The worst day of my life as per request.

Since Ryan won the caption contest from last weekend I told him he could pick any topic for me to write about.

So here goes with the worst single day of my life.

There have been many shitty events in my life that I can look back upon, but they were all mostly expected and lasted over days, weeks, months, years.

So I thought back to the one day that the most random, unexpected, screwed up stuff happened.

It was December 1990, I woke up with strep throat. I couldn't afford to miss work because I lived alone and needed rent money. I dragged my sick sorry ass into the office and started to plug away at my job. Bosses and co-workers were on my ass, I was running a 103 fever and couldn't think straight.

The copier broke in the middle of a big project and the paper feed destroyed all the silkscreen drawings I was preparing to send to the manufacturer. The engineers were real fucking assholes about having to turn on the CAD machine and re-do them.

I kicked the shit out of the copier and started feeling faint. So I told my boss I was going to the doctor. He was a good ole boy who started making jokes about me being sick from eating dirty pussy and I should just walk it off and get back to work.

I don't exactly remember what I told him, but from watching the color leave his face as I walked out the door, it must have been good.

As I drove to the clinic, it started to rain, more like a torrential downpour. I got inside and waited for an hour soaking wet to see the doctor. He wrote me the prescriptions and I paid with money I really didn't have. I went outside...lo and behold my car wouldn't start! It was an old Chevy Nova and in good shape, there shouldn't have been any reason for it not to turn over.

Then I remembered the big puddle I had crossed earlier must have wet the distributor. It was still raining buckets and I was still delirious and burning up with fever. I pulled of the distributor and looked for something to dry it with. Luckily I had a can of silicone lubricant spray in my tool box. It displaced the water and I was able to get the car started.

By this time, I am drenched and chilled to the bone. I must have been a sight walking into the pharmacy to get my meds, they didn't have them so I had to drive across town to pick them up. More money gone that I didn't have.

I had to drive through another deep water crossing and as I came out of it, my temperature light came on. Now what? I drove on for a mile or so and the car started sounding funny and was losing power. The car died, I pulled off to the shoulder and opened the hood. I noticed that the fan belt had broken and the car had overheated.

I shut the hood, locked the car and walked a mile in the rain to the auto parts store and got new fan belt. More money. I was walking back in the rain, my hair is plastered to my head, my shoes are squishing and a car drives by at about eighty into a giant puddle and blasts me with about 500 gallons of muddy water.

If I had something to shoot at that car I probably would have.

When I got back there was a giant green tow away sticker on my windshield and a parking ticket. FUCK!

As I was replacing the fan belt, my hand slipped off the wet wrench, I busted my knuckle open and began bleeding profusely.

I finally got the car fixed and headed into work.

I sat down at my desk, really really pissed off and I just dared someone to come fuck with me so I could rip off their head and sodomize their eye pussies.

My boss walked up behind me and noticed my muddy, dripping , squishy attire and suggested I go home to change my clothes.

Sure, why not.

I drove back to the house, toweled off, changed clothes, took my medicine and felt a little better.

As I was pulling out of the apartment complex, a cop pulled behind me an turned on his lights. I pulled off to the side and he informs me that my license plate lamp was burned out. He said he would have to write me a ticket.

I told him that the bulb must have been shorted out from driving in the deep water.
The cop was new on the job, he didn't want to hear my explanation.

It took me two full weekends of overtime to pay for that day, and the strep turned into walking pneumonia. But that was another day...