enough water to pour some bleach down the pipe.
The slime mold laughed at me and started foaming out of the pipe covering my hands in bleach and chunky slime. It formed another clog up top with caustic laundry bleach to add to my troubles.
I straightened a coat hanger and fished it down the hole and pulled up as much slime as I could. By this time it was about 1 AM and I'm sweating like a pig.
I figured I needed something to put some pressure on the pipe to blow that shit out of there.
I looked everywhere, The garden hose is a 50 footer and it was muddy outside so I wasn't about to drag that sombich upstairs.
Then I saw a hula hoop.
I grabbed that thing up and cut a section out of it with a kitchen knife. I put it down the drain pipe with a towel wrapped around the end.
On my knees in the closet blowing into a hula hoop, not my best moment.
I heard the water move, it was going down the emergency run off drain.
BUTT FUCK!
The water was going the wrong way. I blew harder this time and bleach splashed out onto my arms and clothes.
FUCK STICK!
It was 2:00 AM and I was tired of messing with it. I filled the pipe up with bleach, capped it off and went to bed in hopes the problem would correct itself in the night.
This morning I opened it up and saw no change, I dropped the fishing sinker back down into the hole.
I hear a gurgle and a swish and the water went down.
FINALLY
I ran down to the back yard and saw about 4 pounds of alien slime ooze out of the PVC pipe.
There is aways a slight endorphin release after a household job is completed successfully.
I could have called somebody, but the $100 per hour repair man doesn't usually do anything different than I do and always glares disapprovingly at my helplessness and incompetence.
I saw a huge puddle next to the door and I immediately knew it was the emergency overflow for the air conditioner condensation.
SHIT!
Trying not to wake everyone up, I opened the door where the ac unit was located and noticed it was all wet inside.
FUCK!
I grabbed some bleach from the laundry room and took off the cap to the condensation drainage pipe. It was full to the top.
ASSCOCK!
I went to the garage and grabbed an old tackle box. From the contents I procured a length of ten pound test line and a lead sinker.
I dropped the line down the pipe and it stopped after a few inches. I pulled it back up and the sinker was covered in white slimy muck. It had the consistency of wet toilet paper mixed with snot. This was some serious alien slime mold shit.
I was able to displace enough water to pour some bleach down the pipe.
The slime mold laughed at me and started foaming out of the pipe covering my hands in bleach and chunky slime. It formed another clog up top with caustic laundry bleach to add to my troubles.
I straightened a coat hanger and fished it down the hole and pulled up as much slime as I could. By this time it was about 1 AM and I'm sweating like a pig.
I figured I needed something to put some pressure on the pipe to blow that shit out of there.
I looked everywhere, The garden hose is a 50 footer and it was muddy outside so I wasn't about to drag that sombich upstairs.
Then I saw a hula hoop.
I grabbed that thing up and cut a section out of it with a kitchen knife. I put it down the drain pipe with a towel wrapped around the end.
On my knees in the closet blowing into a hula hoop, not my best moment.
I heard the water move, it was going down the emergency run off drain.
BUTT FUCK!
The water was going the wrong way. I blew harder this time and bleach splashed out onto my arms and clothes.
FUCK STICK!
It was 2:00 AM and I was tired of messing with it. I filled the pipe up with bleach, capped it off and went to bed in hopes the problem would correct itself in the night.
This morning I opened it up and saw no change, I dropped the fishing sinker back down into the hole.
I hear a gurgle and a swish and the water went down.
FINALLY
I ran down to the back yard and saw about 4 pounds of alien slime ooze out of the PVC pipe.
There is aways a slight endorphin release after a household job is completed successfully.
I could have called somebody, but the $100 per hour repair man doesn't usually do anything different than I do and always glares disapprovingly at my helplessness and incompetence.
posted by Bill Rowland @ May 11, 2007
35 Comments
35 Comments:
"There is aways a slight endorphin release after a household job is completed successfully."
Oh yeah! I love it when a plan comes together!
