Fear
I've been trying to have frank discussions with my kids about fear. Fear can be useful, but when it prevents you from living a normal life, it becomes debilitating.
As a child I was afraid of nearly everything. I was like a rabbit. The stupidest things would send me off the deep end. Afraid of heights, the dark, bugs, snakes, the boogyman, people with afros, you name it..
Extreme unreasonable fear borders on mental illness. I've seen people go into full fledged panic attacks at the worst possible times. I know the panic response is probably left over from when lions and tigers used to jump out and eat people on a daily basis but it really doesn't do a fella any good while driving 70mph down the freeway.
I've felt panic creeping in a couple times during my adulthood, usually during very stressful dangerous situations but luckily the logical side of my brain took over and reminded me that panic would be suicidal at that place and time.
Then all of the sudden everything changed and I didn't even realize it.
It think the first time it happened was about 10 years ago,
There was a particularly bad fight one night in my friend's drinking establishment. Some punk was beating on the pregnant bartender because she stopped serving him. Everyone freaked and the customers were running in circles, yelling and screaming. One patron actually smashed his own wife's head into a brick wall because he got confused during the ruckus. (or he was just looney )
I picked up the phone, dialed 911 and set it down on the bar. I then grabbed the punk who was beating on the pregnant lady by the collar and belt and threw him out the front door onto the asphalt and locked it behind him. I grabbed the guy who was smashing his his old lady's head and threw him out the door as well and locked it again.
The cops showed up just as these two freaks were doing flying jumpkicks into the front window of the bar trying to get back in.(Not sure what they hoped to accomplish)
The whole time this was happening I felt perfectly calm and serene like I had just taken out the trash or something.
From that point on It's almost like the part of my brain that is supposed to feel fear is broken. I'm able to handle any freaky shit that comes my way like it's no big deal. The worst part is dealing with everyone elses post traumatic stress over the situation. Who knows? Maybe I'm storing up all my negative emotions and one day my head will just explode.
These days I try to stay away from trouble. I figure it's best to let the excitement find me... and it usually does.
posted by Bill Rowland @ February 12, 2008
33 Comments
33 Comments:
My job entails that I stay calm when $hit hits the proverbial fan... sometimes I'd like to be able to have a meltdown.
I'm the same way in emergencies; I see what needs doing and do it! After the emergency is over and my adrenaline level returns to normal, I get all shaky and light-headed.
I can always be counted on to keep a cool head in a crisis situation. When I know that everyone is going to be okay and that what needs to be done has been done, I'll sit down and have a good cry.
I'm afraid of people with fros too. Ok not really
But I did know a girl that was terrified of midgets.
I'm not sure how cool I would be in a crisis situation, but I drive my husband nuts by not locking doors and stuff at night. So I guess that makes me a little more relaxed than some people think I should be. Or maybe just stupid.
It is pretty weird to go into a preternatural calm in stressful situations. It's an odd sensation to enter a peaceful calm during a shootout.
That episode was very, very strange, and I know exactly what you mean. Problems do occur when in order to feel calm you have to be in stressful situations. That's when you end up on medications. Or drink too much.
And yeah, I think all the calm and collected people will finally just flip eventually.
I'm calm until the Bug gets hurt. Then all bets are off.
Fear is a funny thing. I used to be far more fearful as well. But knowing I was nuts, I'd do stuff anyway pretending I was normal.
What would I do with a lot of money but little time? Travel. Buy my kids stuff.
For the longest time I was so afraid of spiders it took me till I was living on my own to be able to kill one, because there was nobody else to do it and I wasn't about to ask a neighbor. I still don't like 'em but I'm not afraid to squish a bug now. I guess you just have to get over your fears in your own time. I don't know anyone whose fears have taken over their life, though.
What a crazy experience. I don't think I freak and go looney in situations like that, but I definitely freeze.
I wish someone had had that talk with me when I was a child. I'm always afraid of being attacked. Every single day, every single night. Its paralyzing at times.
Ah, memories. I too recall the first time I took matters into my own hands. No one but Dad was happy to see me have a good try at decking the Bishop during the Confirmation proceedings. He even forgave me for not having that much of a punch at the age of 11. Mom never did. She just assumed I could toss an overhand right like she could.
I used to be afraid of a lot of things too. Mostly fear of confrontation. Mushy told me once, or maybe he posted something about it, that at one time in his youth he realized that getting beat up wouldn''t kill him, and he was empowered by that. I've heard others say that too. I've never been in a situation as an adult where I might get in a fight, but I like to think that I could deal with it without letting the fear get to me. I know that my instincts are now to defend myself, rather than run away.
