When not to shave.

When I was about 19, I went to a party with some friends from work. We drank beer, barbecued, swam etc... later in the night, the tequila bottle came out and everyone started taking shots.

I wasn't an experienced drinker but I thought what the hell...

Everyone got really drunk. I was buzzed but I can usually keep some composure. I noticed that two guys at the party had crawled into bed with my female co-worker who was passed out cold and shut the door.

I said....uh no fucking way they going to drunk rape this girl. So I went in scooped her up and put her on the couch and stood guard over her.

The dudes were PISSED OFF that I messed up their little game and one of them tried to fight me, but he was too drunk and clumsy and ended up smacking his head into a coffee table, the other guy kept saying.."hey man why'd you take her...I wasn't going to do nuffin."

I said, if you weren't going to fuck with her, then why do you care if I put her on the couch? All he said was "Fuck you asshole" and he stormed off to bed.

I laid down next to couch and fell alseep but was soon awakened by the sound of retching. Passed out girl was puking but not waking up, so I turned her over and made sure her airway was clear then carried her to the bathroom so she could lean over the toilet.

She became semi concious enough to finish throwing up in the toilet while I held her hair and tried to clean the puke out of her ears. She once again passed out on the floor, so I decided to sit there and watch her so she wouldn't choke and die.

It was really boring sitting in the restroom for two hours and the smell of half digested fajitas and tequila puke wasn't so pleasant.

I looked over and there was one of those new fangled rechargeable beard trimmers.

I had just grown a beard and it was looking kind of shaggy and scraggly so I decided to give this thing a try. It was a lot sharper, than I imagined and I was more drunk than I felt due to all the adrenaline. Before I knew it, I had shaved my beard into a half mutton chop and had managed to take half my mustache with it.

When I tried to even it out on the other side I went too far down. Everytime I tried to fix the other side, I messed it up even worse than before. By the time I was finished it looked like I had tried to shave on a tilt-a-whirl.

Then just as I was about to just shave the whole thing off, the battery went dead and I couldn't find the charger plug, so I was stuck like that until I could get to a proper razor.

The next morning, I told the girl why she was on the bathroom floor and what the drunk assholes tried to do to her. Luckily she was too hung over to notice my handiwork from the night before.

Lesson learned.



NOT SAFE FOR WORK