LMAO, my mother always laughs when my Dad and I work on a project together. We BOTH turn the air blue when something goes wrong! She gave up telling us not to swear at inanimate objects. ;)
Jesus Hammer, and why does this always happen at freakin midnight 'till 2 freakin AM? Why can't this happen like at 10 in the morning. I can so relate to you on this...Seems that Murphy has a greater eye on you today than on me.
Flyinfox_SATX
wow that sucks ass.
Was starting to think you might have turrets.
BUTT FUCK!
Ha, ha, ha.
You have A/C? What is it in your other post about people spoiling themselves?
You have A/C? What a pussy, this is why the world is going to hell, because you all want to be spoiled with A/C and fast cars as the world goes to hell.
Go sleep in the back yard if it is warm out.
I wonder how you will explain this to your children in twenty years as they struggle to survive.
And don't tell me that that scientists that are trying to warn you are full of crap because God is a scientist.
Fuck, at least get a swamp cooler, high tech isn't always that great you know. Hugs, ya little monkey.
Tshsmom: I love yelling at inanimate objects.
:)
Flyinfox: Things always break at 2 am and when I'm on vacation...
snowmanpoop: I have a cussing problem :)
BBC: I don't burden people with my lifestyle and that's all that matters. You can apoil yourself all you want as long as you don't moan about being broke and in debt.
Which I am neither.
honestly - you men!
this has worked for me for many years - once a month (mark it on your calendar) pour a half to one cup of hydrogen peroxide down EACH drain in your house and allow it to sit for a half hour or so - after, pour about a half gallon of boiling water down each of those drains. VOILA! clean drains ALL THE TIME.
if you're on a septic system - do the same and when you're done, pour one cup of long cooking oats into one of the toilets and flush - this cuts down on the bacteria build-up in your septic and leach fields.
any more questions, see me.
oh, and one more thing before i go - when you have an emergency situation-type clog - go up onto your roof and pour one small bottle each liquid plumbr down every vent pipe protruding from your roof - it gets to the clog quicker than pouring it down drains.
trust me. *:]
I am with you on the fixing it yourself. I try to learn how to do stuff myself around the house so I do not have to pay people unless absolutely necessary. Even if it means swearing at inanimate objects and using a hula hoop!
p.s. some of these remedies should work on clogged a/c pipes - we had one clogged and discovered part was buried underground and had broken.
When I pick up my toolbelt I get a rush of endorphinhs- just knowing I'm moments away from fucking something up that had never even been though of in the research and development phase of said fukee.
I can totally relate. And why do they last into the wee morning hours when after two Coors and some Redbud- we are at our absolute concenmotherfuckentrainos highest alertness level and common senssible zone-- possible!
John- Tool belt Bro!
LMAO LMAO Your first blow job Ham???
Lol at post & comments!
Plus, many AC guys would tell you that you would need a new compressor or condensor or even, an entire new unit.
Nanc: Great tips, I'm going to start right away. I can't take any more of the 2am handyman shit.
jenafear: I would have shot my 30.06 down tht fuckin pipe if I thought it would have done any good. Yeah I'm a do it yourselfer. Sometimes I break it worse sometimes it works.
John Hell yeah I had about 6 Bridport IPA's in me and I was at my most creative.
Cheesy: Unfortuately and no pictures to prove it lol.
skinnylittle blonde I did that 2 years ago 4 grand later and it didn't help.
Alien slime?! What's going on at your place?
I totally thought this was going to be another kind of entry when I saw that red ..tool in the picture of the toolbag. hm. Glad it wasn't! ;)
See, this is why I'm not a man.
Gary gets to do all the hard and nasty stuff and I get the job of asking continually "Are you sure you know what you're doing? Maybe we should call someone. Have you ever done this before? I don't want the house to blow up!" And to be honest - he's never totally fucked up anything.
I just don't let him near my lawnmower.
"Asscock"? That's a new one for me. I'll try not to use it too often... I'm trying to cut that shit out. This is a great story, but it leaves me wondering something. What was the white alien mold? Did you collect a sample you can take to someone and find out?
M: Ahh I had to look at the tool bag again...that is naughty looking.