Sounds like you'd be someone good to have around in a crisis. There again, 'who yah gonna call? Hammer!' sounds a little odd. Are you good at crossing State boundaries at the speed of light? Just checkin.
Cheers
Nobody really knows how they will react until they are confronted with a situation you describe. I would like to imagine that I would behave like you did although I'm probably just kidding myself.
Is ok hammer Afros scare me to
LMAO....My son is the coolest person I have ever seem in a shit storm, Ice water in his veins.
I comes from experience first then age...been there done that.
Great post.
yeah I have my shit together in emergencies in a big way. I break down and cry later, if it's dealing with family or death, but I can deal pretty good.
But all the weird hormone things, will make me have the clinical kind of panic attacks, like fear of not wanting to outside or be alone. Couple nights ago I had one and it was fear of dying. I had to just do some deep breathing and meditation and calm down, but they throw me off my game a bit for a couple days after.
I'M AFRAID TO COMMENT.
POOPSIE- SMALL WORLD!
John
it's awesome that you have the ability to be the calm in the storm. Every crazy situation needs someone like you!
The hubby says I'm to calm. I can't help it though. It's just my nature.
My biggest fear is something happening to my kids and I won't be around to take care of it. But my kids are all adults now. It's still my worst fear. I'm a true Momma bear when it comes to the kids.
But I am so cool when shit hits the fan. Always have been. My theory was I can always fall apart later. I try to keep my sanity now by doing what I like. I consider it my reward for making it thru parenting. And a totally crappy marriage for 24 years.
I don't let fear conquer my world.
Have an awesome day.
Great story! I am pretty fearless unless I encounter a dark hallway or knives...I sweat if I even have to wash them...sily silly gurlie.
The only irrational thing that scares me is very tall buildings... we don't have any here and I hate being in them when I have to be . Odd isn't it?
My wife and family are all pretty emotional people. Over time, I've been the only one to keep my head in crazy situations that I realized that I don't panic when the going gets tough.
Thankfully I've never had such a severe confrontation, but as the only cool head in my family, I think it came from being my Father's son and lots of stressful situations in which it was up to me to take care of things.
Great post Hammer. I also LIKE knowing that I don't panic any more.
The closest I come is at work when I'm alone and the pressure to get something done by a certain time causes me to waffle within my own mind. When my back gets to hurting so bad I can hardly move, I'm tempted to panic then too.
Maybe as we age we just use up all our scared. If you were scared a lot when younger, you use it all up sooner?
Or maybe you just finally realize that if somebody doesn't do something to stop the shit, the shit won't stop. And that the worst thing that can happen when you decide to stop it is that you get some shit on you - and shit washes right off with soap and water.
We all handle situations differently and I dont know what I would do really in that case. I know its not since to beat on a pregnant woman or a woman for that matter so. I might have stepped in and had the chance to get my arse kicked instead of the poor pregnant lady. Men that drink too much and then want more.. Not saying you but there are guys out there that drink into oblivion and then still want more and then get angry when they stop serving them.
I usually feel shaken right after some traumatic event. During the actual occasion I just feel enraged. That has gotten my tit in the wringer more than once in my long life.
wait'll you see one of your little ones teetering in the top of an eighty foot tall sequoyah...and you say, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?!?" and in their little, squeaky voice they respond, "pop (or mom) said "I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!""
yeah, just wait...
Hammer I wish I lived near you! Actually I'm like Tshsmom and your first commenter (and you).
But there is a great book I'd strongly recommend to you and your offspring, honestly. It's called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker https://www.gavindebecker.com/books-gof.cfm
You're mostly right about fear, but GdB says that it's a warning/trigger to pay attention.
Some of the literature on anger says the same thing--that fear underwrites anger and to seek more info when you have the fear reaction.
Another book (I've long forgotten which one) said that emotions all boil down to love or fear, and that once you figure out which one is motivating a person/reaction, you can deal with it/them better.
I'm cool as a cucumber under pressure. But when the pressure finally lifts, I could sleep for a whole day.
I don't think you're storing it up-- I think you've figured out that some bullshit is simply not to be tolerated and that sometimes you have to act to prevent assholes from hurting (or killing) other people.
I don't understand people who go catatonic in crisis moments - dealing with it is all you CAN do.
"I figure it's best to let the excitement find me... and it usually does."
Welcome to my life........roflmao
When I open my bar, you can have all the free beer you want so you'll be around in case anyone gives me any shit.
I think I handle bad situations pretty well, too. That's probably half the battle.
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