Jeannie: My wife does the same thing I try to to fix (break stuff) when she is around. :)
nyx: At a bar I worked at there was a very simlar mold growing in the ice machine except it was pink and looked like salmon. I don't want to get it identified for fear that they will quarantene my house and send a bunch of guys in bio suits.
Oy vey! You always manage to get into the strangest situations at just the wrong times :D. I'm glad you were able to fix it yourself. Me? Uh, I have no idea what I'd do.
As far as the blowjob part...don't you have so much more respect for us now and what we have to go through? :D hehe
Seems to me you were actually quite competent, and saved yourself $100 in the bargain. There is no 'timer' on fixing things while you are trying each option- what counts is that they GET fixed.
I don't have AC, but I do as nanc with all the other drains in the flat. Not every month, but every now and then. I never have clogged drains at least.
I deal with that crap on a regular basis, working in commercial roofing. yup. "Excuse me, there, Mr. Store-Owner, but the roof isn't leaking. Nope. It's your air-conditioner. yup.
It's all fuckered up.
That'll be $400.00."
yup.
B-D
----------
orrrrrrrr, marry a plumber like i did!
I deal with that crap once a year. get one of those snake things that roots its way down the pipe. works good.
you blew a hula hoop and didn't take a damn picture? Seems that would've come in handy for future video productions. I'm so disappointed in you Hammer!
Thank you, for remembering the precise verbage used in your midnight repair, because it made me laugh.
when you blow hula-hoop bleach all over yourself at 2AM, you can afford A/C in Texas where it is 110 degrees and as humid as all get out.
I do not spend money on booze, so that i can afford high quality food.
Anyway, I have to do my homework.
Thank you for contributing to my procrastination.
BTW
what caused the 4# of white slime in the first place?
I'm so impressed that you: a) knew what the problem was, and then b)fixed it, especially in the middle of the night.
barista: Oh I am indeed humbled :)
annueL thanks I'm glad when it works out like that.
kirsten: it is a good idea.
dr Chip: yep I learn quick :)
nanc: Not enugh female ones to choose from ;)
FHB: I need one badly.
tysgirl: couldn't wake anyone up to take pics unfortuantely :)
infini: My pleasure :)
Not sure but it seems to follow me.
kat: thanks I try to be handy. I've got the scars to prove it.
white slime= ectoplasm?
*ghosties*
where you teasing when you said it follows you?
if not... new post please, do tell???
What kind of a/c do you have?? I never heard of this kind of thing.
I always seem to get bleach on my shirts when I use it, no matter how carefully I pour. I've ruined more shirts than I care to think about.
Love your creative cursing!
Infini: I guess I meant that I keep seeing similar slimes whenever I'm around refrigeration equipment. It's nasty stuff. I'm afraid to look it up in case it's really dangerous.
Janet: With the AC unit outside and the blower and heat exchanger inside, condensation forms as the coils get cooled from the outside unit pumping coolant back and forth. This forms a lot of sweat that gets caught in a drip pan and flows down a pipe that leads outside. that is if it doesn't get clogged.
Its funny when you swear!! May I book you for a job -its a washing machine...
Ah-hahahahahahahaha!!! You are soooooo funny - sorry that happened to you after midnight, but that was the funniest 'true-life story' that I've heard in a while - I had pictures in my head to go with it!!!
Well written, loved it!!
Oh yeah, and glad it's fixed too!! ;)
who needs tools when you've got a hoola hoop and a fishing sinker?
I'm glad you didn't hire that $100/hr repair guy 'cause that just wouldn't have been anywhere near as funny to read about!
I drive my wife nuts fixing shit. We have a 23 year old microwave I've fixed 3 or 4 times and she's wanted to replace it since the first repair 22 years ago! She's even got the replacement (from her mom) waiting in our spare room for when I'm finally not able to get it to work again.
mutley: excellent, my next job will be comedy handyman :)
kb: glad you got a laugh out of it. expect some slime mold in the mail ;D
stepping: I'm like MacGuyver but not gay lol
danO: my wife actually hates when I repair small stuff. Especially when she is dead set on a new one. She acts like the repaired item is shit. When it finally breaks after 6 more years I get a big I told you so lol.
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